Wednesday, April 18, 2007

10

G'day from Sunny Western Australia here the days
are fine and mild but as winter
approaches the nights are gretting abit chilly



A bloke goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.
The interviewer asks him,
"I see you have a bad limp , what happened"?
"I was wounded in Vietnam " he says.
"They managed to save my legs
but I'm afraid they couldn't save my testicles"
"The interviewer tells the bloke,
"O.K. I can hire you right now.
The hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M.
You can start tomorrow. Come in at 10:00 A.M."
The fella is puzzled and says,
"If the hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M.
then why do you want me to come in at 10:00 A.M.?"
"This is a government job" the interviewer says.
"For the first two hours we stand around scratching our balls -
no point in you coming in for that."






The Baptism
Before performing a baptism,
the Priest approached the young father
and said solemnly,
"Baptism is a serious step.Are you prepared for it?"
"I think so," the man replied.
"My wife has made appetizers
and we have a caterer coming to
provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our guests."
"I don't mean that,"The Priest responded.
"I mean, are you prepared spiritually?"
"Oh, sure," came the reply.
"I've got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey."




A woman walks into an accountant's office
and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.
The accountant says,
"Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions."
He gets her name, address, social security number, etc.
And then asks "What is your occupation?"
She replies " I'm a whore"
The accountant is somewhat taken back and says,
"No, No, No. That won't work.
Let's try to rephrase that."
The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end call girl."
"No, that still won't work. Try again."
They both think for a minute;
then the woman says,
"I'm an elite chicken farmer".
The accountant asks,
"What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?"
"Well, I raised a thousand little peckers last year."
"Chicken Farmer it is."
------------------------------

Upon arriving home, a husband
was met at the door by his sobbing Wife.
Tearfully she explained, "It's the druggist.
He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone.
I had to call multiple times before
he would even answer the phone,
then, when he finally answered ...
he was rude to my simple question."
Immediately, the husband drove downtown
to confront the druggist and demand an apology.
Before he could say more than a word or two,
the druggist told him,
"Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it.
This morning the alarm failed to go off,
so I was late getting up.
I went without breakfast and hurried
out to the car, just to realize that I locked
the house with both house and car keys inside
and had to break a window to get my keys."
"Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket.
Later, when I was about three blocks from the store,
I had a flat tire.
When I finally got to the store a
bunch of people were waiting for me to open up.
I got the store opened and started
waiting on these people,
and all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook."
He continued,
"Then I had to break a roll of nickels
against the cash register drawer to make change,
and they spilled all over the floor.
I had to get down on my hands and knees to
pick up the nickels and the phone was still ringing.
When I came up I cracked my head
on the open cash drawer,
which made me stagger back against a showcase
with a bunch of perfume bottles on it.
Half of them hit the floor and broke."
"Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up,
and I finally got back to answer it.
It was your wife.
She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer."
"And believe me mister,
as God is my witness, all I did was tell her."





An Outback Pub
My favourite Don Williams song





4 comments:

Peter said...

Hey Phil did you "lift" the Larrimah Pub photo from Jen's Chronicles by any chance?? you left the name on it.

Phils Phun said...

Hi Pete
Yes I did
Hope she doesnt mind
Its such a good picture
Cheers
Phil

Peter said...

Hi Phil, I'm quite sure Jan won't mind you using the photo (she is a very good friend of mine) it just jumped out at me when I saw it again.

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