Sunday, May 11, 2008


Mothers Day 2008

Funny Lifeguard

Thanks Bunk @Tacky Raccoons

A woman was driving through the countryside late at night when her car broke down.
Not knowing anything about cars, she started to walk.
A mile down the road, she came to an old country farmhouse
and knocked on the door until two young men came out.
"Kin we help ya, miss?"
"Yes, my car broke down about mile back.
I wonder if you could drive me to the nearest town so I can get a tow truck?"
"Well, now, the town's all shut up right now and don't open back up until tomorrow mornin'.
But ah'll tell ya what, miss, mah brother here an ah'll tow yer car over to the farmhouse
and you kin spend the night here with us."
The woman thought, "Well, I really don't have a choice. Besides, I can handle myself,"
so she agreed.
After the two brothers towed her car back to the farmhouse,
and they were getting ready for bed, the first one said,
"Yah know, miss, we only got one bed in this here house,
so ah'm afraid ya'll have ta sleep with us."
The woman thought about it, and consented.
As they were taking their clothes off, the woman said,
"By the way, you DO have protection, don't you?"
"Protection? What's that?"
"You know, condoms."
"Well, what're they for?"
"It's so I don't get pregnant."
"We're simple country folk, miss. Ah'm afraid we don't know about those things."
"Well, it just so happens that I have two here in my purse. Here, put them on."
"Hmm... well, all right."
The three of them got into bed and did their thing all night.
The next morning, the brothers drove the woman into town,
where she got her car repaired and drove off.
About a month later, the two brothers were sitting out on their porch watching the sun set,
when the first one said,
"Hey, d'ya remember that lady that drove through here about a month ago?"
"Yep. She was real good, wasn't she."
"Yep. Say, do you care if she gets pregnant?"
"Well, then, let's take these durn things off!"

Double Suicide

stolen from Bits and Pieces

Here is a link to some stunning photos on National geographic
National Geographic Channel strikes again [Pics]

Todays Cartoons...Animals

Sheri, the pert and pretty nurse took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist
in the hospital where she worked.
"Doctor, you must help me", she pleaded.
"It's gotten so that every time I date one of the young doctors here, I end up sleeping with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week."
"I see", nodded the psychiatrist.
"And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter".
"No!" exclaimed the nurse.
"I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward!


Video Dedication
Todays video isdedicated to all lovers of Do Wop music
If you are as old as I am then cast your mind back to 1959
[you don't have to be old to enjoy this]

The Fleetwoods......Come softly to me

Neat way to Harvest

A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.
The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions.
He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks,
"What's your occupation?"
"I'm a Lady of the night," she says.
The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says,
"Let's try to rephrase that.
"The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end call girl".
"No, that still won't work. Try again."
They both think for a minute; then the woman says,
"I'm an elite chicken farmer."
The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?"
"Well, I raised a thousand little peckers last year."
The accountant says, "Chicken Farmer it is!"

Right Song...Wrong Words

Have you ever seen Lorraine

stolen from Shelleys Snippets

My Mummys a Teddy Bear

A new born monkey abandonded by its mother at a London Zoo,
was given a Teddy Bear
Cowchita is the second white naped Mangabey born in the UK


The Cleveland Symphony was performing Beethoven's Ninth.
In the piece, there's a long passage - about 20 minutes -
during which the bass violinists have nothing to do.
Rather than sit around that whole time looking stupid,
some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick one.
After slamming several beers in quick succession (as bass violinists are prone to do)
one of them looked at his watch.
"Hey! We need to get back!"
"No need to panic," said a fellow bassist.

"I thought we might need some extra time,
so I tied the last few pages of the conductor's score together with string.
It'll take him a few minutes to get it untangled."
A few moments later, they staggered back to the concert hall

and took their places in the orchestra.
About this time, a member of the audience noticed the conductor seemed a bit edgy
and said as much to her companion.
"Well, of course," said her companion.

"Don't you see?
It's the bottom of the Ninth,
the score is tied,
and the bassists are loaded."


Windows House

Stung by a Bee
A woman runs into the golf course pro shop and screams,

"I was just stung by a bee!"
The golf pro asks, "Where?"
Still screaming, the woman replies,
"Between the first and second hole."
The pro scratches his head for a moment and replies,
"It sounds like your stance is too wide."
stolen from Miss Cellania

Crank up your volume and enjoy
The Air that I breathe......The Hollies


Bunk said...

The kicker for the Lifeguard video is when he "shakes it off."

"I Wanna Gnu" is a classic. "There be Long Caesar Reign" is how I heard it.

AmyOops said...

Phil got your msg, Ues feel free to use the post, just credit cooked brains, that where i got them from