367

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Being the worlds worst singer I can relate to this

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I was out walking when I ran into an old friend, Doug.

I was surprised how he looked.

He had lost about forty pounds and was in pretty good shape.

I had to ask him how he did this.

"Doug, how did you get in such great shape?"

Doug: "First thing in the morning when I get up, I pump Iron.

When I get home from work, I pump Iron,

before I go to bed I pump Iron.

If I wake up in the middle of the night, I pump Iron."

I responded, "That is amazing, Doug, you have done great."

We walked to the parking lot our cars were parked next to each other.

I noticed in his car was a drop dead blonde with legs that would not quit.

She was stunning and about twenty years Doug's junior.

I asked, "Doug, who is your lady friend?"

Doug: "Oh, it is nothing, I have to leave."

The lady got out of the car and spoke:

"Oh, Doug, aren't you going to introduce me to your friend?

Hello! My name is Janice Iron

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Those Funny Animals

------------------------------------

"Down Memory Lane"

--------------------------------

Two blonde gals went together to play the slot machines at the casino.

Each agreed that when her allotted money was gone,

she would go to the front of the casino and sit on the bench to wait for the other.
Trixie quickly lost all her money and went to sit on the bench.

She waited and waited.

After what seemed an eternity, she finally saw Patty coming toward her,

carrying this huge sack of coins.
"Hey, Trixie," said Patty, "how'd you do?"
"Not very good," came the reply.

"I've been waiting here for hours."
Patty said, "You should have been with me..

. Did I ever find a Good machine!

It's way in the back. Come! I'll show it to you...

You can't lose! Ever time you put a dollar in,

you win four quarters!"

-----------------------

A Blonde consulted a doctor,

explaining that for many years she suffered from excessive flatulence,

but there was never any sound or smell

so she had done nothing about it until now.
So the Dr. took down all of her medical history,

a process that took quite a while.
At the end, the Blonde says,

"You see, Dr Smyth while I've been sitting here talking to you

I've broken wind five times,

but there's no sound and no smell."
At this point, the doctor scribbled something on a pad,

ripped off a sheet and handed it to the Blonde.
"What's this?" she asked, "some pills?"
"No", replied Dr Smyth,

"that is a prescription for a hearing aid."
"Come in next week,

and we'll operate on your nose."

---------------------------

Law Breakers

------------------------------

"Look at ME!"

boasted the fit old man to a group of young people.

"Every morning I do fifty push-ups, fifty sit-ups, and walk two miles.

I'm fit as a fiddle!

And you want to know why? I don't smoke, I don't drink,

I don't stay up late, and I don't chase after women!"

He smiled at them, teeth white, eyes glittering,

"And tomorrow, I'm going to celebrate my 95th birthday!"

"Oh, really?" drawled one of the young onlookers,

"How?"

---------------------------

For all of my Canadian Friends



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-----------------------------------


Tattoo's

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Have fun with this
Try not to spend all day at it....
http://www.bassfiles.net/parachute.swf

thanks Liz Z
------------------------------------------




--

SOMETHING AUSSIE

MPD Ltd [Mike, Pete and Danny]

were a big hit in the mid 60's for about two years

This was their biggest seller

------

Take a look at Esperance in the South West

---

or click this link to visit the North West

Explore the Kimberley, Western Australia

A snapshot of the Adventure that awaits you!

-----------------------------

some more blonde fun


There was a brunette standing along side a busy road

chanting "88, 88, 88, 88..."
A blonde came up to her and said,

"That looks like fun, can I try?"
The brunette said, "Sure."
So the blonde chanted, "88, 88, 88, 88.."
"Well," said the brunette, "that is fun.

But what is even more fun is if you say it in the middle of the street."
So the blonde said, "OK."

and stood in the middle of the street. "88, 88, 88, 88-"

BAM! she was run over by a car, completely flattened.
Along the side of the road,

the brunette began to chant,

"89, 89, 89, 89..."


---------------

Late one Sunday afternoon, a blonde woman from a small town

was taking a long walk through a nearby meadow.

She was surprised when she saw a parachutist

trapped in the high branches of a tree.

"Hellp!" he cried when he spotted her...

"What are you doing up there?" she called back.

"I was skydiving," he answered,

"and my parachute didn't open!"

The blonde rolled her eyes

. "Well, of course it didn't.

If you'd just asked one of the locals,

ANYBODY could've told you that

*nothing* around here opens on a Sunday!"

------------------------




Priceless

thanks Duke


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----------------------

Blast from the Past




----

--------------------------


PHILS PHILOSOPHY

but I leave you with

today would have been Bert's birthday


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Disclaimer

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are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.