Thursday, September 13, 2007

59
Its that time again
Wow?
Did I hit a raw nerve with the Dockers joke last Sunday
Its a joke people!!!
If Docker supporters want to see something vile, rude and vindictive
then they should visit Dockerland.com which is run by some Docker fans
No doubt I will get some mail should Collingwood beat the Eagles
tomorrow night, in their cut throat final

A FRIEND in need of a damn good kicking is a FRIEND indeed.
I don't know who said that but he must have known some of my mates.
I also don't know if I'm naturally drawn to terrible people
or if it works the other way round.
All I know is, people with a wicked sense of humour make wonderful friends.
They have a tendency to constantly test your friendship
in order to see if it survives.
When it does, you have further proof of what
some other anonymous person once said:
what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. -
Bill Leak

VERY FUNNY ACUPUNCTURE COMMERCIAL




Some funny signs








As a newly hired reference librarian,
I was trying to be extra sensitive to the needs of our patrons.
When an ill-at-ease adolescent boy approached me and in a barely audible voice,
asked for books on "beginning to develop,"
I was prepared.
He seemed embarrassed to be talking to me,
so I called over a male staff member and whispered that the boy
needed some books about the onset of puberty.
A while later they returned to my desk,
my colleague with a big grin on his face,
and the boy with books on photography.
[Thanks Miss Cellania]


A little boy was attending his first wedding.
After the service, his cousin asked him,
"How many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen," the boy responded.
His cousin was amazed that he knew the answer so quickly.
"How do you know that?"
"Easy," the little boy said.
"All you have to do is add it up, like the Preacher said:
4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."

A father and son went hunting together for the first time.
The father said, "Stay here and be very QUIET. I'll be across the field."
A few minutes later, the father heard a blood curdling scream and ran back to his son.
"What's wrong?" the father asked.
"I told you to be quiet."
The son answered, "Look, I was quiet when a snake slithered across my feet.
I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck.
But when the two squirrels crawled up my pant legs and said,
'Should we eat them here or take them with us?'
"I guess I just panicked...."





Floods in Ireland ,but there is always time for a guinness or two




Two business men in NY are sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store.
As yet, the store isn't ready -- only a few shelves are set up.
One says to the other, "I bet any minute now some tourist is going to walk by,
put his face to the window and ask what we're selling."
No sooner are the words out of his mouth when,
sure enough, a curious Texan walks to the window,
has a peek, and in a Southern drawl asks,
"What're y'all sellin' here?"
One of the men replies, "Oh! We're selling assholes here."
Without skipping a beat, the Texan says,
"Well, I see y'all're doing really good, you only got two left!"


EVERYBODY WANTS TO BE A DOG




What a great idea
Bit late for us here in the West
But if you blokes on the east coast
get your act together you might make it

Aussie blokes find tools to shed their loneliness
For generations, men seeking to escape life's tribulations have sought
refuge in the solitary, cobwebbed gloom of their garden sheds.
Now that favourite bolt-hole has been reinvented in Australia,
where a new breed of hobby handymen is flocking to take up tools
at communal sheds across the country.
Instead of pottering alone, men are gathering in groups,
drilling and hammering over frequent mugs of tea.
More than 200 such community sheds -
mostly converted from disused corrugated iron hangars
- have sprung up over the past decade, and many more are planned.
The 10,000-strong Men's Sheds in Australia movement is one
of the fastest-growing interest groups in the country,
and officials are sitting up and taking notice.
The Sheddies, as they are known, are mainly ageing handymen,
most of them retired and some widowed.
Women are a rarity in most of the communal sheds,
although they are theoretically welcomed.






A gang of robbers broke into a Lawyers club by mistake
The old Lawyers gave them a fight for their lives
The gang was happy to escape
"It ain't so bad" one crook noted
"We got out with about $25 each between us"
The leader of the gang said
"I warned you to stay clear of Lawyers
We each had over $100 when we broke in"


Accountants


An accountant visited the Natural History museum.
While standing near the dinosaur he said to his neighbor:
"This dinosaur is two billion years and ten months old".
"Where did you get this exact information?"
"I was here ten months ago,
and the guide told me that the dinosaur is two billion years old."


[Jokes and Cartoons pinched from Miss Cellania]


David J and Terry E are out playing Golf
They get to the 17th tee,
which overlooks a small lake'
and they see two blokes out on the lake fishing
David says
"Hey Terry! check out those two idiots fishing in the rain"
[think about it]





Thought we might have a bit of nostalgia with the vids today
First a very underated song that was way ahead of its time
MELTING POT............BLUE MINK
And a song that I used to flog to death on my record player
I still have the original 45rpm
LAZY SUNDAY....SMALL FACES






Why bother with the truth, when it doesn't suit your argument







FLIRTING GARBAGE MEN
Click on arrow to activate
video

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