The weekend looms again
During the week according to the counters on the Right hand side we passed 1000 readers
since I installed those widgets..
Thank you for your support
How to provoke a Polar Bear......wear a seal hat to the underwater world
Drunken Polar Bear
"Next time I'll take the money and not the Bundee!!
I took a dip in the river, but the water's not very deep
What if the Beatles were Irish????
A truck driver, hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers,
spots a good place to stop for a beer.
As he approaches the bar, and sees a big sign on the door that says:
"NERDS NOT ALLOWED - ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!"
Thinking this is a bit strange, he enters and sits down.
The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, looks him over and says,
"You smell some kind of nerdy."
He then asks turck driver what he does for a living.
The truck driver explains to him that he drives a truck,
and the smell is just from the computers he is hauling.
The bartender serves him a beer and says,
"Ok, truck drivers aren't nerds."
As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in wearing a pair of glasses with tape
around the middle, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils,
and a belt that is at least a foot too long.
The bartender, without saying a word,
pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away.
The truck driver asks him "Why did you do that?!"
The bartender replied, "Don't worry.
The Nerds are in season because they are overpopulating this whole Silicon Valley.
And hey, You don't even need a license!"
So the truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck,
and heads for the freeway.
Suddenly, he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts.
The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the road.
He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, snatching up all of the computers.
The scavengers are comprised of engineers, accountants and programmers.
Each of them wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen.
He can't let them steal his whole load!
So, remembering what happened in the bar,
he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away.
Believing he is doing the right thing, the truck driver reloads his gun,
ready to tag some more nerds.
While preparing to shoot a bunch more of the little nerdy guys,
a highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out
of his car screaming at him, "STOP!!! STOP!!!"
"What's wrong officer?" asks the truck driver,
"I thought nerds were in season."
"Well, sure," says the patrolman,
"But the limit is one per day, And you can't BAIT EM!!"
It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake.
The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately.
The neighbours were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.
Tom wanted fruit salad for supper.
The recipe said serve without dressing.
So I didn't dress.
What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for supper
A good day for rice.
The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice.
It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway.
I can't say it improved the rice any.
Today Tom asked for salad again.
I tried a new recipe.
It said prepare ingredients; lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving.
Tom asked me why I was rolling around in the garden.
I found an easy recipe for cookies.
It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it.
There must have been something wrong with this recipe.
When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.
Tom did the shopping today and brought home a chicken.
He asked me to dress it for Sunday.
I don't have any clothes that fit it,
and for some reason Tom keeps counting to ten.
Tom's folks came to dinner.
I wanted to serve roast but all I had was hamburger.
Suddenly I had a flash of genius.
I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast.
It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.
GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY.
This has been a very exciting week!
I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Tom.
If I can talk Tom into buying a bigger oven,
I would like to surprise him with a chocolate moose.
The blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some bottom deodorant.
The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman
that they don't sell bottom deodorant, and never have.
Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the
stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more.
"I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."
"But I always get it here," says the blonde.
"Do you have the container it comes in?"
"Yes!" said the blonde, "I will go and get it."
She returns with the container and hands it to the chemist
who looks at it and says to her,
"This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."
The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container,
"To apply, push up bottom."
Two banned Lynx effect adverts
Stranger At The Window
Two guys left the bar after a long night of drinking,
The passenger screamed, "Look at he window.
The driver sped up, but the old man's face stayed in the window.
The old man softly replied, "You got any tobacco?"
The passenger handed the old man a cigarette and yelled,
A few minutes later they calmed down and started laughing again.
All of a sudden there was a light tapping on the window
"Do you have a light?" the old man quietly asked.
The passenger threw a lighter out the window saying, "Step on it!"
They were driving about 100 miles an hour,
"Oh my God! He's back!"
The old man gently replied,
Stone Age Computers
We’ll be gone for a week.
The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy
The following Weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good.
The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish?
He said, “Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish.
You’ll love the answer…
The wife replied, “I did. They’re in your fishing box
CARTOON OF THE WEEK
The man said, "No problem."
With that, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth.
The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said.
The man then said, "I have another pair... try these."
The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight."
The man was not taken back at all. He then said,
The speaker said, "They fit perfectly."
With that he ate his meal and gave his address.
"I want to thank you for coming to my aid.
The man replied,
The woolly mammoth of a sheep who waited three years to be shorn
Last updated at 22:26pm on 22nd October 2007
Perhaps his owner feared being fleeced with the price of a haircut these days.
But after three years without so much as a trim,
After a tip-off from neighbours in Melbourne,
Ms Brown said: "His wool was very heavy.
Domestic sheep were bred to grow wool continuously
"The weight of the wool was putting extra pressure on his joints and
There are three men in the bathroom, two Englishmen and an Australian.
Rare footage of a young Marty Robbins in 1959
Even rarer footage of Hank Williams senior
Hank Williams [Snr]............... Cold Cold Heart