Wednesday, July 16, 2008

I'm a Snap Dragon

Coke wins this round with a great video
The Pope is in Australia this week
So here is a Pope joke
The Pope Arrives in Heaven............
The Pope arrives in heaven, where St. Peter awaits him.
St. Peter asks who he is.
The Pope: 'I am the pope.'
St. Peter: 'Who? There's no such name in my book.'
The Pope: 'I'm the representative of God on Earth.'
St.Peter: 'Does God have a representative? He didn't tell me ...'
The Pope: 'But I am the leader of the Catholic Church ...'
St. Peter: 'The Catholic church ... Never heard of it ... Wait, I'll check with the boss.'
St. Peter walks away through Heaven's Gate to talk with God.
St. Peter: 'There's a dude standing outside who claims he's your representative on earth.'
God: 'I don't have a representative on earth, not that I know of ...
Wait, I'll ask Jesus.' (yells for Jesus)
Jesus: 'Yes father, what's up?'
God and St. Peter explain the situation.
Jesus: 'Wait, I'll go outside and have a little chat with that fellow.'
Ten minutes pass and Jesus re-enters the room laughing out loud.
After a few minutes St. Peter asks Jesus why he's laughing.
Jesus: 'Remember that fishing club I've started 2000 years ago?
It still exists!'

stolen from Big Shot Bob in Texas

Microsoft Use

Where did I put the soap??

Are you scared of heights???

This little old lady calls 911.
When the operator answers she yells,
"Help, send the police to my house right away!
There's a damn Democrat on my front porch and he's playing with himself."
"What?" the operator exclaimed.
"I said there is a damn Democrat on my front porch playing with himself and he's weird;
I don't know him and I'm afraid! Please send the police!" the little old lady repeated.
"Well, now, how do you know he's a Democrat?"
"Because, you damn fool, if it was a Republican,
he'd be screwing somebody!"

Can't find the key??

Here it is!!!

Blue Bayou
Roy Orbison

Linda Ronstadt


Three Bulgarians -
Hristo, Vladko and Gyorgi -
were discussing the first thing they would do if they were ever freed of the communist yoke. Gyorgi said he would run to the border and kiss the ground – the earth of freedom.
Vladko said he would run and run and wouldn’t stop until he reached Paris.
Then he would kiss the stones on the Champs Elysees.
Hristo sat silent. Thoughtful.
Finally he was prodded…
Hey Hristo, what would you do?
Hristo answered.
I would climb the nearest tree.
Why would you do such a silly thing said Vladko.
To which Hristo replied.
It is the only way to avoid getting trampled to death.

I wonder what's inside???

No, its not the chimp Tiger Woods
Its the club professional at the Gosnells Golf Club

A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden.
He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was.
Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature
through such innocent eyes.
Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground.
He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention.
He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.
"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.
"They're mating," her father replied.
"What do you call the spider on top?" she asked.
"That's a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered.
"So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.
As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question
He replied, "No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs."
The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment,
then took her foot and stomped them flat.
"Well, we're not having any of that gay shit in our garden" she said.


This one is at Brisbane airport, so I'm told

Husband asks ,
“Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
?“Without Information Fighting Everytime”
Wife replies
,” No, It means
,“With Idiot For Ever !!!”

stolen from Florida 5708

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