Sunday, April 15, 2007


End of Round three
Eagles won 3
Lost 0

Best on ground Michael Braun

Yes, thats a gun in his ear

Subject: Threat Level raised in UK

The English are feeling the pinch in relation
to recent terrorist threats and have
raised their security level from 'Miffed' to 'Peeved'.
Soon, though, security levels may be
raised yet again to'Irritated' or even 'A Bit Cross'.
Londoners have not been 'A Bit Cross'
since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.
Terrorists have been re-categorized from
'Tiresome' to a 'Bloody Nuisance'.
The last time the British issued a 'Bloody Nuisance'
warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
Also, the French government announced yesterday
that it has raised its terror alert level from 'Run' to 'Hide'.
The only two higherlevels in France are
'Surrender' and 'Collaborate'.
The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that
destroyed France's white flag factory,
effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
It's not only the English and French
that are on a heightened level of alert.

Italy has increased the alert level from
'Shout Loudly and Excitedly' to
'Elaborate Military Posturing'.
Two more levels remain: 'Ineffective Combat Operations' and 'Change Sides'.
The Germans also increased their alert
state from 'Disdainful Arrogance' to
'Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs'.
They also havetwo higher levels:
'Invade a Neighbour' and 'Lose.'
Belgians, on the other hand,
are all on holiday as usual,
andthe only threat they are worried about
is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new
submarines ready to deploy.
These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms
so the new spanish navy can get a really good look
at the old spanish navy

One morning a man comes into the church on crutches.
He stops in front of the holy water
and splashes some of it on both of his legs,
then throws away his crutches.
An altar boy witnessed the scene
and runs into the rectory to tell the priest
what he'd just seen.
Without batting an eye, the priest says,
"Son, you've just witnessed a miracle.
Tell me, where is this man?"
"Flat on his ass, Father, over by the holy water."


A Lebanese arrives in Sydney
as a new immigrant to Australia.
He stops the first person he sees
walking down the street and says
"Thank you Mr. Australian for letting
me in this country, and giving me
housing, money , free medical care and free education!"
But the passer-by says
"You are mistaken, I am Russian
The man goes on and encounters another passer-by.
"Thank you for having such a
beautiful country here in Australia!"
The person says "I no Australian, I Vietnamese."
The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he
stops, shakes his hand and says
"Thank you for the wonderful Australia!"
That person puts up his hand and says
"I am from Middle East,
I am not an Australian!"
He finally sees a nice lady and asks suspiciously,
"Are you an Australian?"
She says, "No, I am from New Zealand !
So he is puzzled, and asks her,
"Where are all the Australians?"
The Kiwi lady looks at her watch, shrugs and says,
"Probably at work

In the middle of nowhere in Central Australia


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