361

A couple of days ago Australia lost another legendary outback icon.

Malcolm Douglas was involved in a tragic 4WD accident

on his Broome crocodile farm

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Those funny Animals

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Staring at an empty cage, a zoo visitor asks,

"Where are all the monkeys?"

"It's mating season," the keeper replies. "They're inside."

"Do you think they'd come out for peanuts?"

The keeper answered, "Probably not."

"Why not?" persists the visitor.

"Would you?"

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How cool is this

Rainbow Cocktails

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A man walks into a bar with a duck and a biscuit tin.

He sets the duck on top of the biscuit tin on the bar and the duck begins dancing.

The barman finds this rather interesting as do the rest of the punters in the pub.

They all come round the duck and watch it for ages,

and while doing so, buy more and more drink

. By the end of the night the bar is full of people watching this amazing duck

, still dancing and giving the odd quack now and again.

The barman realizes that he hasn't had business this good in a long time.

It is so good that he offers to buy the duck from the man

to which the man agrees to sell for $500.

The barman thinks it is a bit expensive but agrees to buy it anyhow.

On selling the duck, the man goes home leaving

a crowded pub watching his dancing duck.

Later that night, the man gets a telephone call.

It is the barman and he exclaims that the duck is a great success

and that he has his money back in the amount of drink he has sold,

but he says,

"There is one thing..

. How do you get the duck to stop dancing?"

The man replies,

"Oooh simple! Just take the lid off the biscuit box

and blow out the candle."

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SOMETHING AUSSIE

Betty McQuade recorded this version of John de Loudermilk song in the early 60's
It was a big hit for her

Betty recently celebrated her 80th birthday

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LAWYERS

Lawyer -

A person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a "brief".

A man went to his lawyer and said,

‘I would like to make a will,

but I don’t know exactly how to go about it.’
The lawyer smiled at the man and replied,

‘Not a problem, leave it all to me.’
The man looked somewhat upset and said,

‘Well, I knew you were going to take a big portion,

but I would like to leave a little to my family too!’

-

This could work!!

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click to enlarge

Thanks Duke



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Blast from the Past





-----------------------

thanks Liz and Alan

-------------------

A daughter comes home from the Peace Corps in Uganda

and surprises her mother,

who is in the process of lighting the Friday night candles

and serving the matzoh ball soup.

The mother is so thrilled she can't stop hugging and kissing her daughter.

Finally she says, "Sit down, darling. Tell me all about what you were doing."

Her daughter says, "Mom, I got married."

"Oy, mazeltov," says the mother.

"How could you do that without telling me?

What's he like? What does he do? Where is he?"

"He's waiting outside on the porch while I tell you."

"What are you talking about? Bring him in!

I want to meet my new son-in-law."

The daughter brings him in, and to her consternation,

the mother sees a black man standing before her wearing a big grin,

a feathered cod piece, an enormous headdress, animal tooth beads

and he is holding a very tall spear in an upright position.

The mother grabs her daughter,

slaps her back and forth on both cheeks and screams,

"Dummy! Stupid! Idiot!

I said RICH doctor!"


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Footy Ad



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Funny Boat names

thanks Duke

------


Saskatchewan Turtle Burgers

ONLY IN SASKATCHEWAN !!
Here's a new twist on how to serve burgers

and if you don't cook,

give this handy little guide to someone that does and request them.
HIGH in Cholesterol too!

Handmade ground beef patties, topped with sharp cheddar cheese,

wrapped in a bacon weave, then the next step,

add hot dogs as the heads, legs with slits for toes and tail.

Next step. Place on an oven rack, covered loosely with foil

and baked for 20-30 minutes at 400 degrees.

Or you can do them on the Barbee too.

A little crispy, not too crunchy.

..just how a turtle should be, right?

thanks Don H

I betcha David T in Langley would like one these burgers!!!

------

The wife appeared at the breakfast table in curlers and a worn bathrobe.

The husband looked up from his newspaper and said,

"Why can't you look like you did when we were first got married?"

"How can I?" she snapped back at her hubby.

"I'm not pregnant!"



--------------------------


Seniors

On their 50th wedding anniversary,

a couple summed up the reason for their long and happy marriage.
The husband said, "I have tried never to be selfish.

After all, there is no 'I' in the word marriage."
The wife said,

"For my part, I have never corrected my husband's spelling."


---------------------------

--------------------------------

PHILS PHILOSOPHY

but I leave you with this

-------------

Disclaimer

All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site
are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.