Wednesday, September 15, 2010

358
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thanks Liz Z


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A Professional Love Letter
My Dearest,

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in love with you
since the 14th of October (Sunday).
With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1500 hrs,
I would like to present myself as a prospective lover
Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months
and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent.
Of course, upon completion of probation,
there will be continuous on the job training
and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse
The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment
would initially be shared equally between us.
Later, based on your performance,
I might take up a larger share of the expenses.
However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.
I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter,
failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice
and I shall be considering someone else.
I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister,
if you do not wish to take up this offer.
Thanking you in anticipation,
Yours sincerely


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-
Those funny Animals










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Bogged


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A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia.
The doctor gave him a thorough examination
but found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him.
"Listen,” the doctor said,
“if you ever expect to cure your insomnia,
you just have to stop taking your troubles to bed with you."
"I know," said the man,
"but I can't. My wife refuses to sleep alone."

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WINE








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SOMETHING AUSSIE




He's not really an Aussie
He's an N -Zedder
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The little girl had just listened to her mother reading
one of her favorite fairy tales.
"Mommy," asked the child:
"Do all fairy tales begin with
'Once upon a time'?"
"No, dearest," replied the mother:
"Sometimes they start with,
'Darling I have to work a little late at the office tonight...'"


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MAGIC

M A G I C G O P H E R


This will drive you nuts
This is really freaky!
I haven't a clue how this is done.
Just click on the Magic Gopher.
If you figure out how it works let me KNOW!!!!
Magic Gopher


thanks Liz and Allan
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Blast from the Past





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Huey, Louie and Dewey were the nephews of one D. Duck,
a celebrity with a terrible speech impediment.
The nephews had a miserable childhood,
being, as they were, sufferers with hay fever.
Raised in the great out-doors, they were often sorely afflicted,
resulting in prodigious sneezes and constantly streaming eyes.
This made them very difficult to work with in the summer months,
and began to imperil their fledgling movie careers.
After all what was the use of three more ducks you couldn't understand,
Uncle D. had that market pretty much covered.
Fortunately for the little fellows their employer, a Mr. Disney,
was a kind and benevolent man,
and he engaged his staff of animated physicians
to palliate their dreadful symptoms.
However, as might be imagined, cartoon duck medics, true to type,
turned out to be a load of quacks.
Pills and jollops were tried by the bucketful, but all to no avail.
The lads got snufflier and miserabler at each failed attempt.
In despair the company men suggested turning to other sources for help.
The nearest available outlet with a strong and innovative animation industry
was north of the border in Canada,
and it was here that the three hapless ducks were dispatched in 'V' formation.
They came to consult a Goose physician renowned
for his work in the field, a Dr. A. Taupie.
At his clinic they were exposed to all the common pollens
known to trigger the allergic responses of hay fever,
and it was determined that all three were exquisitely sensitive
to common grass pollens, with little sensitivity to trees, shrubs or flowers.
The good Doctor therefore proposed a desensitization regimen
involving the injection of allergens extracted from the pollens in question
and indeed, after a short course, all three began to show a splendid recovery,
and were soon able to return to full time working at the Disney film and TV empire,
where they remain to this day.
Now at the start of each season all they require is a single booster shot,
for as everyone knows:
"An ampule of hay keeps the duck tear away."
-- Elwood P. Dowd


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Bonus
I wish they would come down under
enjoy





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SPORT















Play Golf. its safer

thanks Liz and Allan



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thanks Liz Z
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But this is an awesome job
Watch until end





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thats if you eat this


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Pope
The Pope had become very ill and was taken to many doctors,
none of whom could figure out how to cure him.
Finally he was brought to an old physician.
After about an hour's examination the physician came out
and told the cardinals that he had some good news and some bad news.
The bad news was that the pope had a rare disorder of the testicles
, which if left untreated, would be fatal.
The good news was that all the Pope had to do to be cured,
was to have sex.
Well, this was not good news to the cardinals,
who argued about it at length.
Finally they went to the Pope with the doctor
and explained the situation.
After some thought, the Pope stated,
"I agree, but under four conditions."
The cardinals were amazed and there arose quite an uproar.
Over the noise a single voice asked,
"And what are the four conditions?"
The room stilled.
There was a long pause...
.The Pope replied,
"First the girl must be blind, so that she cannot see with whom she is having sex."
"Second, she must be deaf, so that she cannot hear with whom she is having sex."
"And third, she must be mute so that if somehow she figures out
with whom she is having sex, she can tell no one."
After another long pause a voice arose and asked
"And the fourth condition?"
The Pope replied, "Big boobs."










Glue ad



thanks David J

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PHILS PHILOSOPHY


but I leave you with this



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Disclaimer
All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site
are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.







3 comments:

Sandee said...

Bwahahahahahaha. Good ones this week Phil. I stole the professional love letter.

Have a terrific day. :)

Anonymous said...

You've got me sniggering all thru the weekend again - - but the face of the innocent young nun takes the cake - uh glue!! Big grin!!

I will be "stealing" the pic of the Facebook heavenly bodies.

Here's wishing you a "sticking and correcting" day Phil !!!

Celeste in Basel.

isee three said...

hello..hope all is ok with you..
this is about your link "Magic Gopher"
Here are the possibilities:

10-(1+0)=09 28-(2+8)=18 46-(4+6)=36 64-(6+4)=54 82-(8+2)=72
11-(1+1)=09 29-(2+9)=18 47-(4+7)=36 65-(6+5)=54 83-(8+3)=72
12-(1+2)=09 30-(3+0)=27 48-(4+8)=36 66-(6+6)=54... 84-(8+4)=72
13-(1+3)=09 31-(3+1)=27 49-(4+9)=36 67-(6+7)=54 85-(8+5)=72
14-(1+4)=09 32-(3+2)=27 50-(5+0)=45 68-(6+8)=54 86-(8+6)=72
15-(1+5)=09 33-(3+3)=27 51-(5+1)=45 69-(6+9)=54 87-(8+7)=72
16-(1+6)=09 34-(3+4)=27 52-(5+2)=45 70-(7+0)=63 88-(8+8)=72
17-(1+7)=09 35-(3+5)=27 53-(5+3)=45 71-(7+1)=63 89-(8+9)=72
18-(1+8)=09 36-(3+6)=27 54-(5+4)=45 72-(7+2)=63 90-(9+0)=81
19-(1+9)=09 37-(3+7)=27 55-(5+5)=45 73-(7+3)=63 91-(9+1)=81
20-(2+0)=18 38-(3+8)=27 56-(5+6)=45 74-(7+4)=63 92-(9+2)=81
21-(2+1)=18 39-(3+9)=27 57-(5+7)=45 75-(7+5)=63 93-(9+3)=81
22-(2+2)=18 40-(4+0)=36 58-(5+8)=45 76-(7+6)=63 94-(9+4)=81
23-(2+3)=18 41-(4+1)=36 59-(5+9)=45 77-(7+7)=63 95-(9+5)=81
24-(2+4)=18 42-(4+2)=36 60-(6+0)=54 78-(7+8)=63 96-(9+6)=81
25-(2+5)=18 43-(4+3)=36 61-(6+1)=54 79-(7+9)=63 97-(9+7)=81
26-(2+6)=18 44-(4+4)=36 62-(6+2)=54 80-(8+0)=72 98-(9+8)=81
27-(2+7)=18 45-(4+5)=36 63-(6+3)=54 81-(8+1)=72 99-(9+9)=81

Can you see, the only possible answers are: 9, 18, 27, 36, 45, 54, 63, 72, and 81. On that page where it says to memorize the "symbol" associated with your answer, notice that the same exact symbol is associated with 9, 18, 27, 36, 45, 54, 63, 72, and 81.