Sunday, July 27, 2008


Wet and Windy and miserable in Perth today

That reminds me

A young fellow at the state fair stood watching an old Indian.
Above the old Indian was a sign that read,
-$5.00 -
If I can't tell you where you're from, I'll pay you $50.00!"
The young man watched a cowboy approach the Indian and ask,
"Is the sign right?"
The Indian says, "Yes."
The cowboy hands him a five and says, "You're on!"
The Indian looks the cowboy up and down, noticing some cow dung on his boots
and flatly states, "you're from Wyoming."
The cowboy shakes his head and says, "I'll be darned! You're right!" and strolls away.
A second cowboy approaches the Indian and goes through the same routine.
Handing him the fiver, he stands and watches as the Indian looks him up
and down and notices a bit of straw and cow dung on his boots.
The Indian says, "you're from Montana!"
The cowboy, dejected as all get out, walks away.
The young man decides he's going to give the Indian a run for the money.
He goes into the men's room, takes his boots off, scrubs them up,
dries them off, puts on a coat of polish and approaches the Indian.
He hands the Indian a five dollar bill and says, "do your stuff!"
The Indian looks and looks, up and down, and appears to be befuddled.
The young man is now thinking he's gone one up on the Indian.
The Indian says, "You're from New Zealand!"
The young man gets really upset and can't for the life of him figure out
how the Indian could know that, so he asks,
"How in the world did you know I'm from New Zealand?"
The Indian replies,
"By the wool in your zipper."


He came, He saw, He logged out

Some Funny TV Bloopers

Finally, a definition of Marketing that makes sense….
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say,

“I’m fantastic in bed.” That’s Direct Marketing.
You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.

One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says,
“He’s fantastic in bed.” That’s Advertising.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number.

The next day you call and say,
“Hi, I’m fantastic in bed.” That’s Telemarketing.
You’re at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie,

you walk up to her and pour her a drink.
You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say,
“By the way, I’m fantastic in bed.” That’s Public Relations.
You’re at a party and see a gorgeous girl.

She walks up to you and says,
I hear you’re fantastic in bed.” That’s Brand Recognition.


Chinese Wedding Night
A young Chinese couple gets married.
She's a virgin.
Truth be told, he is a virgin too,
but she doesn't know that.
On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets

as her husband undresses in the darkness.
He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring. 'My darring,' he whispers,

'I know dis you firss time and you berry flighten.
I promise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting - juss anyting you want.
You juss ask. Whatc hu want?' he says,
trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her.
A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request.
She eventually shyly whispers back,

'I want to try someting I have hear about from odda girls...
Numbaa 69.'
More thoughtful silence, this time from him.
Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her....
'You want.........Garlic Chicken wif snow peas?'

No Overtaking.........OK

Rockin all over the World

Status Quo

John Fogerty

Great truths about life that I have learned

1. Raising teenagers is like nailing JELLO to a tree.
2. There is always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don’t hurt.
3. One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
4. The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere and let the air out of their tires.
5. Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly car payment is due.
6. Families are like fudge .. mostly sweet with a few nuts.
7. Laughing helps. It’s like jogging on the inside.
8. My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
9. If you can remain calm, you just don’t have all the facts.
10. You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.

Two lions, Roger and Clarence, go to Dublin for a weekend on the pints.
Roger is pretty much a man's man, straight forward hetero,
whereas Clarence - well, Clarence minces and simpers,
he likes to wear leather, you know the kind of thing.
So anyway, they start their pub crawl near their hotel, on Baggot Street, in Toner's.
They're enjoying their drinks and the craic,
then they finish up and decide to move on to the next pub.
"Where should we try next?" Roger asks.Clarence consults his guide book.
"It says the Cobblestone bar in Smithfields is pretty good - good for music and the like.
Shall we try there?"
"Are you crazy?" says Roger.
"That's miles away! Why don't we go to Doheny & Nesbitt's, it's just up the street!"
Which all goes to prove..
.The shortest distance between two pints is a straight lion

Shakespeare walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer.
"I can't serve you." says the bartender.
"You're Bard!"

Haven't posted any pictures of Bears for awhile
Here are a few
The Lonely Panda

Russian Bear


Polars bears enjoying a day at home

A bear Joke

Little Johnny is constantly late for school and what’s worse
is that he always has to tell a big lie explaining why.
The teacher tells the headmaster that she is fed up with his exaggerations.
The headmaster tells her to send Billy to him the next time he turns up late.
He’ll tell Billy a lie so big that he will never tell another one. Ever!
The next day Billy shows up two hours late.
Billy says, “I was two hours early today so I had time to fish in the pond on my way to school.
I caught a seventeen pound trout and had to take it home.
If I didn’t clean it and freeze it, my mum would’ve been angry. That’s why I’m so late.”
The teacher promptly takes him to the headmaster’s office and explains the story to him.
The headmaster tells Little Johnny about his own trip to school that day.
He says, “I was walking to school through the park on the trail today when I heard something behind me.
I turned around and was shocked to see a giant grizzly bear behind me.
He was twenty four feet tall and had six-inch fangs.
He was going to eat me, Johnny! Just then a little dog ran out from the bushes, jumped up and attacked the bear.
The little dog killed the bear and then ate the whole bear right there in front of me.
What do you think of that, Johnny?”
Little Johnny replies,
“Oh yeah, that’s my dog Sparky. That’s his third bear this week.”

Don't hold your breath waiting!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thought for the Day

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Actually the bull story is quite plausible. bulls are very sensitive about their masculinity. Matadors wave a red cape at the bull. Bulls are not enraged by a red cape. cows are enraged by a red cape. the bull is enraged because the matador is mistaking him for a cow.