Phils Phun

499

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from the International Space Station

thanks Kitt

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How many can you recognise??

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A farmer finally decided to buy a TV. The store assured him that they would install the antenna and TV the next day.
The next evening the farmer turned on his new TV and found only political ads on every channel. The next morning he turned the TV on and found only political ads again. When he came in to eat lunch, he tried the TV again but STILL only found political ads!
The next day, when he still found only political ads, he called the store to complain. The owner said that it was impossible for every channel to have nothing but political ads, but agreed to send their repairman to check the TV.
When the TV repairman turned on the TV he found that the farmer was right! After looking at the TV for a while, he went outside to check the antenna.
In a few minutes he returned and told the farmer he had found the problem. The antenna had been installed on top of the windmill and the ground rod was in the manure pile.

New word for the year

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some more awesome playing

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Some pictures that I liked

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Baby's

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thanks to Jayne M for the above videoe's

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Those Funny Animals

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I was in a church meeting where the topic was "Burial or Cremation?" was discussed. Two of the people got rather worked up. One said to the other, "If you have yourself cremated, all you will be doing is making an ash of yourself!" The other replied, "Well, I'm told that petroleum comes from fossilized bones, so if you have yourself buried all you will be doing is making a fuel of yourself."

thanks Toni S

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Only in Germany

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THE BAPTIST CHURCH DINNER!

A group of friends from the Church wanted to get
together on a regular basis, socialize, and play games. The lady of
the house was to prepare the meal.

When it came time for Al and Janet to be the hosts, Janet wanted to
outdo all the others. She decided to have mushroom-smothered steak.
But mushrooms are expensive. She then told her husband, "No mushrooms.
They are too high."

He said, "Why don't you go down in the pasture and pick some of those
mushrooms? There are plenty in the creek bed."

She said, "No, some wild mushrooms are poison."

He said, "Well, I see varmints eating them and they're OK." So Janet
decided to give it a try.. She picked a bunch, washed, sliced, and
diced them for her smothered steak.

Then she went out on the back porch and gave Ol' Spot (the yard dog) a
double handful. Ol' Spot ate every bite.
All morning long, Janet watched Ol' Spot and the wild mushrooms didn't
seem to affect him, so she decided
to use them.

The meal was a great success, and Janet even hired a helper lady from
town to help her serve. After everyone had finished, they relaxed,
socialized, and played '42' and dominoes. About then, the helper lady
came in and whispered in Janet's ear.

She said, "Mrs. Williams, Ol' Spot is dead."

Janet went into hysterics.

After she finally calmed down, she called the doctor and told him what
had happened.

The doctor said, "That's bad, but I think we can take care of it. I
will call for an ambulance and I will be there as quickly as possible.
We'll give everyone enemas and we will pump out everyone's stomach.
Everything will be fine. Just keep them calm.."

Soon they could hear the siren as the ambulance was coming down the road.

The EMTs and the doctor had their suitcases, syringes, and a stomach pump.

One by one, they took each person into the bathroom, gave them an
enema, and pumped out their stomach.
After the last one was finished, the doctor came out and said, "I
think everything will be fine now," and he left. They were all looking
pretty weak sitting around the living room and about this time the
helper lady came in and whispered to Janet, "You know, that fellow
that run over Ol' Spot never even stopped."

thanks KittyL

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Ringtone

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Architects

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Excavator Trick

thanks David J and Jayne M

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Misleading signs

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It was parent's day at the local university and the Dean was showing a group of parents the great things about the campus. While walking by the Science building, a student walked out dressed entirely in black, wearing a mask and brandishing a sword. When one of the parents inquired if such a student could be considered a distraction to the others, the Dean replied, "Well yes. But, you see we have a Zorro Tolerance policy at this school."

It would be the concert of the decade. And for such a worthy cause. The orphanage where several of the greatest of the rock stars had been raised had deteriorated to such an extreme, that it was about to be condemned; and the residents scattered to other institutions around the country. Elton John had decided he would not allow that to happen and had obtained promises from his friends, some of the greatest names in the industry, to agree to participate.
The concert would be held on the grounds of the orphanage. Enough funds would be raised to totally refurnish the institution. But the grounds where the concert would be held was in as bad a disarray as the building itself. Paint was peeling off the outer walls of the building. The grass was eight inches high. The rose gardens were primarily weeds, the swimming pool was covered with a lychen-like plant., and the walks were cracked.
The group agreed that they would not only participate in the concert, but that each of the rock stars would do his part to rejuvenate the grounds. They would do it all themselves without outside help.
And if you had visited the orphanage on that week before the concert, you would have seen an amazing sight. Paul McCartney and Sting painting the building, David Lee Roth cutting the lawn, David Bowie and Roger Daltry pulling out weeds, Bruce Springstein and David Crosby repaving the walks.
As the day of the concert approached, the participants took a tour around the grounds. Everything looked great. Until they reached the swimming pool which was still covered with the thick green growth. John checked his roster to see who was supposed to clean the pool, and found him sitting at the side of the pool, staring out into space. It was Mick Jagger, and he had not done the job he had been assigned.
John approached Jagger to ask what had happened, and received the solemn answer, almost in tears. "You should have known I couldn't do it," Mick replied. "A Rolling Stone gathers no moss." -- Stan Kegel