377

Happy Thanksgiving... America and Canada

thanks Liz Z

****************

What will I be when I grow up?

stolen from Sandee at Comedy Plus



*********************

---------------

This is an interesting, and fun set of games that claims to predict your brain age.

If your brain age is less than your actual age, via this test, you are doing OK

and Dr. Alzheimer hasn't paid you a visit,

or at least not done any real damage yet.

I would like to see the statistical proof that this test is real

and it can predict what is says it can.

http://www.freebrainagegames.com/



********************

“How come you’re late?” asked the bartender,

as the blonde waitress walked into the bar.
“It was awful,” she explained.

“I was walking down Elm street and there was a terrible accident.

A man was thrown from his car and he was lying in the middle of the street.

His leg was broken, his skull was fractured,

and there was blood everywhere.

Thank God I took that first-aid course.”
“Wow! What did you do?” asked the bartender.
“I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!”

*****************

Those Funny Animals

***************

A Scotsman was dying.

On his deathbed, he looked up and asked,

"Is my wife here?"

His wife replies:

"Yes, dear, I'm here. I'm right next to you.."

The Scot inquires, "Are my children here?"

"Yes, daddy, we are all here," say the children.

The Scotsman: "Are my other relatives also here?"

And they say, "Yes, we are all here..."

The Scot gets up and says,

"Then wha the heck is the light on in the kitchen?"


**************

*********************

thanks Toni

-

********************
A woman confided to her girlfriend,

“My ex-husband wants to marry me again.”

The friend said, “How flattering.”

The woman replied,

“Not really. I think he’s after the money I married him for.”


***************

********


Snow White and Others

*******************

Baptism

Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father

and said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?"

"I think so," the man replied.

"My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming

with plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our friends."

"I don't mean that," the priest responded.

"I mean, are you prepared spiritually?"

"Oh, sure," came the reply.

"I've got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey."

****************

Blast from the Past

The Hollies


The Air That I Breathe
Uploaded by unecricri. - Music videos, artist interviews, concerts and more.

*****************




A mother cleaning her son’s room finds an S&M magazine under the bed.

Upset, she shows her husband.
“What do you think we should do?” she asks.
“I’m not sure," the father replies:

“But we certainly shouldn’t spank him.”

*************





SOMETHING AUSSIE

********************

For those in the Northern Hemisphere
where the weather is getting a bit cool




******************

A witness to an automobile accident was testifying.

The following exchange took place between the lawyer and the witness:
The lawyer: “Did you actually see the accident?”
The witness: “Yes, sir.”
The lawyer: “How far away were you when the accident happened?”
The witness: “Thirty-one feet, six and one quarter inches.”
The lawyer (thinking he’d trap the witness):

“Well, sir, will you tell the jury how you knew it was exactly that distance?”
The witness: “Because when the accident happened I took out a tape and measured it.

I knew some stupid lawyer would ask me that question.”


****************



Crystal Balls

******************

****************

Dave sold strawberries off his truck out in the suburbs.

He knocked on the door of a house.

"Wanna buy some strawberries?"

"Come around the back," answered the pretty young blonde.

Dave walked to the rear, rang the bell,

and the woman opened the door.

To Dave's shock, she stood there stark naked.

Not a stitch of clothes on.

Dave started to cry

."What's the matter?" asked the blonde.

"Today, my wife ran away with my best friend," explained Dave,

"I lost three thousand dollars on the stock market,

and now you're gonna screw me out of my strawberries."







****************



Heil Justin Bieber

*******************





"PHILS PHILOSOPHY"

but I leave you with







****************

Disclaimer

All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site
are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.