Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Its been a fairly mundane week so far.
Nothing much exciting to report
Haven't heard from any Dockers fans
They managed to beat the Eagles [again]
in the Western Derby [Aussie Rules] last weekend

Here is a video of Lorrie Morgan and Sammy Kershaw with their hit song

He drinks Tequila and she talks dirty in Spanish

posted for Stevie [V1] in Kalgoorlie

The Snow White Ad
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs are roaming in the forest when they come across a lake.

The water was enticing and Snow White decides to take a bath.
So she tells the Dwarfs to turn around while she is taking a bath in the lake.
The Dwarfs protest vehemently because they want to take a bath too.
Snow White relents and says "When I get into the water and you hear the splash,
you can turn around."
Snow White undresses and as she is about to jump into water,

at that very moment,
she is startled by a frog who jumps into water before she can.
The moment the Dwarfs hear the SPLASH,
they turn around and see Snow White standing NAKED.
Now, given that this incident is an idea for a TV ad,
what product is being advertised?
Come on now,
this should be easy for a person of your mental powers!
The product being advertised is.

[pinched from Miss Cellania]


Granma nursery

You know you're from California if:
1. Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.
2. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house.
3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.
4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Flower.
5. You can't remember . is pot illegal?
6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.
7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.
8. You can't remember . . is pot illegal?
9. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.
10. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.
11. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney.
12. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.
13. You can't remember . is pot illegal?
14. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: 'STORM WATCH.'
15. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cells or pagers.
16. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.
17. HEY!!!! Is pot illegal????
18. Both you AND your dog have therapists, psychics, personal trainers and cosmetic surgeons. 19. The Terminator is your governor.
20. If you drive illegally, they take your driver's license. If you're here illegally, they want to give you one.

Isolated Houses

Midsummer on the Lofoten ..islands of the coast of Norway

Farm stead on Volcanic island off the south coast of Iceland

This could almost be true
A biker was riding by the zoo when he saw a little girl leaning into the lion's cage.
Suddenly the lion grabbed her by the cuff of her jacket
and tried to pull her inside to slaughter her under the very eyes of her screaming parents.
The biker jumped off his Harley, ran to the cage,
and hit the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.
Whimpering from the pain, the lion jumped back and let go of the girl.
The biker then took her to her terrified parents,
who thanked him profusely.
A reporter saw the whole scene, and addressing the biker, said,
"Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I've ever seen a man do in my whole life."
"Why, it was nothing, really," said the biker.
"The lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right."
"I noticed a patch on your jacket," said the journalist.
"Yeah, I ride with an Israeli motorcycle club," the biker replied.
"Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed.
I'm a journalist with the New York Times,
you know, and tomorrow's papers will have this on the front page."
The following morning the biker bought the paper to see if it indeed
had brought out the news of his actions.
On the front page was the headline:

Why its always best to be the Boss

Classy things to say when stressed
2. "You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing?!"
3. "How many times do I have to flush before you go away?"
4. "This day sure was a total waste of make-up"
5. "Well, aren't we a bloody ray of sunshine?"
6. "Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after."
8. "This isn't an office. It's HELL with fluorescent lighting"
9. "I started out with nothing still have most of it left"
10. "I pretend to work, they pretend to pay me"
11. "Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed"
12. "Do they ever shut up on your planet?"
13. "I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable"
14. "Don't worry. I forgot your name too."
15. "I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?"
16. "Not all men are annoying. Some are dead."
17. "Wait...I'm trying to imagine you with a personality"
18. "Ambivalent? Well yes and no."
19. "You look like shit. Is that the style now?"
20. "A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth."
21. "If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport

More signs of the times

There are several of these around this neighbourhood

One day, the wife comes home with a spectacular diamond ring.
“Where did you get that ring?” her husband asks.
“Well,” she replies, “My boss and I played the lotto and we won,
so bought it with my share of the winnings.”
A week later, his wife comes home with a long shiny fur coat.
“Where did you get that coat?” her husband asks.
She replies “My boss and I played the lotto and we won again,
so I bought it with my share of the innings.”
Another week later, his wife comes home, driving a flaming red Ferrari.
“How could you afford that car?” her husband asks.
You guessed it, Her share of the lotto winnings!
That night, the wife asks her husband to run her a nice warm bath
while she gets undressed.
When she enters the bathroom,
she finds that there is barely enough water in the bath to cover the plug.
“What’s this?” she asks her husband.
“Well,” he replies,
“we don’t want to get your lotto ticket wet, do we?!”

Great Wedding photo's .................

Pilot Philosophy

The difference between a duck and a co-pilot? The duck can fly.

A check ride ought to be like a skirt--short enough to be interesting, but long enough to cover everything.

Speed is life. Altitude is life insurance.

It only takes two things to fly: airspeed, and money.

The three most dangerous things in aviation:
1. A Doctor or Dentist in a Cessna. (Worse, in a LearJet)
2. Two captains in a DC-9.
3. A flight attendant with a chipped tooth.

Aircraft Identification:
If it's ugly, it's British.
If it's weird, it's French.
If it's ugly and weird, it's Russian.

Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another very expensive flying club.

The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. A night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities to experience all three at the same time (Go NAVY!!!).

The similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies.
If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.

It's better to break ground and head into the wind than to break wind and head into the ground.

The difference between flight attendants and jet engines is that the engines usually quit whining when they get to the gate.

New FAA motto: 'We're not happy, till you're not happy."

If something hasn't broken on your helicopter--it's about to.

I give that landing a 9 . . on the Richter scale.

Basic Flying Rules:
1. Try to stay in the middle of the air.
2. Do not go near the edges of it.
3. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly in the edges.

Unknown landing signal officer to carrier pilot after his 6th unsuccessful landing attempt: 'You've got to land here son. This is where the food is

A couple of popular hits from the past
Is this the way to Amarillo........Tony Christie
Living next door to Alice....Smokie


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