Sunday, November 25, 2007

81
Its all over for another 4 years
An emphatic win for the Labor party
This is the last cartoon of me poking fun at John Howard

Its time to find a whole new lot of jokes and cartoons
about Kevin Rudd and his mob
Its open season
and him coming from Queensland will help [apologies Holtie]
My conscience is clear because I don't vote for the major parties
----
Enough of that lets get serious
Following are three dance videos that I came accross or they were sent to me
The first one is very inspiring and if you watch this and are not touched by it
Then I'm afraid we've lost you
Who ever coined the word Disability must have been a loser

This second dance video was sent to me by Fred Rea[thanks Fred] and is a group called the "Chooky Dancers" from Arnhem Land in the Northern Territory. This was filmed at the Raminging Festival 30th September 2007. Lionel, the fellow in the middle is hilarious and watch for some dance steps he pinched from Michael Jackson's "Thriller"

Zobra the Greek.......Yolngu style

The third dance clip is the

Best Wedding Dance ever


http://view.break.com/403233 - Watch more free videos



Pilots



The pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 revolver.
He placed it on top of the instrument panel, and then asked the navigator,
"Do you know what I use this for?"
The navigator replied timidly, "No, what's it for?"
The pilot responded, "I use this on navigators who get me lost!"
The navigator proceeded to pull out a .45 and place it on his chart table.
The pilot asked, "What's that for?"
"To be honest sir," the navigator replied,
"I'll know we're lost before you will."
--
One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower
to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed.
The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee.
Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said,
"What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"
The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by,
came back with a real zinger:
"I made it out of DC-8 parts.
Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."
--------


A million to one shot
Nature smiling at us

[thanks to Karon Langridge for this]

Who's sleeping in my bed??



Once upon a time, this guy named Fred decided that he was
rough and tough enough to seek his fortune in the Wild West.
(This was in the days when the Wild West meant Texas and Arizona,
with indians, outlaws, tornadoes and droughts
So, Fred found his way to a frontier town and became
the bartender at the wildest saloon in the territory.
He soon proved how rough and tough he was, and the owner of the bar was pleased
with how he broke up fights and didn't skim too much off the receipts.
He told Fred that he (Fred) was doing a fine job, but he should remember one thing:
"If you ever hear even a rumor that Mad Martin is coming to town,
just save what you can, put a bottle of Red Eye on the counter,
and head out of town as fast as you can."
Fred was pretty perplexed at this, and sought explanation.
He was told that Mad Martin was an old mountain man who lived up in the hills
and only came to town once or twice a year.
However, Martin was the most dangerous guy they'd ever heard of and
few had ever encountered him and lived to tell the tale.
Fred listened carefully and then promptly forgot all about it.
Until, one day a few months later, a cowboy came riding through town at full speed,
yelling, "Martin's coming! Head for the hills!"
The result was incredible.
Everybody in town immediately jumped on their horses and took off for the hills.
Except Fred. He wanted to see this guy because he didn't believe he could be all that tough.
So, Fred just put the bottle of Red Eye on the bar, hid behind the counter, and waited.
He didn't wait long.
Soon there was a noise in the street.
As Fred looked out a hole in the wall, he saw this huge,
mean-looking guy ride down the center of the street on the
biggest bull buffalo that Fred had ever seen.
The guy stopped the buffalo in front of the bar, jumped off the beast,
punched it in the head (dropping the critter to its knees) and bellowed,
"Wait here til I get back!"
The fellow turned and walked up the steps.
Fred saw that the guy had a pair of huge mountain lions on leashes.
He tied them both to a post and kicked them soundly, hollering,
"You pussycats stay here til I'm done!"
The cats fearfully sat down.
Into the bar stormed the fellow, ripping the doors off the wall as he passed.
With two strides he approached the bar, picked up the bottle of Red Eye,
bit off the neck, and downed it all in one gulp.
Poor Fred, thoroughly frightened by now, let out a little whimper.
The guy looked down over the bar and roared,
"What the heck do you think you're looking at!?"
Fred managed to say, "N..n..n..nothing, mister.
Do you want another bottle of Red Eye?"
To which the fellow replied,
"Heck no! I don't have time! I gotta get out of here --
Mad Martin's coming!"



Man breaks record for carrying full beer glasses
An Australian has beaten the Germans at their own boozy game,

smashing the world record for carrying stein glasses full of beer.
Bavarian-born restaurant manager Reinhard Wurtz,
who recently became an Australian citizen,
broke the record for carrying one-litre steins of beer,
when he carried 20 for 40 metres.
With each beer-filled stein weighing at least 2.5 kilograms,
Mr Wurtz carried 50 kilograms of beer and glass in the record-breaking effort.
The previous record of 16 steins was held by German barmaid Anita Schwartz.


Some cartoons involving Pets









Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never Been married.
She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister
noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it.
The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!
When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.
The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater,
but soon it got the better of him and He could no longer resist.
“Miss Beatrice”, he said, “I wonder if you would tell me about this?” pointing to the bowl.
“Oh, yes,” she replied, “Isn’t it wonderful?
I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease.
Do you know I haven’t had the flu all winter.”


Bob Hill and his wife Betty are vacationing in Europe.
On a rainy day they are driving through Transylvania when Bob loses control
of their rental car and wraps it around the trunk of a huge tree.
Bob is badly injured, but is conscious.
He checks Betty and sees that she`s unconscious and bleeding from the head.
Every bone in his body is aching, but Bob sees a light in the distance
so he scoops Betty into his arms, carries her through the rain
and ends up standing in front of a huge door.
Bob knocks.
A small, hunched man opens the door and Bob says,
"You`ve got to let me use your phone. We`ve been in an accident,
and my wife has been terribly injured."
"I`m sorry," says the hunchback,
"We don`t have a phone, but my master is a doctor; come in and I`ll get him!"
Soon an elegant looking man comes down a stairway and introduces himself.
"I am not a medical doctor," he says, "but a scientist.
It is many miles from here to the nearest doctor,
but I do have some basic medical training, and will be happy to help if I can."
"Please," Bob pleaded. "Save my wife`s life."
With that, Bob collapses to the floor beside his wife and despite the efforts
of the scientist and his assistant, both Bob and Betty die.
The scientist is shattered by his failure to help Bob and Betty
and sits down at his grand piano to console himself with music.
While his assistant prepares to move Bob and Betty`s bodies,
the scientist plays, and the power and beauty of his talent fills the house.
Suddenly, the assistant sees what looks like a small twitch of Betty`s hand
then he looks over at Bob and Bob`s eyelids are fluttering!
Now Betty`s feet are moving and both of her eyes are opening!
The assistant is beside himself with joy and runs to his master and says,
"Master! Master!
The Hills are alive with the sound of music!"

Who teaches these people??




Subject: : Eight Words with two Meanings


1. THINGY (thing-ee)
n.Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel)
adj. Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing cricket without a box.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon)
n. Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys
.4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment)
n. Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment)
n. Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens)
n. Female.... An embarrassing by product of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv)
n. Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.
8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl)
n. Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
[thanks to Geoff Collins for this]

SEAGULL......... Breaking the law



IF MY BODY WERE A CAR...
If my body were a car,
this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model.
I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull
... but that's not the worst of it.
My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close.
My traction is not as graceful as it once was.
I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.
My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.
It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.
My fuel rate burns inefficiently.
But here's the worst of it --
Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter.....
either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!
[thanks Frank Adinach from Kalgoorlie]



What happens when your Soccer mad!!!!




Global warming





Moni, a 17-year-old orangutan, carries her four-day-old baby
at Gembira Loka zoo in Yogyakarta, Indonesia, Thursday, Nov. 8, 2007.
Indonesia's tropical rain forests are disappearing 30 percent faster
than previously estimated as illegal loggers raid large national parks,
threatening the long-term survival of orangutans,
according to a U.N. report released this year.




Pinched this from Miss Cellania,,Thanks Miss C


WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument
and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
---

WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied,
"The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men..."
The husband then turned to his wife and asked,
"What?"
[Thanksto David Jamieson for those two]

Harlow was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge,
so hesent his wife Mary to the hardware store.
At the hardware store, Mary saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf while
she was waiting for Carl,the manager, to finish waiting on a customer.
When Carl was finished,Mary asked, "How much for the teapot?"
Carl replied, "That's silver andit costs $300!"
"My goodness, that sure is a lotta money!" Mary exclaimed. \
Then she proceeded to describe the hinge that Harlow had sent her to buy,
and Carl went to the back room to find it.
From the back room Carl yelled,
"Mary, you wanna screw for that hinge?"
Mary replied, "No, but I will for the teapot."
This is why you can't send a woman to a hardware store.

Todays music is a couple of 60's classics
Gerry and the Pacemakers
You'll never walk alone
The Searchers..... Love Potion no 9


Crank up your sound ,follow the words and singalong
You will feel better
Go on, no ones watching or listening
Knock three times.....Dawn
Karaoke version

















Quite a few sent this video in the past few days
so the best thing to do, is to post it for others to enjoy
Thanks to those who forwarded it to me
The Bee
video

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