Best viewed full screen
thanks Gordon H
Only in India
thanks Liz Z
Those Funny Animals
Am not sharing..... OK
Kitten gets help to breathe
Kitten with a top hat
thanks Kitty L
Gotta love this
There was a strange procession through the city.
A group of Sterile Monks in white robes led the march,
carrying a large urn.
When they stopped marching,
they began circling the urn which contained flowers
and the branches of fruit trees.
They were chanting, raising their hands,
bowing to the container.
Each of the Monks plucked a plum from the branches in the urn and,
after eating it,
carefully placed the seed inside the vessel.
The Monks then began performing a kind of ritual
on one young member of the group.
It appeared to be some sort of vase sect to me
stolen from Archies Archives
Crazy Height Workers
Who needs a caddie?
A man goes to a public golf course.
He approaches the man behind the counter in the pro shop and says,
'I would like 18 holes of golf and a caddie'
The man behind the counter says,
'The 18 holes of golf is no problem,
but all of the caddies are out on the course.
What I will do for you is this:
We just received 8 brand new robot golf caddies.
If you're willing to take one with you out on the course
and come back and tell me how well it works,
your round of golf is on me today.'
The golfer obviously accepted the man's offer.
He approached the first tee,
looked at the fairway and said to himself,
'I think my driver will do the job.'
The robot caddie turned to the man and said,
'No sir. Use your 3 wood.
A driver is far too much club for this hole.'
Hesitantly, the golfer pulled out his 3 wood,
made good contact with the ball,
and the ball landed about 10 feet to the right front of the hole on the green.
The golfer, delighted, turned to the robot
and thanked him for his assistance.
As the golfer pulled out his putter he said,
'I think this green is gonna break left to right.'
The robot then again spoke up and said,
'No sir. I do believe this green will break right to left'
Thinking about the last time the robot corrected his prediction,
he decided again to listen to the machine.
He made his putt and birdied the hole thanks to the robot and his advice.
But his luck didn't end there.
His entire game was the best game he ever played,
thanks to the assistance of the new robot golf caddie.
Upon returning to the clubhouse,
the man behind the counter asked,
'How was your game ?'
The golfer stated,
'It was, by far, the BEST game I ever played.
Thank you very much for letting me take one of your robots.
See you next week.
A week passed, and excited,the golfer returned to the pro shop.
Upon entering, he turned to the man behind the counter and said,
'I would like 18holes of golf and one of those robot golf caddies, please.'
The gentleman from behind the counter turned to the man and said,
'Well the 18 holes is no problem. However,
we had to get rid of the robots.
We had too many complaints.'
Confused, the golfer cried,'COMPLAINTS?
Who in the heck could've complained about those robots?
They were incredible'
The man sighed and said,
'Well, it wasn't their performance
. It was that they were made of shiny silver metal,
and the sun reflecting off them was blinding to other golfers on the fairway.'
The golfer said,
'So then why didn't you just paint them black?'
The man nodded sadly and replied,
'We did. Then four of 'em didn't show up for work
, two filed for welfare,
one of them robbed the pro shop,
and the other is running for President.'
thanks Shelagh N
thanks Jayne M
thanks Jayne M
The Male Cycle
When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big boobs
When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big boobs,
but there was no passion,
so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life.
In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.
Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen,
cried all the time and threatened suicide.
So I decided I needed a girl with stability.
When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring.
She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything.
Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.
When I was 28, I found an exciting girl,
but I couldn't keep up with her.
She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything.
She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy.
She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless.
So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.
When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl
with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her.
She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.
I am older and wiser now,
and I am looking for a girl with big boobs
thanks Jayne M
thanks Geoff C
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