This is an eclectic collection of video:
most are impressive, some will bring a smile or a laugh.
(I particularly like the shot of the cat in free-fall
And looks even better viewed full screen
Things to make you feel young
The Earth is 4.54 billion years old
Mount Everest came into being 61.5 million years ago
The jellyfish can live forever because it can renew its own cells
The Great Gatsby was written 100 years ago
The Moeraki boulders in New Zealand are 4.5 million years old
The Great Sphinx is 5000 years old
The Great Wall of China is 2200 years old
The Milky Way is 13.2 billion years old
The Clandestine Roommate
A salesman who was traveling to Petrograd
was unable to continue his journey because of a severe snowstorm.
The stationmaster told him that the trains
would surely be running again at six o'clock the next morning,
as the tracks would be cleared by that hour.
The traveler had no alternative but to go to the local hotel.
By the time he arrived at the small-town hostelry
all the rooms had been taken by the other passengers of the delayed train.
However the desk clerk was a kindly soul
who could not bear to put a weary stranger out in such a blizzard,
and he hit upon an idea.
"Listen, my friend,
all of the rooms here have a single bed each,
so I can't very well ask the occupants to put you up for the night.
But there is one room here with two beds in it."
"Thank God!" breathed the salesman.
"I was afraid I might have to sleep out in the cold tonight."
"Wait a minute, I must tell you something," said the clerk hurriedly.
"The guest in that room is a General in the Czar's army.
But I'll ask him if he will share his room with you."
"Don't bother," sighed the other resignedly
. "A General would never share his room with a Jew."
He thought about it for a moment and then his face brightened.
"Look, I have an idea!" he said excitedly.
"Maybe I can sleep in that extra bed after all.
It is very late now, so the General must be fast asleep.
Tomorrow I must rise early to catch the six o'clock train.
At that hour of the morning he'll still be sound asleep,
and he'll never know that I was in the other bed.
Just be sure to wake me up on time."
The hotel clerk agreed.
Quietly the traveler tip-toed into the room of the Czarist officer,
and without a sound--almost afraid to breathe--
the intruder undressed and went to sleep.
In the morning the clerk awakened the General's clandestine roommate
at the appointed hour.
But in the predawn darkness the Jewish guest
unwittingly donned the General's uniform
and hurried off to meet his train.
On the way, he could not help but notice
that everyone he met bowed and greeted him i
n a most respectful manner.
"How do they know that I shared the same room with a General?"
He met a Captain and then a Major, and both saluted him smartly.
At the ticket office the agent handed him
a first-class ticket and assigned him to a private compartment.
"How is it that a Jew is treated so magnificently?"
he asked himself, bewildered by the unaccustomed courtesy.
he asked himself, bewildered by the unaccustomed courtesy.
Inside the compartment he speculated on the probability
that his single night's association with a great Czarist officer
might have given him a kind of aristocratic aura
--one of reflected glory.
He stood before a mirror and stared at his reflection
and examined his features for any possible change in his appearance,
and as he did, a look of utter shock spread over his face
as he recognized the General's uniform.
"Oy vay!" he groaned.
"That schlemiel of a desk clerk!
I ask him to wake me up and instead he wakes up the General.
Now, how will I ever catch this six o'clock train when
I'm still sleeping back at the hotel?"
Those funny Animals
thanks David T
Preview of Tom Hanks new movie "Captain Phillips"
Jake and Lucky were Kentucky bred thoroughbred race horses.
While young they led the proverbial "good life" for horses.
They were free to frisk about in their assigned pasture to their hearts content,
with all the sweet, luscious Kentucky blue grass to eat that any horse might desire.
Early in their training, it became obvious that Lucky was the faster of the two horses on the track.
Jake did his best but, except on those few days when Lucky was "off his feed,"
he just could not seem to come in with a faster time.
One day, when they were alone in the pasture,
Lucky said to Jake, "Let's race around the field, Jake!"
Jake replied, "I don't want to race you, Lucky.
You always win so why should I even try to race you?"
Lucky answered, "It's such a beautiful day and I feel so great,
Jake, that I'll just take it easy so you can win.
Please race with me."
Jake said, "O.K., Lucky, let's go!"
He took off with a whinny with Lucky in hot pursuit
as they raced around the edge of the pasture.
He led most of the way but near the finish,
Lucky, with a burst of speed, pulled into the lead as they crossed the line.
After regaining their breath, Jake said,
"You said you would take it easy and let me win, Lucky.
Why didn't you keep your word?"
Lucky said, "I'm sorry, Jake, but in the heat of our race,
I simply forgot. I'll not do it again."
Later that year, when the two horses were entered in their first race,
Lucky won easily and Jake came in as an "also ran."
Several weeks later, when they were again alone in their pasture
, Lucky once again was feeling at his frisky best.
He said to Jake, "Let's race, Jake!"
Jake sulked off, head held low.
Lucky stayed at his heels nibbling the sweet grass.
With each succeeding bite of the savory grass Lucky's spirits rose.
Finally he couldn't stand more.
"Jake, if you will just run with me around the pasture,
we don't have to call it a race.
I'll run along behind you.
You can cross the finish line first."
Jake thought a minute and said,
"It's such a beautiful day, Lucky. I'll take your word.
Off they ran through the kneedeep grass with Jake
in the lead and Lucky right on his heels.
They whinnied with delight as they ran at full gallop.
Near the end of the course,
Jake began to tire.
Lucky had stamina to spare and passed Jake with ease
. He crossed the finish line a full length ahead of Jake.
Needless to say, Jake was heartbroken.
It was several days before he would even talk with Lucky
. When they finally made up,
Lucky apologized endlessly.
Jake accepted grudgingly but vowed he would never race Lucky again.
Lucky went on to win almost every race in which he was entered:
the Kentucky Derby, the Preakness, the Belmont Stakes.
He had a long and illustrious career.
Whenever he was not racing,
he was often returned to the pasture with his best friend Jake.
Jake delighted in hearing of Lucky's triumphs
, but won very few races himself.
Years later, after both had been retired from racing,
when they were standing near the barn in the shade,
Lucky suggested to Jake that they should gallop around the pasture,
just for old time's sake.
Jake replied, "You know I won't do that, Lucky,
because you always win."
"On my word of honor, J
ake, this time will be different," Lucky said.
"I'll control myself and let you cross the finish line first."
Reluctantly, lake said,
"Don't run very fast, though
. My old bones hurt too much when I gallop like we did years ago."
Lucky agreed and they trotted off around the field.
When they had almost completed the circuit,
Jake tired badly so he slowed to a walk.
Lucky still had lots of energy so he cantered on ahead.
He again finished in the lead as they neared the barn.
When they had both stopped near the barn
an old dog who had observed the unfolding saga for years said,
"I could have told you, Jake
. You should have known. Lucky can't be trusted.
He will always win whenever he runs."
Jake turned to Lucky and said:
"Look, Lucky, a talking dog!"
A collection of pictures to make you smile
Mary Poppins, the magical British nanny, was travelling home,
but due to worsening weather,
she decided to stop at a hotel for the night.
She approached the receptionist and asked for a room.
"Certainly, madam," he replied courteously.
"Is the restaurant open still?" inquired Mary.
"Sorry, no," came the reply,
"but room service is available all night
. Would you care to select something from this menu?"
Mary smiled and took the menu and perused it.
"Hmm, I would like cauliflower cheese please.
And may I have breakfast in bed?" asked Mary politely.
The receptionist nodded and smiled.
"In that case, I would love a couple of poached eggs, please,"
After confirming the order,
Mary signed in and went up to her room.
The night passed uneventfully
and next morning Mary came down early to check out.
The same guy was still on the desk
. "Morning, madam. Sleep well?"
"Yes, thank you," Mary replied.
"Food to your liking?"
"Well, I have to say the cauliflower cheese was exceptional,
I don't think I have had better.
Shame about the eggs though.
They really weren't that nice at all,"
replied Mary truthfully.
"Oh, well, perhaps you could contribute these thoughts
to our Guest Comments Book.
We are always looking to improve our service
and would value your opinion,"
said the receptionist.
"Okay, I will, thanks!" replied Mary,
who then checked out, paused awhile,
then scribbled a comment into the book.
Waving, she left to continue her journey.
Curious, the receptionist picked up the book
to see the comment Mary had written:
"Super cauliflower cheese, but eggs were quite atrocious!"
A missionary for the Southern Baptist Convention
asked for assignment to a region of New Guinea
known for its cannibalism.
He thought it would provide him the greatest opportunities
for success if he could work with people whose lifestyle
was so far removed from the Western culture.
His superiors agreed and sent him out post haste.
Try at he might,
the missionary was unable to make much progress
with the normal methods of conversion as prescribed by the church.
More often than not he was rebuffed by the small tribe
where he had taken up residence.
It seems that they preferred eating over learning about Christianity.
The missionary thought perhaps if he were to prepare a large stew
and feed them,
he might gain their attention long enough to deliver his message.
As things turned out,
he had the right approach if not the right ingredients.
When he presented the large kettle of stew to the cannibals,
they misunderstood his offering.
They believed he was sacrificing himself so they grabbed him,
threw him in the pot, and boiled him until he was tender.
It was only when they ate him that they finally got a taste of religion
Whats happening to school education
I planted some bird seed.
A bird came up.
Now I don't know what to feed it
I had amnesia once---or twice
I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart.
Protons have mass?
I didn't even know they were Catholic.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy
If the world were a logical place,
men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
They told me I was gullible and I believed them.
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home
and, when he grows up,
he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.
Experience is the thing you have left
when everything else is gone.
One nice thing about egotists:
they don't talk about other people.
My weight is perfect for my height--which varies.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
How can there be self-help "groups"?
If swimming is so good for your figure,
how do you explain whales?
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground,
and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off
Is it me --or do Buffalo wings taste like chicken?
If you have an emergency this weekend,
this is who to call !!!!
At Last, something worthwhile
Thank Diane McV
DIALOGUE BETWEEN A LADY INTERVIEWER
WITH A MALE BEER DRINKER:
Lady Interviewer: Do you drink every day?
Lady Interviewer: How much a day?
Man: Around 3 six-packs starting at noon.
Lady Interviewer: How much does a 6-pack cost?
Man: Roughly $10.00 at a deli.
Lady Interviewer: And how long have you been drinking like that?
Man: 15 years.
Lady Interviewer: So with a six-pack costing $10.00,
and you consuming 3 six-packs a day,
you are spending roughly $900 each month.
In one year, you would then be spending $10,800, correct?
Lady Interviewer: If in 1 year you spend $10,800 on beer,
not accounting for inflation,
15 years puts your spending roughly $162,000; correct?
Lady Interviewer: Did it ever occur to you that
if you did not drink for the last 15 years,
you could have bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you drink?
Lady Interviewer: No.
Man: So where's your Ferrari?
A blonde gets carried away at a pet store,
and ends up buying over a hundred goldfish.
When she gets home,
she finds that there are so many of them,
the only place she can keep them is in her bathtub!
One day she invites her friend,
Sally, over to see all her beautiful goldfish.
The friend is very impressed, and remarks,
"They surely are beautiful,
but what do you do when you want to take a bath?"
"Oh, that's not a problem,"
the blonde replies, brightly,
"I just blindfold them."
The Bear Essentials
Meanwhile in New Zealand
Video is a couple of years old
but is funny still
Penny and Sheldon
And in the USA
An elderly man went to his doctor and said,
'Doc, I think I'm getting senile..
Several times lately,
I have forgotten to zip up.'
'That's not senility,' replied the doctor.
'Senility is when you forget to zip down.
Paying your Tax in the future
This weeks signs
A good life is when you assume nothing,
do more, need less, smile often and realize how fortunate you are right now.
It’s about the simple pleasures that make you happy,
the compassionate deeds you perform,
the personal goals you strive to achieve,
the relationships you nurture and the legacy you leave behind.
So starting today, choose to take control.
Here are ten commandments to help you live a good life.
And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count.
It’s the life in your years.
– Abraham Lincoln
It’s the life in your years.
– Abraham Lincoln
I. I am not perfect and I will not try to be.
Think of how many things don’t get done in this world
simply because people are waiting for the perfect time, place and circumstance.
The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists.
It rewards people who get things done.
And the only way to get things done is to be imperfect 99% of the time.
ll. I cannot, and will not try, to please everyone.
No matter what you do or how you do it
, there will always be people that disagree with what you’re doing.
So don’t try please everyone.
Simply do what I know is right.
And remember, it doesn’t matter how many people don’t get it,
it matters how many people do.
III. I will take part in something I believe in.
This could be anything.
Some people take an active role in their city council,
some find refuge in religious faith,
some join social clubs supporting causes they believe in
and others find passion in their careers.
In each case the psychological outcome is the same.
They engage themselves in something they strongly believe in.
This engagement brings happiness and meaning into their lives.
IV. I will prioritize my obligations and do important things first.
Set priorities for yourself and act accordingly.
It’s the only way to get things done.
It’s the only way to turn a dream into a reality.
V. I will choose my friends wisely.
Your friends are family you choose.
So make sure you choose friends
who are worthy of your time and attention.
Surround yourself with people who reflect the person you want to be.
Choose friends who you are proud to know,
people you admire, who love and respect you –
people who make your day a little brighter simply by being in it.
VI. I will help others when I am able.
In life, you get what you put in.
When you make a positive impact in someone else’s life,
you also make a positive impact in your own life.
The more you help others,
the more they will want to help you.
VII. I will focus on the positive.
Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story.
The mind must believe it can do something before it is capable of actually doing it.
The way to overcome negative thoughts and destructive emotions
is to develop opposing, positive emotions
that are stronger and more powerful.
Listen to your self-talk and replace negative thoughts with positive ones
. Regardless of how a situation seems,
focus on the next positive step forward.
VIII. I can only be me.
Judy Garland once said,
“Always be a first rate version of yourself instead
of a second rate version of somebody else.”
of a second rate version of somebody else.”
Live by this statement.
There is no such thing as living in someone else’s shoes.
The only shoes you can occupy are your own.
If you aren’t being yourself,
you aren’t truly living – you’re merely existing.
And ask yourself this:
If you don’t like who you really are
, why should I like you?
Trying to be somebody you’re not is not sexy.
That’s when you’re beautiful.
IX. I will be here now.
Life is happening right now.
Instead of dwelling on the past or worrying about the future,
practice being and living in the present moment.
Remember, right now is the only moment guaranteed to you.
Right now is life.
Don’t miss it.
X. Life never gets any better, only my perception of it does.
The world around you changes when you change.
If you awake every morning with the thought
that something wonderful will happen in your life today,
and you pay close attention,
you’ll often find that you’re right.
The opposite is also true.
The choice is yours to make.
All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site
are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at email@example.com.