G'day again
Has been some much needed rain today and showers
are forecast for the next few days.
Never say no to rain
More Bears
Its those British Polar Bears again
My wifes favourite book
ONE-UPMANSHIP
Three young women are at a cocktail party.
The conversation turns to their position in life
and it's clear that they are trying to one-up each other.
The first one says,
"My husband is taking me to the French Riviera
for two weeks on vacation,"
and then looks at the others with a superior demeanor.
The second one says,
"Well, my husband just bought me a new Mercedes,"
and looks about with considerable pride.
Number three says,
"Well, to be perfectly honest with you,
we don't have much money and
we don't have any material possessions.
However, one thing I can tell you about my husband
is that thirteen canaries can stand
shoulder to shoulder on his erect penis."
After this, the first one looks shamefaced and says,
"Girls, I've got a confession to make.
I was just trying to impress you.
You know that vacation I was telling you about?
Well, it's not to the French Riviera,
it's to my parents house for two weeks."
The second one says,
"Your honesty has shamed me.
It's not a Mercedes, he bought me a Plymouth."
"Well," the third one says,
"I also have a confession to make,
canary number thirteen has to stand on one leg!"
There was once a mean old magician
who lived next door to his two beautiful assistants.
He mistreated them terribly,
but they were afraid of him and his
magic tricks and were too scared to leave.
He owed his fame to them,
for people would come from miles
around to see them on stage,
and to see the crowning act of his performance
when he would saw the girls in
half right before their very eyes.
The crowds would cheer and cheer for the girls,
but the more they did the more
the magician resented them,
and the worse his treatment became.
He would have rid himself of them,
but he knew they were the only reason
his show remained popular.
One night as he locked the girls away
in their house he failed to latch the bolt fully,
and left the door unlocked.
The girls had been waiting for
just this opportunity.
They crept out of their house, across the yard,
out the gate, down the path,
and into his yard.
They tip-toed across the yard and waited
under his bedroom window until they
heard the sound of snoring.
They crept in through the door,
went to his magicians' trunk and removed
the saw that he used on stage.
They snuck into his room,
and standing one either side of his bed,
sawed him clean in two with his very own saw.
If you live by the sawed, you die by the sawed
This is video clip very very funny,
if you don't find this funny ,
then there no hope for you
Italian Logic
An old Italian Mafia “Don” is dying
and he calls his grandson to his bed.
“Lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka
my chrome plated 38 revolver
so you always remember me.”
“But, Grandpa, I really don’t lika guns.
Howz about you leava me your Rolex watch instead?”
“Shuddup an’a lissin.
Somma day you gonna runna da business.
You gonna have a beauti fula wife,
lotsa money, a bigga home
and maybe a couple a bambinos.
Somma day you gonna comma home
and maybe find your wife inna bed
with another man.
Whadda you gonna do then …
Pointa to you watch and say,
“Times up”?
Acouple of computer funnies
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