Thursday, November 29, 2007

82

Yippee.. Tomorrow's Friday
Things have returned to normal this week after all the hoo-haa of the election
Just under a month to Xmas Day... yikes!!
Probably won't get a day off betwen now and then... but such is life
Watch these fun videos to put a smile on your dial

Wedding Day.......... Bloopers




Its over


A Scotsman is sitting in a bar in Cuba and is minding his business
when a man with a large black beard walks in.
The man goes to the bar and orders a shot of whisky.
The bartender serves him, the man drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door.
The bartender says, "Hey aren'tyou going to pay for that?"
The man says, "Excuse me, Castro's Army."
The bartender says, "Alright then" and the man leaves.
A few minutes later another man with a large black beard walks in.
The man goes to the bar and orders a shot of whisky. The bartender serves him,
the man drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door.
Thebartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?"
The man says,"Excuse me, Castro's Army."
The bartender says "Alright then" and the man leaves.
The Scotsman gets an idea and walks up to the bar and orders a shot of whisky.
He drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door.
The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?"
The Scotsman says, "Excuse me, Castro's Army."
The bartender says, "Hey where is your big black beard?"
The Scotsman thinks quickly. He lifts his Kilt and says,
"Secret Service!"

Todays cartoons







It was the first day of the school year and the shop teacher
was surprised to see a rather "princess-like" young lady
sitting in the front row of the classroom.
Her name was Judy and she was the only girl to sign up for the
woodworking shop class that term.
The shop teacher asked her if she was sure she was in the right class,
and Judy assured him that she was.
The teacher then said, "This course may be a bit outof your league.
Do you have any experience at all working with tools?"
"What exactly do you mean?" replied Judy.
"Well, what's the difference between a nail, a screw and a bolt?" theshop teacher asked.
Judy pondered the question for a moment, then replied,
"Well, I can't rightly say as I know,
'cause I ain't never been 'bolted'
------


This photo, released by the National Science Foundation,
shows the shear face of the B-15A iceberg.
Icebergs, also referred to as tall water, often appear as a layer of frosting on an ocean,
providing impetus to the theory that the planet earth was once a very large cake.





Both Ian Wright and Paul Grubb reckon they spent
the whole past week making their Xmas Trees
I find it uncanny that they both finished atthe same time
and each others tree is a replica of the other
The scary part is that one lives in Perth and one in Tasmania
and their lounge rooms are identical..Weird!!!!!



Fascinating Facts
Q. What occurs more often in December than any other month?
A. Conception.
Q. Only 14% of Aussies say they've done this with the opposite sex. What is it?
A. Skinny dipping.
Q. 80% of all Aussies live within 4 hours from what?
A. The Beach.
Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
A. Obsession
Q. More women do this in the bathroom than men.
A. Wash their hands. Women: 80%, men: 55%.
Q. What do 100% of all lottery winners do?
A. Gain weight.
Q. In a recent survey, Aussies revealed that this was their favourite smell.
A. Banana.
Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?
A. One thousand.
Q. What do bullet-proof vests, fire escapes, windscreen wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
A. All invented by women.
Q. Married men revealed that they do this twice as often as single men.
A. Change their underwear.
Q. This stimulates 29 muscles and chemicals causing relaxation. Women seem to like it light and frequent, men like it more strenuous.
A. A kiss.
Q. This is the only food that doesn't spoil.
A. Honey.
Q. 40% of all people who come to a party in your home do this?
A. Have a look in your medicine cabinet.
Q. 3.9% of all women surveyed say they never do this.
A. Wear underwear.
Q. What common everyday occurrence is composed of 59% nitrogen, 21% hydrogen, and 9% carbon dioxide?
A. A fart.


A genius at work [thanks Chris Bone for this]




While I was working in the men's section of a department store,
a woman asked me to help her choose a white dress shirt for her husband.
When Iasked about his size, the woman looked stumped at first.
Then her face brightened.
She held up her hands, forming a circle with her forefingers and thumbs.
"I don't know his size,"she said,
"but my hands fit perfectly around his neck."


CARTOON OF THE WEEK


Irishman walks into a builder's merchant.
"Can I have 25,000 house bricks and two square feet of steel mesh?"
Assistant. "What do you want all those bricks for?"
Irishman. "I'm building a barbecue"
.Assistant. "You don't need all those bricks to build a barbecue".
Irishman. "I do, I live on the 18th floor"
---

Mick gets a job in an undertakers, but he says he's never seen a dead body before.
His boss says, "That’s OK I'll take you around and show you some."
The first body is a man with a smile on his face.
The boss says, "He got 6 numbers on the lottery and had a heart attack,
that’s why he has a smile on his face!"
The second body is also a man with a smile on his face.
The boss says, "He was on his honeymoon on the job and had a stroke,
that’s why he has a smile on his face!"
The third body is also a man with a smile on his face.
The boss says, "This is Paddy, he was struck by lightning,"
The apprentice interrupts,
"Why is he smiling?"
The boss replied, "He thought he was getting his photo taken"


An American tourist in London found himself needing to take a leak something terrible.
After a long search he just couldn't find any public bathroom to relieve himself.
So he went down one of the side streets to take care of business.
Just as he was unzipping, a London police officer showed up.
"Look here, old chap, what are you doing?" the officer asked.
"I'm sorry," the American replied, but I really gotta take a leak."
"You can't do that here," the officer told him.
"Look, follow me."
The police officer led him to a beautiful garden with lots of grass, pretty flowers,
and manicured hedges.
"Here," said the policeman, "whiz away."
The American tourist shrugged, turned, unzipped, and started pissing on the flowers.
"Ahhh," he said in relief.
Finished, he turned back toward the officer and said,
"This is very nice of you. Is this British courtesy?"
"No," retorted the policeman. "It's the French Embassy."

Stop playing with your food


Leopard
What happened to the leopard who took a bath three times a day?
After a week he was spotless
--------
Came accross this on a Canadian site and thought it was prety funny
Three Things to Ponder...
1. Cows
2. The Constitution
3. The Ten Commandments
Cows -
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government
can track a single cow born in Canada almost three years ago,
right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington?
And they track her calves to their stalls.
But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country.
Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
The Constitution -
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq.
Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys,
it has worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.
The Ten Commandments -
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this:
You cannot post
"Thou Shalt Not Steal,"
"Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery", and
"Thou Shalt Not Lie"
in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians.
It creates a hostile work environment
That's all. I don't like to ponder too long. It makes me nervous.


Rack off and get your own


Re united





This bloke stormed into the post office in a fury.
"I've been getting threatening letters in the mail for months
and I want them stopped."
"Of course," said the postmaster.
"Sending threatening letters through the mail is a federal offense.
Do you know who's sending them?"
"Yes," shouted the man.
"It's those idiots down at the Australian Taxation Office
-----------
Todays music video's is a bit of a mixed Bag

The Big O Roy Orbison...Running Scared

Racey ...... Some Girls Do
Renee and Renata [1982] ..... Save your love for me






[Thanks to Josie Jamieson]





A collection of Boat Bloopers
Thanks to Fred Rea

video

No comments: