Sunday, August 10, 2008

Birthday over for another year

Now , if Ican only remember what to do next

stolen from.....Bits and Pieces

Bunk over at... Tacky Raccoons .....asked me if Iwas married
Just to prove it I am posting cartoon for her
I'm pretty safe, she doesn't use the computer

Uzbekistan Towing service
Wouldn't pull the skin off a rice pudding
A one dollar bill met a 20 dollar bill and said,
“Hey, where’ve you been?
I haven’t seen you around here much.”
The twenty answered,
“I’ve been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship,
back to the United States for awhile,
went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff.
How about you?”
The one dollar bill said,
“You know, same old stuff, church, church, church.”

Do you know who I am?

Wanna buy a Gate?

Wrong diagnosis
A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest.
The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick,
and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked,
"Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"
"My son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women,
too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man."
"Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized.
"I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong.
How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

William Penn, the famous statesman,
had two elderly aunts who loved to bake pies.
The pies were very popular with the townspeople.
So the aunts decided to start selling them.
The pies sold so well that the women quickly became greedy.
So they started raising their prices.
Soon, everybody in town was talking about ...
the pie-rates of Penn's aunts.

Enjoy your Colonscopy

Thanks Fred Rea

A man goes to his doctor and complains that his wife hasn’t wanted to have sex
with him for the past six months.
The doctor tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her
and hopefully determine what the problem is.
The following day, the wife goes to the doctor’s office.
The doctor asks her what’s wrong, why doesn’t she want to have sex with her husband?
“Oh, that’s easily explained. For the past six months,” the wife says,
“I’ve been taking a cab to work every morning. I don’t have any money.
The cab driver asks me, ‘Are you going to pay today, or what?’
So, I take an ‘or what’.”
“Then, when I get to work,” she continues,
“I’m late, so the boss asks me,
‘Are we going to write this down in the book, or what?’
So, I take an ‘or what’.
I take a cab to go home after work and, as usual, I have no money.
The cab driver asks me again, ‘So, are you going to pay this time, or what?’
Again, I take an ‘or what’.
So you see, doc, by the time I get home I’m all tired out and don’t want it anymore.”
“Yes, I see,” replies the doctor.
“So, are we going to tell your husband, or what?”

Can you ID the 3D eye candy
Concentrate and stare at the centre of the picture for about 60 seconds

Hey Good Lookin

Hank Williams
Jimmy Buffett
Here are links to two more great versions that I was unable to embed
and the one I personally favour
Buckwheat Zydeco [with Dwight Yokam]

It's amazing what you can do with Photoshop

Will one be wanting fries with that?

The kind barber
One day a florist goes for a haircut.
After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies:
"I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you, I am doing a community service".
The florist is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop,
there is a card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.
A butcher goes for a haircut the next day and he also goes to pay the barber
and the barber reples:
"I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing a community service".
The butcher is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning the barber goes to open his shop and there is a thank you card
and a package of steaks waiting at his door.
The next day a Copper goes for a haircut and goes to pay the barber.
The barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you, I am doing a community service".
The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop,
guess what he finds at the door?
Can you guess?
Come on, think like a Copper.... ....
two dozen other Coppers
waiting for free haircuts!

A blond goes into the cleaners and drops off a blouseto be dry cleaned.
As she's leaving the man behind the counter says
"Come again."
The blond stops and says,
"No, it's mustard this time."

American politics


Half-Redneck said...

Hope you had an excellent birthday, Phil! Here's to many more.

Phils Phun said...

Thanks Shelley
Had an enjoyable day with the family and had a few coldies to celebrate the BIG 60