Friday, July 22, 2011





Image by FlamingText.com





 436


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thanks Barnesy

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A group of guys and one girl are sitting together at a baseball game.
During the game the guys notice the girl knew just as much about the game as themselves,
and are really impressed.
After the game they ask her,
 "How is it that you know so much about baseball?"
She says, "Well, I used to be a guy and got a sex change."
The guys are amazed, but very curious about the process.
 "What was the most painful part of the process?
 Was it when they cut IT off?"
"That was very painful, but was not the most painful part," she replied.
"Was it when they cut off your balls?" asked the guys.
"That was very painful, but was not the most painful part," said the girl.
"What was the most painful part?" the guys asked.
She answered,
 "The part that hurt the most was when they cut my salary in half!"

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Topical Cartoons





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There was a businessman, and he was feeling really crook,
and he went to see the Doctor about it.
The doctor says to him, "Well, it must be your diet,
what sort of greens do you eat?"
The man replies, "Well, actually, I only eat peas,
I hate all other green foods."
The doctor was quite shocked at this and says,
 "Well man, that's your problem, all those peas will be clogging up your system,
 you'll have to give them up!!"
The guy says, "But how long for, I mean I really like peas!"
The doctor replies, "Forever, I'm afraid"
The man is quite shocked by this, but he gives it a go
and sure enough, his condition improves,
so he realises that he will never eat a pea again.
Anyway, one night, years later,
 he's at a convention for his employer and getting quite sloshed.
One of the reps says, "Well, actually, I'd love a cigarette,
because I haven't had a smoke in four years, I gave it up."
Quite a shocker really, and the barman goes,
 "Really, I haven't had a game of golf in 3 years,
because it cost me my first marriage, so i gave it up!"
The businessman says. "That's nothing, I haven't had a pea in 7 years."
The barman jumps up screaming,
 "Ok, everyone who can't swim, grab a table...."

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 You've been mooned!!







thanks Liz and Alan

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Three men, Mr. White, Mr. Brown and Mr. Green,
were in the habit of meeting in a local doughnut shop
 every morning for coffee and doughnuts.
One morning as they were sitting at their usual table,
Mr. White remarked, "Hey, will you look at that.
 We're each wearing a colored baseball cap today."
One white cap, one brown cap, and one green cap.
 But interestingly, no one was wearing a cap of the color that matches his name.
At this, the guy wearing the green cap says,
 "Oh you stup', that doesn't mean anything, it's just coincidence.
 Shut up and eat your doughnut."

The question is: What color cap is each man wearing?
At first it doesn't seem like it, but you have all the information you need to solve the puzzler
if you can't work it out the answer is at the end of this post


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Eggless Omelette




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Those Funny Animals










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For all those lovers of Aussie Rules Footy
Something to enjoy


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A funny story circulated recently about Sir Arthur Conan Doyle,
 creator of the fictional detective Sherlock Holmes.
 Doyle evidently told of a time when he climbed into a taxi cab in Paris.
 Before he could utter a word, the driver turned to him and asked,
 "Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?"
Doyle was flabbergasted.
 He asked the driver if he had ever seen him before.
 "No, sir," the driver responded,
 "I have never seen you before."
Then he explained,
 "This morning's paper had a story about you being on vacation in Marseilles.
This is the taxi stand where people who return from Marseilles always come.
 Your skin color tells me you have been on vacation.
The inkspot on your right index finger suggests to me that you are a writer.
 Your clothing is very English, not French.
 Adding up all those pieces of information,
 I deduced that you are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle."
"This is truly amazing!" the writer exclaimed.
 "You are a real-life counterpart to my fictional creation, Sherlock Holmes!"
"There is one more thing," the driver said.
"What is that?" asked Mr. Doyle.
"Your name is on the front of your suitcase."

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At the Beach










thanks Kitty L

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I had a dream the other night.
 I was in the old West riding in a stagecoach.
 Suddenly, a man riding a horse pulled up to the left side of the stagecoach,
 and a riderless horse pulled up on the right.
The man leaned down,
 pulled open the door and jumped off his horse into the stagecoach.
 Then he opened the other door and jumped onto the other horse.
Just before he rode off,
 I yelled out, "What was all that about?"
He replied, "Nothing. ...
.. It's just a stage I'm going through."





The failure of the third largest manufacturer of baby’s toys was enough to rattle the entire industry.

The man who impulsively got a cat despite his allergies later realized that it was a rash decision.

Who invented fractions? Henry the 1/8!

A photographer was great at botany because he knew photo synthesis.



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Seniors











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video



A tourist is visiting New York City when his car breaks down.
 He jumps out and starts fiddling under the hood.

About five minutes later, he hears some thumping sounds
and looks around to see someone taking stuff out of his trunk.
 He runs around and yells,
 "Hey, bud, this is my car!"
"Okay," the man says.
 "You take the front and I'll take the back."

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Here's the answer.
 If Mr. White says nobody is wearing a cap of his own color that obviously includes him,
so he can be wearing either a green cap or a brown cap.
 But not a white one.
And he can't be wearing the green cap because the guy with the green cap spoke up.
 So Mr. White must be wearing what? The brown cap!
And Mr. Green? He's got to be wearing the white cap,
 and Mr. Brown has got to be wearing? The green cap!
 It was easy;
I told you it was for eighth graders!
Do we have a winner?

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Roller Coaster in Japan


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 PHILS PHILOSOPHY

Disclaimer

All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site
are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.



 

1 comment:

Sandee said...

That roller coaster make me a bit nauseous. Okay a lot nauseous.

Have a terrific day. :)