357

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----

---

Tired of the inconvenience of driving from the airport to his country cottage,

a man equipped his small plane with pontoons

so he could land on the lake directly in front of his cottage

. On his next trip however,

he made his approach down the airport runway as usual.
Alarmed, his wife cried out, "Are you crazy?

You can't land this plane here without wheels!"

The startled husband yanked the nose up,

narrowly averting certain disaster.
Continuing home, he landed the plane on the lake without mishap.

As he sat there, visibly shaken, he said to his wife,

"I don't know what on earth got into me.

That's the stupidest thing I've ever done in my life!"
And with that, he opened the door and stepped out ...

right into the water.

--------

Those funny Animals

-----------------

Mondays



thanks Liz and Allan

---

A recently-widowed woman was talking to some friends

after the funeral she'd arranged for her husband.

"You poor dear," said one.

"I hope you were left with something."

"Oh, yes," said the widow, "We were not poor.

He left me with two hundred thousand dollars."

"Imagine that! And he couldn't even read or write."

The widow nodded earnestly and added,

"He couldn't swim, either."

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The Future

-------

CANADA-eh!

----------------

A couple I know were discussing their wallpaper,

which had just been hung.

Dave was annoyed at Debby's indifference to what he felt was a poor job.

"The problem is that I'm a perfectionist and you're not," he finally said to her

"Exactly!" she replied.

"That's why you married me and I married you!"


--------------



Blasts from the Past

---

-------

Manure... An interesting fact
In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship

and it was also before the invention of commercial fertilizers,

so large shipments of manure were quite common.

It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet,

but once water (at sea) hit it, not only did it become heavier,

but the process of fermentation began again,

of which a by product is methane gas of course.

As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles

you can imagine what could (and did) happen.

Methane began to build up below decks

and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern,

BOOOOM!
Several ships were destroyed in this manner

before it was determined just what was happening.

After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the instruction

' Stow high in transit ' on them,

which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks

so that any water that came into the hold would not touch

this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.
Thus evolved the term ' S.H.I.T ' , (Stow High In Transit)

which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.

You probably did not know the true history of this word.

Neither did I.

I had always thought it was a golf term.

thanks Duke

---

--

KIDS

--------------------

A golfer who lost his ball fumed at his young caddy.

He snapped, "Why didn't you watch where it went?"

The lad replied,

"Well sir, it usually doesn't go any-where,

so it took me by surprise."

----------------

Dancing copycats




--------




Funny Signs

-----------------

Something Aussie
When I was younger I used to think this group was weird, but great

But I have always liked music a bit left of the mainstream

At last someone has put them on you tube

Enjoy



---

I'll see you all in the Northern Territory
"You'll never never know

if you never ever go"




-------

thanks Liz Z

------

----

Roy Rogers and Trigger wended their way home

after a most satisfying day at work tending

the boundary fences on Roy's large spread.

About a mile from the homestead Roy noticed

a trail of dust rising from the trail that led from home to the main gate

As he approached,

he saw that it was a large squad of cavalry soldiers led by Major Ted

. As he came up to the column of troops Major Ted called,

"Whoa!" and addressed the famous cowboy

."Good evening, Mr. Rogers," he said

."Good evening, Major," replied Roy Rogers

."Are you heading home, Sir?" asked the Major

."I am indeed, yessir, I'm looking forward to a real meal.'"

"Just before you go, Mr. Rogers, I'm afraid I have some bad news for you."

"Like what, Major?"

"Well, sir, the Indians have been on the rampage over at your homestead."

"My God! I'd better get over there right away!"

"Just a minute Roy, there's more.

There's not much left of your house I'm afraid"

"That's terrible, I've got to get home to my family"

"Hold on Roy, there's more.

I'm afraid they scalped your five children

and appear to have raped the girls beforehand."

"Those savages!! I've got to get home to my wife,

she must be beside herself with grief!"

"Wait Roy, I'm sorry but there's more.

They also raped your wife and mother before killing them.

All the cattle are gone and they put an arrow through your dog Bullet.

Most of the village is burned to the ground

and they put poison in your water supply."

"Oh my God! This is the worst day of my life!

But still, I'd better get over there and see if there's anything at all I can do"

"Hold on, Roy - there's just one more thing . . ."

"Yes Major?"

"Before you go.

How's about a little song for the boys?"

----------

Pratical joke gone wrong

[not for the faint hearted]




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What can I say!!

---------------

PHILS PHILOSOPHY

but I leave you with this

------------

Disclaimer

All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site
are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.