Sunday, September 9, 2007

Monday, Again tomorrow and so begins a new week
Footy finals in full swing
Eagles beaten by 3 points but live to fight another day
Play Collingwood at home in sudden death playoff this coming weekend
Only thing in our favour is Collingwood [the AFL's most protected team]
is making a very rare trip out of Melbourne.
Eagles have many injury problems so this will even things up a bit

Aussie Rules Football promo
For those who haven't seen it and for our overseas readers

Football joke
Three football fans, an Eagles fan, a Dockers fan and a Collingwood fan were out for a ride
when one noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road.
They stopped and discovered a nude female, passed out drunk.
Out of respect and propriety, the Eagles fan took off his cap and placed it over her right breast. The Collingwood fan took off his cap and placed it over her left breast.

Following their lead, but with some grumbling,
the Dockers fan took off his cap and placed it over her girly part.
The police were called and when the first officer arrived,

he conducted his investigation.
First he lifted up the Eagles cap, replaced it and wrote down some notes.
Next, he lifted the Collingwood cap and replaced it, writing down some more notes.
The officer then lifted the Dockers cap, replaced it, then lifted it again, replaced it,

lifted it a third time and replaced it one last time
The Dockers fan was becoming annoyed and asked,

“What are you, a pervert or something?
Why do you keep lifting and looking, lifting and looking?”
“Well,” said the officer,

“I am just simply surprised.
Normally, when you look under a Dockers cap.... you find an asshole.”
[this will get me some hate mail]


This is a bit late but
Congratulations to Julie and Russell Cockman
from Wyalkatchem with Thomas John

Pavarotti knocks on the pearly gates
St Peter opens them and says ' Oh it's you Luciano, come on in.

Squeeze through'.
Pavarotti says ' Hold on, I 've got an envelope for you, from the Pope.'
St Peter opens it up and reads it.
Thanks Ron Wilson

Red, Green colour blindness test

Are you Colour blind
I am

Neat Electrical job
Terry Elder, Steve Baker and Jeff Cairns take special note

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed.
The chicken is leaning against a pillow, smoking a cigarette,
with a satisfied smile on his face.
The chicken takes a puff of his cigarette and asks the egg,
"Was that good for you, baby?"
The egg, looking a bit peed off, rolls over, and says,
"Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question."

Archeologists were digging at an ancient site in Norway.
They found a statue of the Norse thunder god.
The statue had two huge rubies for eyes.
When the two leading archeologists saw the statue, they began to squabble.
Each wanted to claim the discovery as his own.
The arguing went on for hours, with the rest of the team watching.
Finally, they gave up and decided to share the credit for the discovery.
As the crowd dispersed, one of the archeology assistants said to another,
“Boy, was that a fight for Thor eyes.”

For my New Zealand friends

Thought you should know this, just in case.
American Medical Association researchers have made a remarkable discovery.
It seems that some patients needing blood transfusions
may benefit from receiving chicken blood rather than human blood.
It tends to make the men cocky and the women lay better.
Just thought you'd like to know.
Thanks to Joan Andony]

Some Seniors cartoons

A young female came to the ER with lower abdominal pain.
During the exam and questioning the female denied being sexually active.
The doctor gave her a pregnancy test anyway and it came back positive.
The doctor went back to the young female's room.
Doctor: "The results of your pregnancy test came back positive.
Are you sure you're not sexually active?"
Patient: "Sexually active? No, sir, I just lay there.
"Doctor: "I see. Well, do you know who the father is?
"Patient: "No. Who?"
The Bathtub
It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time,
and this should help get you started
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director what the criterion was
which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the director, "We fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon,
a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor.
"A normal person would use the bucket because
it's bigger than the spoon or the>teacup."
"No" said the director,
"A normal person would pull the plug
Do you want a room with or without a view?"
An oldie but Goldie Thanks Robert Doohan

Everyone wants to be a Dog

Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel
"Bidge over troubled waters"

Here are a couple of signs I made up with pictures from my files

Neat Polar Bears advertising Coke

1 comment:

Hale McKay said...

Hiya Phil,

Sorry I haven't been by in a while. It's been a very hectic summer for me. I'm trying to catch up on reading my blogroll.

I like the Pavrotti joke.