Saturday, September 18, 2010

Norwegian Cooking
You don't have to understand Norwegian to enjoy this video
Apparently the gravity pull is stronger
the closer you get to the Artic Circle
stolen from Miss Cellania

more of the same
Tilted Room
An elderly man goes to his doctor and says:
“Doc, I think I'm getting senile.
Several times lately, I’ve forgotten to zip up.”
“That's not senility,” replies the doctor:
“Senility is when you forget to zip down.”


Global Warming



thanks Liz Z

From halfway across the store, I could hear a mother calling her son:
"Jimmy, Jimmy!"
I turned a corner into another aisle and found a six-year-old by himself,
playing with some umbrellas.
"Are you Jimmy?" I asked.
"Yes, I am."
"Didn't you hear your mother call?"
"Aren't you going to go to her?"
He shook his head.
"Naw, she isn't hysterical yet."



'I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid,
and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand,
while the fish swim by in complete safety.
''IT'S A GUY THING' Means:
'There is no rational thought pattern connected with it,
and you have no chance at all of making it logical
'Why isn't dinner already on the table?
''UH HUH,' 'SURE, HONEY,' OR 'YES, DEAR...' Means:
Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response
'I have no idea how it works.
'I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra
'I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner
'Are you still talking’

Those funny Animals

German Dogs in an English Pub understanding Japanese on Dutch television

There was a mamma mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole
They lived in a hole outside of a farm house out in the country.
The papa mole reached his head out of the hole and said,
“Mmmmm, smell sausage.”
The mama mole reached her head outside of the hole and said
“Mmmmm, I smell pancakes.”
The babymole tried to reach his head outside the hole
but couldn’t because of the two bigger moles.
The baby mole said, “The only thing I can smell is molasses.”




Camel Stew.
It is attributed to the Australian bush painter Jack Absalom,
and appeared in one of the bush cookbooks he published.
The recipe appears, with one small variation or another,
in various other places -
places where there are plenty of camels that is!
Camel Stew
3 medium sized camels
1 ton salt
1 ton pepper
500 bushels of potatoes
200 bushels of carrots
3000 sprigs of parsley
2 small rabbits
Cut camels into bite-sized pieces.
This should take about two months.
Cut vegetables into cubes (another two months)
Place meat in pan and cover with 1000 gallons of brown gravy
Shovel in pepper and salt to taste
When meat is tender, add vegetables.
Simmer slowly for 4 weeks.
Garnish with parsley.
Will serve 3800 people.
If more are expected, add two rabbits.

Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike
on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins
they are entitled to in the afterlife.
Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.
The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced
that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive
after his death will be cut by 25% this April, from seventy-two to only fifty-four.
The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years
of the number of suicide bombings
and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.
The suicide bombers' union,
the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.)
responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members
and immediately balloted for strike action.
General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press,
"Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad.
We don't ask for much in return,
but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth."
Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands
in which he currently resides,
Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained,
"We sympathize with our workers' concerns,
but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands.
They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day
Jihad in a competitive marketplace.
"Thanks to Western depravity,
there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the Afterlife.
It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying people off.
I don't like cutting wages but I'd hate to have to tell three thousand
of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."
Spokespersons for the union in the Northeast of England, Ireland, Wales
and the entire Australian continent stated that the strike
would not affect their operations as
"There are no virgins in our areas anyway!"
Apparently the drop in the number of suicide bombings
has been put down to the emergence of the Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle --
now that Muslims know what a virgin looks like,
they are not so keen on going to paradise.


thanks Josie J


"her indoors".." the Cheese and Kisses"

Becky was on her deathbed.
Her husband, Jake, was maintaining a vigil by her side.
He held her fragile hand, tears ran down his face.
His praying roused her from her slumber.
She looked up and her pale lips began to move slightly
."My darling Jake," she whispered
."Hush, my love," he said.
"Rest. Shhh. Don't talk."
She was insistent
. "Jake," she said in her tired voice.
"I have something I must confess to you."
"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Jake.
"Everything's all right, go to sleep."
"No, no. I must die in peace, Jake.
I slept with your brother, your best friend and your father."
"I know darling," he replied.
"That's why I poisoned you."

Old Spice

thanks Ray S
another version


cool doormats



Psychiatrist and Proctologist
Two doctors, a psychiatrist and a proctologist,
opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading:
"Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors."
The town council was not happy with the sign,
so the doctors changed it to read,
"Schizoids and Hemorrhoids."
This was not acceptable either
, so in an effort to satisfy The council, they changed the sign to
"Catatonics and High Colonics."
No go.
Next, they tried:
"Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives."
Thumbs down again.
Then came "Minds and Behinds."
Still no good.
Another attempt resulted in
"Lost Souls and Butt Holes."
Unacceptable again!
So they tried
"Analysis and Anal Cysts."
Not a chance.
"Nuts and Butts?"
No way.
"Freaks and Cheeks?"
Still no go.
"Loons and Moons?"
Forget it.
Almost at their wit's end,
the doctors finally came up with:
"Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones,
Odds and Ends."
Everyone loved it

For a Gynaecologists' Assistant
"Can you give me some more details about this?"
he asks the girl behind The desk.
The Centrelink Assistant sorts through her files and replies.
"Oh, yes, here it is. OK,
the job entails you getting patients ready for the gynaecologist."
"You have to help the ladies out of their clothes and underwear,
lie them down and gently wash their nether regions.
Then apply shaving foam and shave off all their pubic hair,
then rub in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynaecologist's examination.."
"There's a starting annual salary of $85,000,
but you're going to have to go to Wagga Wagga "
"Oh, Is that where the job is?" he asks.
"No," replied the assistant,
"that's the end of the queue."

thanks Josie J

From the land of N Zedders


Not Quite Romantic Lines

Love may be beautiful,
love may be bliss
But I only slept with you,
because I was pissed.
I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.
Roses are red,
violets are blue,
sugar is sweet,
and so are you
But the roses are wilting,
the violets are dead,
the sugar bowl’s empty
and so is your head.
Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face.
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot
This describes everything you are not.
I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don’t take that paper bag off of your face.
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I’m good at telling lies!
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.
I see your face when I am dreaming.
That’s why I always wake up screaming.
My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?


Stop Vegie Abuse


Please, take care of yourself.
A recent joint study conducted by the Department of Health
and the Department of Motor Vehicles
indicates that 23% of traffic accidents are alcohol related.
This means that the remaining 77% are caused by assholes
who just drink coffee, carbonated drinks, juices, yogurts, and shit like that.
Therefore, beware of those who do not drink alcohol.
They cause 3 times as many accidents.
This message is sent by someone who worries about your well being


but I leave you with this


All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site
are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Thank you for ending the week with a blog filled with laughter, here's wishing you a wonderful week ahead Phil.
Celeste in Basel.