Sunday, April 6, 2008

A couple of people asked me what the above flag is
It is the State of Western Austrlia flag, with our Black swan
We had more welcome rain on Saturday 70 mm [almost 3 inches]

Perth, Western Australia. a naturally beautiful city,
with over 100kms of white sandy beaches,
the large expanses of the swan river,
suburban lakes and wetlands,
huge metropolitan bushland parks including the magnificent King's Park,
State forests in the Darling Ranges 45mins from the city centre
and heaps of 'year round' sunshine.
Perth is where I live.
Have a look and judge for yourself.


Aussie comedian Tom Gleeson taking the Mickey
out of singer James Blunt

A woman of 40 wants to get married,
but she is willing to marry a man only if he is still a virgin.
After several unsuccessful years of searching,

she decides to take out a personal ad.
She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in the Australian outback.
Naturally, since we need to build up to a punchline here,

they end up getting married.
On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to prepare for the festivities.
When she returns to the bedroom,

she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room,
naked and all the furniture from the room piled in one corner.
"What happened?" she asks.
"I've never been with a woman," he says.

"But if it's anything like a kangaroo,
I'm gonna need all the room I can get."

Burning Hole

Beautiful and creepy,
this huge hole in the ground situated in Darvaz, Uzbekistan
was once the site of a gas drilling site where 35 years ago,
geologists discovered a massive cavern filled with an unknown gas.
It was claimed that since there was a danger of poisonous gases in the cavern,
the drilling company decided to ignite the gases
before proceeding with the drilling.
The hole has been burning ever since.
[link: English Russia]


Homeless Elephant

The police received a call from the convent about a strange object flying overhead.
When the officer arrived, he spoke with the Mother Superior.
“What kind of object was it,” he asked.
“I don’t know,” she replied.
“But would you like me to ask Sister Theresa?
She knows exactly what it was.”
“That’s OK,” said the officer.
“I’ll just list it as ...
... a nun-identified flying object.”

The Beer Song

Harsh Things To Say To A Naked Man
Author Unknown
I've smoked fatter joints than that.
Ahhhh, it's cute.
Why don't we just cuddle?
You know they have surgery to fix that.
Make it dance.
Can I paint a smiley face on it?
Wow, and your feet are so big.
It's OK, we'll work around it.
Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
Oh no... a flash headache.
(giggle and point)
Can I be honest with you?
How sweet, you brought incense.
This explains your car.
Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
Why is God punishing me?
At least this won't take long.
I never saw one like that before.
But it still works, right?
It looks so unused.
Maybe it looks better in natural light.
Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
Are you cold?
If you get me real drunk first.
Is that an optical illusion?
What is that?
It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
Does it come with an air pump?
So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
I guess this makes me the 'early bird
Beijing Olympics

Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway.
But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate.
The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens
were being run over at a rate of three to six a day.
So one day Farmer John called the sheriff's office and said,
"You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast
and killing all of my chickens."
"What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff.
"I don't care, just do something about those crazy drivers!"
So the next day he had the county workers go out
and erected a sign that said:
Three days later Farmer John called the sheriff and said,
"You've got to do something about these drivers.
The 'school crossing' sign seems to make them go even faster."
So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign:
That really sped them up.
So Farmer John called and called and called every day for three weeks.
Finally, he asked the sheriff,
"Your signs are doing no good. Can I put up my own sign?"
The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign."
He was going to let the Farmer John do just about anything in order
to get him to stop calling everyday to complain.
The sheriff got no more calls from Farmer John.
Three weeks later, curiosity got the best of the sheriff
and he decided to give Farmer John a call.
"How's the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?"
"Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I've got to go. I'm very busy."
He hung up the phone.
The sheriff was really curious now and he thought to himself,
"I'd better go out there and take a look at that sign...
it might be something that WE could use to slow down drivers..."
So the sheriff drove out to Farmer John's house,
and his jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign.
It was spray-painted on a sheet of wood:


A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street
with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter.
A cop pulled up and said,
"I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."
Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"
"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper.
"Let's go."
Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said,
"Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."

Two great songs from the Bellamy Brothers
If I said you had a beautiful body

Bellamy Brothers tribute song
Elvis Presley, Marilyn Monroe and James Dean

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