Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Wimps of the world game

The Vuvuzela

I find this instrument most annoying
The constant noise makes the games hard to watch
After watching four games I can stand it no more
It drives me crazy
Solution:Don't watch any more games


Two widows were visiting in the lounge of the Seniors' Center.
"Well," one said, "Margaret has just cremated her third husband."
"Yeah, that's the way it goes," replied the other widow
. 'Some of us can't find a husband,
and others have husbands to burn!"

Adults Only Please
the URL below is in the form of power point
and requires audio
This may be too hot for some of you,
but what the below
thanks Liz Z

Jimmy Dean passed away on June 13th aged 81...RIP

Ankle biters

The first man married a woman from Italy .
He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning..
It took a couple of days, but on the third day,
he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man married a woman from the Phillipines.
He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning,
dishes and the cooking.
The first day he didn't see any results,
but the next day he saw it was better.
By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done
and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a woman from the Holland .
He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes,
the cooking and bring him beer in her birthday suit.
The first day he didn't see any results,
but the next day he saw it was better.
By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done,
there was a huge dinner on the table
and she served a beer in her birthday suit.
The fourth man married a girl from Australia.
He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed,
lawn mowed, laundry washed,
and hot meals on the table for every meal.
He said the first day he didn't see anything,
the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day,
some of the swelling had gone down
and he could see a little out of his left eye,
and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich
and load the dishwasher.
He still has some difficulty when he pees .

thanks David J
The best Lap Top ever



Used-car dealer
Crazy Charlie, the used-car dealer,
was out to break all sales records with his "like new" models
. A large sign in his window announced:
"A Blonde Free With Each Car."
A delighted young wolf plunked down his cash and,
hot with anticipation, drove his newly won blonde out into the country.
He parked, gave her a couple of preliminary kisses,
and whispered a suggestion in her ear
.She shook her head, smiled, and said,
"You got that when you bought this car."



A man gave the blonde waitress his order
, "Black coffee, no cream"
The blonde came back and apologized,
"I'm sorry, we're out of cream.
Would you take your coffee without milk?"
thanks Duke
thanks Liz and Alan


A couple of clams were eating chocolate bars
while two fish watched.
"Did you see that?" one fish said,
as the clams finished their treat.
"They didn't offer us a single bite!"
"What do you expect?" asked the other fish.
"They're two shellfish."

The Biker's decision.
You'd never believe it,
but I bumped into a famous stuntman
in a motorcycle shop the other day
.He was complaining because he couldn't decide
whether to buy a bike with a high top speed but poor acceleration,
or one with lots of torque and a fast acceleration but a poor top speed.
Eventually he decided on the second one because it cost a lot less.
After all... torque is cheap.


The lions are down



Two Viagra pills walk into a bar
and sit next to two Marijuana plants.
The marijuana plants are lamenting about being illegal
. The Viagra pills scoff at them
. One Marijuana plant turns to the Viagra pills and asks,
"Don't you think we should be legal?"
"No," said the Viagra pills,
"We are hard on drugs."

Those Funny Animals

Blast from the Past


Outside a Church in Boston a young boy is weeping,
and an old lady approaches him and says,
"What's wrong, honey?"
The little boy replies between sobs,
"My Grandma passed away this morning."
"I'm so sorry to hear this," says the kind old lady.
"Do you want me to call Father O'Riley?"
"No," replies the boy.
"Sex is the last thing I have in mind."



Roll call
Doing a rollcall on the first day back at school at Brookstown Primary,
the teacher began calling out the names of the pupils:
"Mustafa El Ekh Zeri?"
"Achmed El Kabul?"
"Fatima Al Chadoury? "
"Abdul Alu Ohlmi?"
Mohammed Ibn Achrha?"
"Mi Cha El Mey Er"
Silence in the classroom
."Mi Cha El Mey Er"
Continued silence as everyone looked around the room
.She repeated,
"Is there any child here called Mi Cha El Mey Er?"
A boy arose and said
, "Sorry teacher. I think that's me.
My name is Michael Meyer."





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1 comment:

Sandee said...

You know I just had to go see Carolyn. I knew it wasn't going to be a two-legged female, but wasn't sure what. That was gross. Bwahahahahaha.

Have a terrific day Phil. :)