362

----------------

"Right lad," said the sergeant in the recruiting office,

"what's your name?"

"McCoy, sergeant."

"And what was your civvy job?"

"I was a cork socker, sergeant."

"A cork socker? What's that?"

"Well, I worked in a winery, see, and my job was to put the pretty paper

over the corks in the wine bottles. A cork socker, they called me."

"Okay," said the sergeant, "through that door there and see the medical officer.

"Next!"

The next bloke fronted up

."Name?" asked the sergeant.

"McCoy, sergeant."

"Another McCoy! And what was your civvy job?"

"I was a coke soaker, sergeant."

"A coke soaker? What's that?"

"Well I worked in the foundry, see, and it was my job to keep the coke damp

so it burned hotter. A coke soaker they called me."

"Okay," said the sergeant, "through that door there and see the medical officer.

"Next!"

The next bloke fronted up.

"Name?" asked the sergeant.

"McCoy, sergeant."

"Not another McCoy! And what was your civvy job?"

"I was a sock tucker, sergeant."

"A sock tucker? What's that?"

"Well, I worked in a sock factory, and when the socks came off the production line

I had to fold them neatly and tuck them together.

A sock tucker, they called me."

"Okay," said the sergeant, "through that door there and see the medical officer.

"Next!"

The next bloke fronted up

."Name?" asked the sergeant.

"McCoy, sergeant."

"Not another one!" the sergeant groaned.

"And what the hell are you lad? A coke soaker, a cork socker or a sock tucker?

""None of those sweetie," lisped the bloke.

"I'm the real McCoy!"

-----------

--------

Those Funny Animals

----------------------------------

Down in Lafourche Parish, Louisiana,

Boudreaux gets a job with BP helping with the cleanup.

He reports for work and is told to speak to a supervisor about his assignment.

He finds the man and asks,

"What it is I supposed to do?"

The supervisor tells him to go to the animal shelter and clean the pelicans.

Two hours later, Boudreaux comes back to the supervisor and says,

"Okay.dey all cleaned.

You want me to cook some rice now?"


--------------------------------

-------------------------

Weight Watchers

---------------------------------

------------------------------

Nuggets of Wisdom...
1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.

2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian

any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway. 14.

Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you've kept for years

and throw away three weeks before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing.

It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

25. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.


-----------------------


SOMETHING AUSSIE

----------------------------

Once there were these two birds who,

every year for quite a few years, had one egg,

which they hatched and nurtured

and loved until the little chick was ready to leave the nest.

Then, one year, they had two eggs!

Well, they were just so excited they could hardly stand it;

this year they would each have an egg to take care of and love.

They kept close watch on those two eggs so that no harm came to them.

Then one day when the eggs were ready to hatch,

an earthquake shook the tree where the nest was;

the two birds flew away to safety,

all the while worrying about those two eggs that were about to hatch.

When the tremor was finished, they hurried back to the nest.

As they neared it, they heard one strong "Cheep" coming from the nest.

They were worried that something might have happened to the other egg,

but when they got to the nest,

they found that there were TWO chicks cheeping in unison.

This just goes to show that two can cheep as lively as one.

The history class was studying the Revolutionary battle of Saratoga

which was probably lost because General William Howe

chose to remain in Philadelphia.

The teacher then asked the class to explain this major British defeat.

"Lack of no Howe,"

answered a voice from the back of the classroom.

One early morning, a farmer was milking his cow.

The farmer was just starting to get a good rhythm going

when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head.

Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear.

The farmer didn't think much about it,

until the bug squirted out into his bucket

. It went in one ear and out the udder!

They hadn't seen their Uncle Max for over ten years

but every year his nieces sent him birthday greetings.

One year, they remembered how he had always

admired a set of military hairbrushes,

so they sent them to him as a gift.

A few weeks later they received a snapshot of their completely bald uncle

with a note that read:

"Thanks for the gift

. I will never part with it."


-------------------------------

BLAST from the PAST

-----------------------------

Marriage and Divorce

----------------------

Clever and Funny



----------------------

Robinson Crusoe fell desperately ill.

Just before dropping into a coma,

he called for his man Friday to help him.

Friday, not knowing what else to do,

went outside of Crusoe's tent and danced around and prayed

for God to come and help his master.

Shortly afterwards, Crusoe awoke from his coma

and groggily perceived a shape at the foot of his bed.

In panic, he imagined that the angel of death had come to get him.

Then his the shape came into focus,

and he cried with relief,

"Thank God! It's Friday!"



-----------------------------



PHILS PHILOSOPHY

but I leave you with this

-------------------------------

Disclaimer

All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site
are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.