Sunday, January 20, 2008

G'day to you all
Only 6 days until Australia Day [next Saturday]
Blog number 98 will be a special Aussie edition

Lets have some Diving instructions

Very FUN! 001 - video powered by Metacafe

Artist dumps 500,000 balls in Rome
The historic centre of Rome has been brought to a standstill
by a protest with a difference.
Visitors to the Spanish Steps yesterday were greeted by a rather peculiar sight.

For most of the morning street cleaners and smartly uniformed policemen
were chasing little brightly coloured balls, armed with dustpans and brushes.
To everyone's amazement half a million of these balls
were suddenly bouncing down the steps.
Within minutes, the famed Piazza de Spagna resembled a children's playground.

It was another colourful stand from Graziano Cecchini,
a man who protests against government incompetence
in the most unusual ways.
Last year he poured a dye into the Trevi Fountain, turning it red.
This latest stunt cost him £15,000 (20,000 euros) - and probably a rather large fine.
When Mr Cecchini finally appeared, walking down the steps with balls bouncing around him, he said he had done it to raise the profile of Burma and the Karen people.
The Karen are a minority who have fought for an independent state since 1949,
and accuse the military junta of ethnic cleansing.
[taken from "Nothing to do withArboroath"]

A retirement home decided to hold a Singles Dance,
at which this very sweet 90-year-old gentleman met a very sweet 90-year-old lady,
and they danced and talked and laughed, and just hit it off great.
They continued to see each other for a while and enjoyed each other so much,

and danced so well together, etc., that they decided to get married.
On their wedding night, they went to bed

and he reached over and took her hand and squeezed it,
and she squeezed his hand back, and they went to sleep.
On the second night, when they went to bed,

he reached over and squeezed her hand,
and she squeezed his hand back, and they went to sleep.
On the third night, he reached over and took her hand,

and she said,
"Not tonight, honey, I have a headache."

Doctor Cartoons

A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill.
"Mommy," she said. "Can we leave now?"
"No," her mother replied.
"Well, I think I have to throw up!"
"Then go out the front door and to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush."
In about two minutes the little girl returned to her seat.
"Did you throw up?" her mother asked.
"Yes," the little girl replied.
"Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church
and return so quickly?"
"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy." the little girl replied.
"They have a box next to the front door that says, 'For the sick'."

Zimbabwe issues a $10 million dollar note

With inflation running officially at 25,000 per cent
(although that could be as high as 150,000 percent),
Zimbabwe has just issued a $10 million note.
The new note is the equivalent of about $4 at the dominant black market exchange rate.
In an effort to end chronic cash shortages and long, chaotic lines
at banks and automated teller machines,
the bank will issue the new notes on Friday along
with 1-million and 5-million dollar bills.
The highest existing note, introduced last month, is 750,000 Zimbabwe dollars

At a recent conference of science and mathematics,
a physicist, a mathematician, an engineer, and a statistician
were all staying on the same floor of their hotel.
The engineer woke up in the middle of the night to find his trash can had started on fire.
He jumped out of bed, quickly filled his ice bucket with water,
extinguished the flames, and went back to sleep.
A little later, the physicist woke up and also discovered his trash can to be ablaze.
He paused for a moment, pulled out his slide rule,
and made a few quick calculations.
He filled up his ice bucket with exactly 1/2 liter of water and used it to extinguish the fire,
and then went back to sleep.
Shortly after, the mathematician was awoken and his trash can was also on fire.
He grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and frantically scribbled
out pages and pages of equations.
When he found the solution he went to bed,
comfortable just knowing that the solution existed.
And the statistician?
He was found running around lighting other people's trash cans on fire
because he needed a bigger sample size.

Traffic Jam.....who will make the first move??

Two California Highway Patrol Officers were conducting speeding enforcement on I-15,
North of MCAS Miramar.
One of the officerswas using a hand held radar device to check
speeding vehicles approaching near the crest of a hill.
The officers were suddenly surprised when the radar gun began reading 300 miles per hour. The officer attempted to reset the Radar gun,
but it would not reset and turned off.
Just then a deafening roar over the treetops revealed that the radar
had in fact locked onto a USMC F/A-18 Hornet which was engaged
in a low flying exercise near the location.
Back at the CHP Headquarters the Patrol Captain fired off acomplaint
to the USMC Base Commander.
Back came a reply in true USMC style:
Thank you for the message, which allows us to complete the file on this incident.
You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Hornet
had detected the presence of, and subsequently locked onto your
hostile radar equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to it.
Furthermore, an air to ground missile aboard the fully armed aircraft
had also automatically locked onto your equipment.
Fortunately the Marine Pilot flying the Hornet recognized thesituation for what it was,
quickly responded to the missile system alert status
and was able to override the automated defense system before the missile
was launched and your hostile radar was destroyed.
Thank you for your concerns.

Look familiar??

A blind rabbit and a blind snake literally bumped into each other in the forest.
Being blind, both had been abandoned by their parents.
"I'm so sorry," said the rabbit,
"I've been blind since birth, so I can't see where I'm going.
In fact, I don't even know what I am."
"It's quite ok," the snake replied.
"In fact, I've also been blind since birth and don't know what I am.
Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and work out what you are,
so at least you'll have that going for you."
"That would be wonderful" replied the bunny.
So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and he said,
"Well, you're covered with soft fur, you have really long ears,
and you have a soft cottony tail. You must be a rabbit."
"Oh, thank you! Thank you," cried the bunny, in obvious excitement.
The bunny then suggested,
"Maybe I could feel you with my paw so I can tell you what you are."
So the bunny felt the snake all over, and he said,
"Well, you're smooth and slippery, and you have a forked tongue,
no backbone and no balls.
You must be French."

Road Rage!!!!!

With apologies to my good friends in TN
When I read this I found it very funny

You know you’re from Tennessee if:
1. You measure distance in minutes.
2. You’ve ever had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day.
3. You use “fix” as a verb. Example: “I’m fixing to go to the store
4. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit,vegetable,grain, insect or animal.
5. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
6. You know what a “VOL” is.
7. You carry jumper cables in your car…for your OWN car.
11. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday
12. You find 100 degrees fahrenheit “a little warm”.
13. You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still SummerandChristmas.
14. You know whether another Tennessean is from east, west or middleTennessee as soon as they open their mouth.
15. Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as”goin’ Wal-martin” or off to “Wally World”.
16. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good pinto-beanweather.
17. A carbonated soft drink isn’t a soda, cola or pop…it’s a Coke,regardless of brand or flavor. Example: “What kinda coke you want?”
18. Fried catfish is the other white meat.
19. You understand these jokes and forward them to your friends fromTennessee (and those who just wish they were).

Here is a link to a game called 1-33
When it loads you have to click on the numbers 1 to 33 as fast as you can
After several attempts I got down to 72.3 seconds
This is still pretty slow and you should be able to beat that quite easily

A maiden was renowned throughout the kingdom for her beauty.
One day, the queen learned of her.
Being envious, she threw the maiden into the dungeon.
And the queen made her wear an ugly, ugly dress.
Every day, she saw knights riding past.
She called for help, but they were repulsed by the dress.
Eventually, she realized
no knight would rescue a
damsel in this dress.

The Energizer Bunny has been arrested and charged with battery.
A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
Practice safe eating -- always use condiments.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
Divorce is the mourning after the knot before.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
Without geometry, life is pointless.
When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Dijon vu -- the same mustard as before.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
What's the definition of a will? (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!)
A backwards poet writes inverse.
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism, your count votes.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Even a calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted. It t'aint yours and it t'aint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
Those who jump off Paris bridge are in Seine.
When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of de feat

Major security breach

If you have a debit card or an ATM card
you might want to change your PIN number.
I don’t know how they did it,
but someone found everyones PIN number
and listed it here.
Mine is there… and so is yours.


This salesman has been bugging a haberdasher (bloke who runs a suit shop)
for a long time for a job,
and finally the haberdasher looks at him in disgust and says,
"Look, I'll make a deal with you.
I've got one suit that I just haven't been able to sell
-- that purple, yellow, and green thing in the corner.
If you can sell it while I'm out to lunch; you can have a sales job here for life!"
And with a smug smile he goes to lunch.
He comes back and the salesman runs up to him, exclaiming:
"I sold the suit! I sold the suit!"
The owner looks at him in dismay --
the salesman's clothes are ripped and torn all to hell,
his face is scratched and bruised and bleeding.
The owner says, "What happened; did the customer put up a fight!?"
The salesman quickly replies,
"Oh, no; not at all -- but his seeing eye dog was annoyed"

And I think to myself
What a Wonderful World

Here is some music for you
A tribute to Vincent Van Gogh
Don McLean..........Vincent

Don McLean will be playing in Perth in March

Ithink Ihave posted this before
It is one of my favourites
Peters and Lee............Welcome Home

Peters died of cancer in 1992

Am a big fan of big band music
This goes back quite a way
But its great
Bert Kaempfert..............Happy Feeling


Photographic Memory said...

It is possible to develop a photographic memory with a lot of hard work and perseverance. You can check out, they have all the information that you will need about photographic memory. It definitely helped me, and I can see an improvement in my memory already.

Tracy said...

My blood type is B-positive ... does that mean I'm an optimist?

You know you're from Wisconsin when ...

Love the jokes :)