Sunday, February 15, 2009


Ever had one of these mornings??

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TOP TEN TIPS for 2009
1 Do not get into trouble

2 Aim for greater heights

3 Stay focused on the job

4 Exercise to mantain good health

5 Practice teamwork

6 Rely on your trusted partner to watch your back

7 Save for rainy days

8 Rest and Relax

9 Always smile when the boss is around

10 Nothing is impossible

sent to me by my daughter Rennae
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Valentines Day Sucks

stolen from Bits and Pieces

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From this

To this
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Getting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's.
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late.
When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy - we wonder why.
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." And the husband replied,
"Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted".
Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing:
either the car is new or the wife.
How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America.
The rest cheat in Europe
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.


An Experiment To Check Who Loves You
Want to know who really loves you ?
Who is your REAL FRIEND?
This really works!
If you don’t believe it, try it yourself!!!
It’s a great experiment!!
Put your dog and your spouse in the boot [trunk] of the car for an hour
.When you open the boot [trunk,]
who is really happy to see you?
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It was a cold winter day.
An old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice and dropped in his fishing line.
He was there for almost an hour, without even a nibble,
when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not far from him.
The young boy dropped his fishing line and minutes later he hooked a Largemouth Bass.
The old man couldn't believe his eyes but chalked it up to plain luck.
But, shortly thereafter, the young boy pulled in another large catch.
The young boy kept catching fish after fish.
Finally, the old man couldn't take it any longer.
"Son, I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble.
You've been here only a few minutes and have caught a half dozen fish! How do you do it?"
The boy responded,
"Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm."
"What was that?" the old man asked.
Again the boy responded,
"Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm."
"Look," said the old man, "I can't understand a word you're saying."
The boy spit the bait into his hand and said,
"You have to keep the worms warm!"
Instrumental Hits
Fleetwood Mac....Albatross

the audio is a bit crackly but it gets better
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Two little kids are in a hospital,
lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room.
The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little scared."
The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four.
They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream.
It's a breeze."
The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"
The first kid says,
"A Circumcision."
And the second kid says,
"Whoa, Good luck, buddy, I had that done when I was born.
Couldn't walk for a year!"

Birth ...OOPS!!!!

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Back in Roman days, as you may know, slavery was part of life.
People went to slave markets to buy and sell slaves from all over the known world.
One particular slave market holder became well known for his special promotional contests - people would come from all over the Empire to win one of his slaves.
His most popular contest was a game where you had to try to throw a coin into a Roman urn.
If you’ve seen pictures, you’ll know that these urns have very narrow necks,
so the game was quite challenging, but if you succeeded,
you would win a slave from the market, so the prizes were good.
One day, a fairly poor woman returned from the market with a slave.
Her husband immediately berated her for spending so much money to buy a slave,
but she told him that she had won the contest, so it had only cost a single penny.
“After all,” she said
“You’ve always told me that a penny urned is a penny slaved.”

stolen from Archies Archive

Hans and Stein were playing in their yard in Zurich
when one of the boys accidentally swallowed a coin and started choking.
Hans ran inside to get help, yelling
"Mum! Dad! Come quick!
There's a franc in Stein!"

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Don't look down

Come for a ride on the rollercoaster at
Cedar Park, Sandusky, Ohio


Amazing Facts No 4


Useful sanitary products
A nine-year old boy goes into the grocery store,
grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register.
The cashier asks, "Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?"
"Nope," says the boy, "not for my mom."
The cashier responds, "Well, then they must be for your sister then?"
"Nope," says the boy, "not for my sister, neither."
The cashier is now curious, "Oh. Not for your mom and not for your sister --
then who are they for?"
The nine-year-old says,
"They're for my little brother.
They say on TV, if you wear one of these,
you can swim and ride a bike,
and my little brother can't do either of those things."

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are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at

1 comment:

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

Such a romantic video on love. Bwahahahahaha. I'm sure they are divorced by now?

Have a terrific day Phil. :)