Phils Phun

61

G'day to all my readers
The weekend is upon us again
Football finals continue and if your team is still in contention ,best of luck

The following two videos tell the inspring story of Kyle Lograsso a 6 year old Golf Fanatic
who has overcome some tremendous hurdles in his short life to date
It matters not if your a golf player, fan or detest the sport
Watch this
Kyle's story is not to be missed
Video two..... follows on from Video 1

Kyle Lograsso...part one

Kyle Lograsso ... part two

PM John Howard and his cabinet doing what they do best

Two babies were sitting in their cribs, when one baby shouted to the other,

“Are you a little girl or a little boy?”
“I don’t know,” replied the other baby giggling.
“What do you mean, you don’t know?” said the first baby.
“I mean I don’t know how to tell the difference,” was the reply.
“Well, I do,” said the first baby chuckling, “I’ll climb into your crib and find out.”
He carefully maneuvered himself into the other baby’s crib,

then quickly disappeared beneath the blankets.
After a couple of minutes, he resurfaced with a big grin on his face.
“You’re a little girl, and I’m a little boy,” he said proudly.
“You’re ever so clever,” cooed the baby girl, “but how can you tell?”
“It’s quite easy really,” replied the baby boy…

“you’ve got pink socks and I’ve got blue ones.”

------------------------------------------------------------------

A salesman was traveling through the country side, selling insect repellent.
He came to a farmhouse and tried his pitch on the farmer.

“Sir, my bug spray is so good you will never be bitten again. I guarantee it.”
The farmer was dubious.

“Young man, I’ll make you a proposition.
I’ll tie you out in my cornfield buck naked, covered with that bug spray.

If there is not a single bite on you come morning,

I’ll buy a whole case from you. And get everyone in the county to buy a case.

We will make you rich”.
The salesman was delighted. They went to the field and he stripped.

The farmer sprayed him thoroughly with the bug spray and tied him to a stake.

Back to the house went the farmer.

The next morning, the farmer and his family trooped out to the cornfield.
Sure enough, the salesman was there, hanging in his bonds,

not a single bite on him.

Yet he was a total wreck! Pale, ghastly, haggard, and drawn,

but not one bite on him.

The farmer was perplexed. “Son,” he said,

“Now, you don’t have a bite on you but you look like hell!

What the devil happened?”
The salesman looked up through bloodshot eyes and croaked,

“Doesn’t that calf have a mother?”

What a neat idea...GO NAVY

Although this married couple enjoyed their new fishing boat together,

it was always the husband behind the wheel on the boat.

He was concerned about what might happen in an emergency.

So one day out, on the lake he said to his wife

"Please take the wheel, dear, Pretend I am having a heart attack, you must get the boat ashore and dock it."

So she steered the boat ashore and docked it.

Later that evenig, the wife walked into the lounge room, where her husband was watching TV.

She sat down next to him, took the remote, and changed the channel and said to him.

"Please go to the kitchen dear, pretend I am having a heart attack, and set the table, cook the dinner and do the dishes"

One of the best singles ads ever printed

"SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant.

I'm a very good girl who LOVES to play.

I love long walks in the woods,

riding in your car (whatever make or model -- I'm not fussy),

hunting, camping and fishing trips,

cozy winter nights lying by the fire.

Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand.

I'll be at the front door when you get home from work,

wearing only what nature gave me.

Call O9 9459 606-xxxx, and ask for Daisy. I'll be waiting."

More than 15,000 men found themselves talking to the RSPCA

about an 8-week-old Labrador retriever.

Seattle toe/tow truck

COUPLE OF MEAN WAYS TO TRANSPORT

BBQ RULES

We are about to enter the BBQ season.

Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette

of this sublime outdoor cooking activity.

When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

Routine... (1) The woman buys the food.

(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.

(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking,

places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces,

and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill, beer in hand.

(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three metre exclusion zone

where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities

can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the important part:

(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine...

(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.

(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great.

He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat .

Important again:

(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine...

(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces,

and brings them to the table.

(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:

(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.

(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off."

And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction,

concludes that there's just no pleasing some women...

[Sent in by Paul Grubb[from Tasmania]

Jacob and Rebecca Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89,

living in Florida, are all excited about their decision to get married.

They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding,

and on the way they pass a drugstore.

Jacob suggests they go in.....

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?".

...The pharmacist answers, "Yes."....J

Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"

....Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

....Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"

....Pharmacist: "All kinds."

....Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism and scoliosis?"

....Pharmacist: "Definitely."

....Jacob: "How about Viagra?".

...Pharmacist: "Of course."

....Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?"

....Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."

....Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills,

Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"

....Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

....Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers?"

....Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."

Jacob: "We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry."

[Pinched from "It ocurred to me}

George Carlin's Views on Aging

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids?

If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

"How old are you?"

"I'm four and a half!"

You're never thirty-six and ahalf;

You're four and a half, going on five!

That's the key.

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back.

You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

"How old are you?"

"I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13; but hey, you'regonna be 16!

And then the greatest day of your life . you become 21.

Even the words sound like a ceremony . . .

YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30.

Oooohh, what happened there?

Makes you sound like bad milk!:

He TURNED; we had to throw him out.

There's no fun now,

you're Just a sour-dumpling.

What's wrong? What's changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40.

Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away.

Before you know it,youREACH 50 and your dreams are gone.

But wait!!! You MAKE IT to 60.

You didn't think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE IT to 60.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70!

After that it's aday-by-day thing;

you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle;

you HIT lunch;

you REACH 4:30;

you MAKE IT to bedtime.

And it doesn't end there.

Into the 90s, you start going backwards;

"IWasJUST 92!"

Then a strange thing happens.

If you make it over 100, you become alittle kid again.

"I'm 100 and a half!"

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!
[Thanks to Madeleine Foster [Qld] and Robert Doohan[Kalgoorlie] who both sent this in]

Crank up your sound and dance around the room

Rock and Roll will never die

John Fogerty...Bad Moon a rising