Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Image by FlamingText.com



Gene Vincent


Rare Celebrities pictures
How many can you recognise??


An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things,
so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make
sure nothing was wrong with them.
When they arrived at the doctors,
 they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory.
 After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay
 but might want to start writing things down
 and make notes to help them remember things.
The couple thanked the doctor and left.
Later that night while watching TV,
the man got up from his chair and his wife asked,
 “Where are you going?”
He replied, “To the kitchen.”
She asked, “Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?”
He replied, “Sure.”
She then asked him,
“Don’t you think you should write it down so you can remember it?”
He said, “No, I can remember that.”
She then said, “Well I would also like some strawberries on top.
You had better write that down because I know you’ll forget that.”
He said, “I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.”
She replied, “Well I also would like whipped cream on top.
 I know you will forget that so you better write it down.”
With irritation in his voice, he said,
 “I don’t need to write that down! I can remember that.”
 He then fumes into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes he returned from the kitchen
and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs.
 She stared at the plate for a moment and said angrily:
“I TOLD you to write it down!
 You forgot my toast!”


The best wedding proposal you'll ever see


thanks Gordon H


There is finally conclusive evidence
 that Osama bin Laden and
Muammar Gaddafi are dead.
Yesterday, they both registered to vote in Chicago.



thanks Kitty L




 Those Funny Animals


A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth.
The first Sunday after he gets his new teeth,
 he talks for only Eight minutes.
The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes.
The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes.
The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit
 and they asked him what happened.
The Pastor explains the first Sunday
his gums hurt so bad he couldn't
talk for more than 8 minutes.
 The second Sunday his gums hurt too much
to talk for more than 10 minutes.
 But, the third Sunday,
 he put his
wife's teeth in by mistake
 and he couldn't shut up...

thanks Diane McV




thanks Steve McV


Only in South Korea



Rally Car Fails



He was still a novice.
His goal was to become an Arahat, a worthy person.
 He had given up all his possessions, his family and his friends.
 He had studied Tripikita night and day
and had strove to follow the Noble Eightfold Path,
 but it was not enough.
He had not reached the inner peace,
 the perfection,
 the Nirvana necessary to finally become a lama.
Then the toothache came.
 It would not stop no matter how much he tried to meditate.
Yoga failed.
He had to visit the dentist who found caries extending down to the root.
 He would need a root canal operation.
He readily agreed.
Anything to stop the pain.
The dentist offered Novacaine or Nitrous Oxide.
 He refused.
 He had the entire root canal done without any type of anesthesia.
 And when the operation was finished he knew that he had reached his goal in life.
He was finally able to …
 transcend dental medication.

stolen from Archies Archives

Sheldon, a butcher just out of trade school in Canada,
 applies for -- and gets a job, skinning and cutting up the kills of local hunters.
The first project he gets is to cut up a moose to put in the freezer
. Sheldon finally gets the moose cut up.
 He is putting it into bags and marking them carefully with the contents:
 chops, rump steak, ribs, sirloin, etc.
When he finishes with the stuff he knows,
there is still left a pile of 'unidentifiable' moose parts.
At a loss as to what to do with them,
Sheldon finally puts them all into one large bag and labels them...
 "15 lb. Moosellaneous."


Beer in Space


An office receptionist got the shock of her life earlier this week
 when she found a 70cm long snake entangled in the web of a deadly spider.
 Tania Robertson, a receptionist at an electrical firm in Perth,
came in to work on Tuesday and spotted the sight next to a desk in her office.
 The snake, which had obviously died from the spider's poisonous bite,
was off the ground and caught up in the web.
Leon Lotz of the Arachnology Department at the National Museum
said it was only the second time that he had heard of a snake getting caught in a spider's web.
 It is believed the snake got caught in the web on Monday night.
But it did not take the spider long to bite it.
A red mark on the snake's stomach was evidence of where the spider had started eating it.
Throughout Tuesday, the spider checked on her prey,
 but on Wednesday she rolled it up and started spinning a web around it
. She also kept lifting it higher off the ground,
 while continually snacking on it.

thanks Joe B




: 50's Car Test - NO CHEATING!!!

The average score is 73%

What was your score?

thanks Kitty L

Little Johnny


thanks Shelagh N




All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site
are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.

McDonald's "Package" from Sven on Vimeo.

Click on the perfume bottle below:


Sandee said...

Loved the proposal and wedding one. That was awesome.

Have a terrific day. :)

toni said...

Ditto to what Sandee said and yes, I've appropriated it.

BTW, what perfume bottle?