395

thanks David T

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thanks toni

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thanks Liz Z



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It's bedtime, and the girl is saying her bedtime prayers.

"God bless Mommy and Daddy, and me.

And please make Madrid the capital of Australia."

An angel hears her, and asks why she wants Madrid to be the capital of Australia.

The girl responds,

"Because, that's what I put on my geography test today!"

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Those Funny Animals

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If the train in Myanmar
is running late it does't stop

just slows down





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thanks Liz Z



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The Youth Variety Club of Perth West Aussie
in Karrinyup shopping centre




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An English teacher at Iowa State University

spent a lot of time marking grammatical errors in her students' written work.

She wasn't sure how much impact she was having until one overly busy day

when she sat at her desk rubbing her temples.

A student asked,

"What's the matter, Mrs. Sheridan?"

"Tense," she replied, describing her emotional state.

After a slight pause the student tried again...

"What was the matter?

What has been the matter?

What might have been the matter..."


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Praying Mantis

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Irish Taxi Driver

Love the way he jumps out of the cab and leaves his passengers




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thanks Liz Z



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see more Gifs


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Blasts from the Past



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Facebook

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________________
The first guy said, "You know, I'm really lucky.

When my wife makes love, she's like an acrobat.

She can get into the most incredible positions."

The second guy said, "I'm lucky, too.

My wife is like a world-class pianist when we have sex.

She's got the most talented hands you can imagine."

No one spoke for a moment.

Then the first guy said to the third guy,

"George how's you wife in bed?"

George took a sip of his beer, then replied,

"I guess you could say that my wife makes love like a chess player."

"A chess player?"

"Yeah. Every twenty minutes, she moves."


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Misery Bear hates work




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thanks Liz Z


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thanks Liz Z



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SOMETHING AUSSIE



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A TRUE STORY WHO KNOWS?

BUT ON CURRENT PERFORMANCE HARDLY SURPRISING

Read to the end, it is good malicious humour do you think?

Cattle GuardsYour government at work:

You will love this one,

I haven't stopped laughing

For those of you who have never travelled to the country ,

cattle guards are horizontal steel rails placed at fence openings,

in dug-out places in the roads adjacent to highways (sometimes across highways),

to prevent cattle from crossing over that area.

For some reason the cattle will not step on the "guards,"

probably because they fear getting their feet caught between the rails?

.Last year, Kevin Rudd received and was reading a report

that there were over 10,000 cattle guards in NSW & Queensland.

Graziers had protested his proposed changes in grazing policies,

so he ordered the Minister to fire half of the cattle guards immediately!!

Before the Minister could respond and presumably try to straighten him out,

Minister for Employment Julia Gillard,

intervened with a request that before any cattle guards were fired,

they be given six months of retraining.

And now she is running our country.

Passed on to you without further comment....

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BONUS

Gotta like this





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WOMEN

Four women were chatting in the locker room,

when one of them mentioned the fact that while there were numerous terms

for male masturbation, i.e. jerking off, spanking the monkey,

slappin' the salami and so on, there weren't any common terms for female masturbation.

"I've always called it 'jilling off'," said one of the women.

"But that's just a feminization of 'jacking off,'" said the first.

"You're right," said another.

"We don't seem to have any slang terms of our own for it."

The fourth woman snorted.

"After fourteen years of marriage, there's only one thing I call it."

"What's that?"

"Finishing the job.


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PHILS PHILOSOPHY

but I leave you with

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Disclaimer

All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site
are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.