An Aussie Love Poem
Of course I love ya darling
Your a bloody top notch bird
And when I say ur gorgeous
I mean every single word
So ya bum is on the big side
I don't mind a bit of flab
It means that when I'm ready
There's somethin there to grab
So your belly isn't flat no more
I tell ya, I don't care
So long as when I cuddle ya
I can get my arms around there
No sheila who is your age
Has nice round perky breasts
They just gave into gravity
But I know ya did ya best
I'm tellin ya the truth now
I never tell ya lies
I think its very sexy
That youv got dimples on ya thighs
I swear on me nannas grave now
The moment that we met
I thought u was as good as
I was ever gonna get
No matter wot u look like
I'll always love ya dear
Now shut up while the footy's on
And get me another beer
Do yourself a favour and watch this all the way thru
On a beautiful sunny Saturday afternoon,
Jack stood on the first tee at his country club.
He had just pulled out his driver when a young woman in a wedding gown
came running up to him, crying.
She slaps him in the face, turns and runs away.
He turns to his golfing buddy and says calmly,
"I don't know what her problem is.
I distinctly told her only if it rained."
So for him its
before it even starts
I was having trouble with my computer
So, I called Harold, the computer bloke to come over
Harold clicked a couple of buttons
and solved the problem.
He gave me a bill for a minimum service call
As he was walking away, I called after him,
"So what was wrong?"
He replied "It was an 'ID ten T' error
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired,
"An 'ID ten T' error? Whats that. In case I need to fix it again
Haven't you ever heard of an 'ID ten T' error before.
"No," I replied
"Write it down," he said "and Ithink you'll figure it out".
So I wrote down 'IDIOT'
Iused to like Harold
so this sign below seems to sum it up
A doctor who had been administering to an 80-year-old woman
for most of her life, finally retired.
At her next check-up,
her new doctor told her to bring a list of all the
medicines that had been prescribed for her.
As the young doctor looked through the list,
his eyes grew wide as he realized she had a prescription for birth control pills.
"Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?!?"
"Yes, they help me sleep at night."
"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING
in these that could possibly help you sleep!"
She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee.
"Yes, dear, I know that.
But every morning,
I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice
that my 16-year-old granddaughter drinks...
And believe me, it helps me sleep at night!"
Did you hear about the robbery at the police station?
Someone stole all of the toilet seats,
and the cops have nothing to go on.
Cuts in Polce funding has resulted in this
they won't catch many in these