73
Daylight saving commenced this morning in most Australian States with exceptions being Quensland and the Northern Territory
All the wowsers, do gooders , the faded curtains, children won't sleep and the cows can't be milked brigade now start their annual whinge, backed up by near sighted politicans and sections of the media
Personally ,I love it and really enjoy the evenings during the summer
cartoon by Jason Chatfield from Loconut .com.au
Do you remember that great colour TV advert that appeared on TV some months back
Well. here it is
And here is a spoof [parody] on that advert
[pinched from "Mad Baggage']
Homeless Teddy Bear
"Hey ,you sure this is how us Bears are mean't to fish"
One day Harry the Bald Eagle waited at the nest for his partner of 10 years, Mary.
He went looking and found her. She had been shot dead by a hunter.
Harry was devastated.
After about six minutes of mourning, he decided he needed to get himself a new playmate,
even if he had to cross the feather barrier.
Eventually he found a lovely Dove and brought her back to the nest.
The sex was okay, but all the Dove wanted to say was
"I'm a Dove, and I want to love; I'm a Dove, and I want to love."
This got on Harry's nerves, so he booted the Dove and went looking once again.
He found a very sexy Loon and brought her back to the nest.
Once again the sex was great, but all the Loon would say is
"I am a Loon, and I want to spoon. I am a Loon and I want to spoon."
Unnerved once again, Harry booted the Loon and went looking once again.
This time he found a Duck to bring back to the nest.
Again the sex was great, but all the Duck would say was.
...No, the Duck didn't say that.
What's wrong with you?
What the Duck said was,
"I am a Drake, and you made a big mistake!"
AGING............GETTING OLD
THE NICEST THINGS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.
2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
3. If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all.
4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark
to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate
how many people a company can operate without.
8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?
9. Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.
10. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.
11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.
12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM.
It could be a right number.
13. Think about this ... No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when his team is winning.
14. I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.
15. Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it.
16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket
17. Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of OLD LADIES
running around with misshapen tattoos?
(And RAP music will be the Golden Oldies!)
18. After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead.
A little old couple walked slowly into a McDonald’s one cold winter evening.
They looked out of place amid the young families
and young couples eating there that night.
Some of the customers looked admiringly at them.
Some of the customers looked admiringly at them.
You could tell what the admirers were thinking:
“Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together,
probably for 60 years or more!”
The little old man walked up to the cash register,
The little old man walked up to the cash register,
placed his order with no hesitation, and then paid for their meal.
The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off of the tray.
There was one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink.
The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half.
He placed one half in front of his wife.
Then he carefully counted out the French fries, divided them in two piles
The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off of the tray.
There was one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink.
The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half.
He placed one half in front of his wife.
Then he carefully counted out the French fries, divided them in two piles
and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.
He took a sip of the drink, and then his wife took a sip
He took a sip of the drink, and then his wife took a sip
as the man began to eat his few bites.
Again, you could tell what people around the old couple were saying. - ”
Again, you could tell what people around the old couple were saying. - ”
They were used to sharing everything .”
Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady still hadn’t eaten a thing.
She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally sipped some of the drink.
A young man came over and begged them to let him buy them another meal.
The lady explained that no, they were used to sharing.
As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin,
Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady still hadn’t eaten a thing.
She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally sipped some of the drink.
A young man came over and begged them to let him buy them another meal.
The lady explained that no, they were used to sharing.
As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin,
the young man could stand it no longer and asked again.
After being politely refused again, he finally asked the little old lady,
After being politely refused again, he finally asked the little old lady,
“Ma’am, why aren’t you eating. You said that you share everything.
What is it that you are waiting for?”
She answered
She answered
“THE TEETH”
[Thanks Josie Jamieson]
[Thanks Josie Jamieson]
A young man was hired by a supermarket and reported for his first day of work.
The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile,
then gave him a broom and said,
"Son, your first job will be to sweep out the store."
"But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realise that," said the manager.
"Son, your first job will be to sweep out the store."
"But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realise that," said the manager.
"Here, give me the broom -- I'll show you how."
A piece of cherry chewing gum, strawberry chewing gum
and blackcurrant chewing gum sit at a table in a bar.
A green piece of gum walks in and the cherry gum says
"Who's that?",
and the strawberry gum says
"Don't go near him, he's menthol!"
--------------
Today's Cartoons
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All of these are legitimate companies that didn't spend quite enough
time considering how their online names might appear ... and be misread.
These are not made up. Check them out yourself!
1. "Who Represents" is where you can find the name of the agent
1. "Who Represents" is where you can find the name of the agent
that represents any celebrity.
Their Web site is http://www.whorepresents.com/
2 . Experts Exchange is a knowledge base where programmers
2 . Experts Exchange is a knowledge base where programmers
can exchange advice and views at
http://www.powergenitalia.com/
6. And don't forget the Mole Station Native Nursery in New South Wales ,
http://www.molestationnursery.com/
7. If you're looking for IP computer software, there's always
http://www.ipanywhere.com/
8. The First Cumming Methodist Church Web site is
6. And don't forget the Mole Station Native Nursery in New South Wales ,
http://www.molestationnursery.com/
7. If you're looking for IP computer software, there's always
http://www.ipanywhere.com/
8. The First Cumming Methodist Church Web site is
http://www.cummingfirst.com/
9. And the designers at Speed of Art await you at their wacky Web site,
http://www.speedofart.com/
[Sent in by Fred Rea...thanks Fred]
ITALIAN PASTA DIET --
9. And the designers at Speed of Art await you at their wacky Web site,
http://www.speedofart.com/
[Sent in by Fred Rea...thanks Fred]
ITALIAN PASTA DIET --
IT REALLY WORKS !!
1.. You walka pasta da bakery.
2.. You walka pasta da candy store.
3.. You walka pasta da Ice Cream shop.
4... You walka pasta da table and fridge.
You will lose weight!
[pinched from Gordon Hamiltons club bulletin]
How many Mice does it take to screw in a light bulb????
1.. You walka pasta da bakery.
2.. You walka pasta da candy store.
3.. You walka pasta da Ice Cream shop.
4... You walka pasta da table and fridge.
You will lose weight!
[pinched from Gordon Hamiltons club bulletin]
How many Mice does it take to screw in a light bulb????
the hard part is getting them inside the light bulb
What do you call seagulls who live by the sea??????
What do you call seagulls who live by the sea??????
Bagels
Three women who were friends in high school have returned to their hometown
to attend their 45th reunion and have lunch together.
Their talk turns to their position in life, and there's a lot of one-upmanship going on.
The first woman says,
"My husband is taking me to the French Riviera for two weeks,"
and then looks at the others with a superior demeanour.
The second woman says, "Well, my husband just bought me a new Mercedes."
and looks about with considerable pride.
The third woman says, "Well, to be perfectly honest with you,
we don't have much money and we don't have any material possessions,
but 13 canaries can stand shoulder to shoulder on my husband's erect penis."
After a long silence, the first woman looks shame-faced and says,
"Girls, I ve got a confession to make. I was just trying to impress you.
We're not really going to the French Riviera,
we re going to my parent's house for two weeks."
Then the second woman says,
"Your honesty has shamed me. To be honest,
my husband didn't buy me a Mercedes, he bought me a Taurus."
"Well," the third woman says, "I also have a confession to make.
Canary number 13 has to stand on one leg."
[thanks Geoff Collins]
Cool Ads
[thanks Geoff Collins]
Cool Ads
Hear what you like at quick net
Its a small world
For the lovers of Irish Music
The Pogues and the Dubliners....Irish Rover
featuring lead singers Ronnie Drew and Shane McGowan
This is a pretty cool song by James Blunt
Here he is on Sesame street singing a parody
of his hit song You're Beautiful ............[My Triangle]
James Blunt....My Triangle
Mates
Click on pointer to veiw
[Thanks to Chris Bone for this]
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