434

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thanks Toni

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A little paper bag was feeling unwell, so he took himself off to the doctors.

'Doctor, I don't feel too good,' said the little Paper bag.

'Hmm, you look OK to me,' said the Doctor, 'but I'll do a blood test and see what that shows,

Come back and see me in a couple of days.'

The little paper bag felt no better when he got back for the results.

‘What's wrong with me?' asked the little paper bag.

'I'm afraid you are HIV positive!' said the doctor.

'No, I can't be - I'm just a little paper bag!' Said the little paper bag.

'Have you been having unprotected sex?' asked the doctor.

'NO, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little paper bag!'

'Well have you been sharing needles with other Intravenous drug users?' asked the doctor.

'NO, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little paper bag!'

'Perhaps you've been abroad recently and required a Jab or a blood transfusion?' queried the doctor.

'NO, I don't have a passport - I'm just a little paper bag!'

'Well', said the doctor, 'are you in a homosexual Relationship?'

'NO! I told you I can't do things like that, I'm Just a little paper bag!'

'Then there can be only one explanation.' said the doctor

SCROLL DOWN

This is good - wait for it .... .... .... ...... ....

'Your mother must have been a carrier'

Well it is Friday! What did you expect!?

thanks Gordon H


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Responsible consumption of alcohol.

I would like to share an experience with you all,

 to do with drinking and driving.

As you know some of us have had brushes with the authorities

 on our way home in recent months.

Well I for one have done something about it.

The other night I was out for a dinner and a few drinks

 and watched the State of Origin with some friends

 and having far too much vino, and knowing full well I was wasted,

 I did something I’ve never done before.

I took a bus home.

I arrived home safely and without incident,

which was a real surprise,

as I have never driven a bus before.

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The Mavericks

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 Greece

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Australia

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USA

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Lockouts

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Airport Fun

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Can you think of a reason not to share those

Neither could I

thanks Gordon H

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Gotta love this

thanks Glynis G

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Those Funny Animals

thanks David T

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Save the "Humpback" Whale

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-

Paddy was trapped in a bog and thought himself to be a goner

when Big Mick O’Reilly happened to wander by.

“Help! Help me!” Paddy yelled, “Oi’m sinking!”

“Don’t you worry yourself, Paddy,” said Mick assuredly.

“Next to the Strong Man Muldoon, Oi’m the strongest lad in Erin, I am.

 Oi’ll pull ye right out of that mess, I will.”

With that, Big Mick leaned over grabbing Paddy’s hand

 and he pulled and he pulled, but to no avail.

Two more times, Big Mick pulled, but still no luck.

 After the last attempt, Mick said to Paddy,

 “Sure, but Oi cannot do it, Paddy.

The Strong Man Muldoon could do it alone, maybe,

 but Oi’ll have to go get us some help.”

As Mick was preparing to leave to get help,

Paddy called out,

 “Mick! Mick!

 Do ye think it would help if Oi pulled me feet out of the stirrups?”

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Most Amazing Video

thanks Wayne W


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thanks Kitty L

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Unlike many tales of this ilk,

this occurred not in a bar but in a restaurant.

A frequent patron noted that another frequent customer

 was a brown-robed, bare-footed monk.

Every day, the monk would come in and order the lunch special.

And, every day, the waitress would charge him only half price.

While he could appreciate the courtesy accorded to a man of the cloth,

 the patron felt there was a certain unfairness involved,

 so he complained.

He was somewhat mollified when the waitress explained that the monk

 was a member of the restaurant’s frequent friar program.

stolen from Archies Archives



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ABBA

Two duffers were playing together.

 After the first hole, one said to the other,

 "What did you take on that hole?"

"I took a seven," the second duffer said.

"What did you take?"

"I took a six," his friend said.

After the second hole, the first duffer said, "What did you..."

"Hey, not so fast," his friend said. "It's my turn to ask first!"

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PARKING

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thanks Toni



A Spitfire Pilot

"A World War II Spitfire pilot is speaking in a church

 and reminiscing about his war experiences.

'In 1942,' he says, 'the situation was really tough.

 The Germans had a very strong air force.

 I remember,' he continues, 'one day I was protecting the bombers

 and suddenly, out of the clouds, these fokkers appeared.'

There are a few gasps from the parishioners,

 and several of the children began to giggle.

'I looked up, and realized that two of the fokkers were directly above me.

 I aimed at the first one and shot him down.

By then, though, the other fokker was right on my tail.'

At this point, several of the elderly ladies of the church were blushing with embarrassment,

 the girls were all giggling and the boys laughing loudly.

The pastor finally stands up and says,

'I think I should point out that 'Fokker' was the name of a German-Dutch aircraft company,

 who made many of the planes used by the Germans during the war.'

'Yes, that's true,' says the old pilot

, 'but these fokkers were flying Messerschmitts.'"

stolen from Slavenka and Obi

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A man walks into a bar and looks depressed.

 The bartender comes over and, with a great show of compassion,

 gives him a beer on the house

.”Something bothering you, pal?” the bartender asks.

“The wife and I had a fight,” the man said,

 “She doesn’t like it when I say the word, ‘bitch’.”

“Why is that?”

“She thinks I need to learn her mother’s real name.”

Mens Love Story

Polar Bear

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 PHILS PHILOSOPHY

Disclaimer



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are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.