352

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Moments

Moments from Everynone on Vimeo.

Prior to collaborating with Radiolab and NPR on “Words,”

filmmaking collective Everynone (Will Hoffman, Daniel Mercadante,

and Julius Metoyer III) crafted a short piece about moments.

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A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern,

furiously imbibing shots of whiskey

. One of his friends happens to come into the bar and sees him.

"Lou," says the shocked friend, "what are you doing?

I've known you for over fifteen years, and I've never seen you take a drink before.

What's going on?"

Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, the man replies,

"My wife just ran off with my best friend."

He then throws back another shot of whisky in one gulp

."But," says the other man, "I'm your best friend!"

The man turns to his friend, looks at him through bloodshot eyes, smiles,

and then slurs

"Not anymore!... He is!"

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On this day in August 1969 Elvis Presley recorded this

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My computer is like Britney Spears; cheap, white, and plastic.

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Those Funny Animals

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Our government in action!

A carrier pigeon stopped to rest on the window sill in the Pentagon building.

Close behind him came another pigeon who stopped off to talk

. “Where you going?’ asked the second pigeon.
“To section M to deliver an order,” answered the first.
“What’s the number of the order?”
“234XZY-Q78955-421YYTX,” replied the first.
“Better get a move on,” said the second.

“I got an order to rescind it.”

thanks Duke

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Excavator Skills

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A friend of mine just started his own business, manufacturing landmines

that look like prayer mats.

Apparently Prophets are going through the roof.


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SOMETHING AUSSIE

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“When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles

and lighten your burden,” a young woman said to her boyfriend.
“That's very kind of you, darling,” her boyfriend replied:

“but I don't have any worries or troubles.”
“Well, that's because we aren't married yet.”


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I want one!!




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thanks Marj K

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Why do elephants drink?- - -

(A little sadly) To forget.


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Funny names for racehorses

Racetrack announcer Larry Collmus is forced to call Monmouth Park race

with two horses named “My Wife Knows Everything”

and “The Wife Doesn’t Know” in the lead.
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RELIGION

Tom's Surgery
The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would

like to express praise for answered prayers.

Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium.

She said, “I have a praise.

Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck

and his scrotum was completely crushed.

The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn’t know if they could help him.”

You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation

as they imagine the pain that poor Tom must have experienced.

“Tom was unable to hold me or the children,” she went on,

“and every move caused him terrible pain.”

We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation,

and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom’s scrotum,

and wrap wire around it to hold it in place.”

Again, the men in the congregation cringed

and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined

the horrible surgery performed on Tom.

“Now,” she announced in a quivering voice,

“thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time,

his scrotum should recover completely.”

All the men sighed with unified relief.

The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.

One man stood up and walked slowly to the podium

.He said, “I’m Tom Smith.”

The entire congregation held its breath.

“I just want to tell my wife the word is 'sternum.'”


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Blast from the Past

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thanks Liz and Allan

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For Celeste in Basel and Jim P in Washington DC




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ALIENS

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PHILS PHILOSOPHY

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but I leave you with this




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