Saturday, May 16, 2009



Whose got the key ??

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The flight was coming into Vancouver when a combination of mechanical errors
and unstable weather caused theplane to start plummeting towards the ground!
The pilot feverishly worked his controls,
and finallythe engines roared back to life in time to prevent
the plane from going splat on the ground!
As the plane landed, airport officials rushed to the disembarking gate
and were stunned to see 200 midgets shakily get off the plane.
Finally the crew got off the plane and the local manager of the airline
came up to congratulate the pilot on his perseverance under extreme conditions.
As the official and the pilot were talking,
the official commented how unusual it was that there were so many midgets on the flight.
"Those weren't midgets," the pilot replied.
"Those wereCanadians with the shit scared out of them!"
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Supplies!! Supplies!!

Surprise!!! Surprise!!

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Banned IKEA ads

IKEA Tidy Up Banned Commercials - Click here for more free videos
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Don't know if this is just a coincidence but....
2007 - Chinese year of the Chicken - Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia

2008 - Chinese year of the Horse - Equine Influenza decimates Australian racing

2009 - Chinese year of the Pig - Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of pigs around the globe.

It gets worse........ next year.....

.2010 - Chinese year of the Cock - what could possibly go wrong?

Thanks to all those who sent this to me the past couple of days..Cheers

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A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country.
She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense.
As soon as she boarded the plane,
a Boeing747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat
and starts shouting,
Annoyed by the goings on,

the Pilot comes out and shouts "BE SILENT!"
There was pin-drop silence everywhere

and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot.
She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment,
concentrated really hard,
and all of a sudden started shouting,
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Sherlock Holmes's sister, Ella, was a bit confused--
not that she suffered from dementia or anything--
she simply was a bit "blonde."
She was always getting her two twins confused,
even though they were fraternal, not identical,
and everyone else could easily tell Patricia from Theresa.
One day Sherlock's sister invited the great detective and
his assistant to a piano recital that Patsy was to give the following evening.
When she left, Sherlock's assistant said, rather bewilderedly, to Sherlock,
"I didn't know Patsy was studying the piano."
To which Holmes replied,
"Ella meant Terry, my dear Watson."

Back in the days of the Roman Empire,
the famous Emperor Nero instituted a new game.
The players would take those little disks you set your
glass on in order to protect the furniture,
and see who could get the most distance rolling them across the floor.
They were the first roller coasters.
The Iron Age had begun so the disks were made of iron,
and they would bet on whose disk would roll the farthest.
They called them ferrous wheels.

stolen from Archies Archive
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2 Weeks to Live
A man goes to the doctor and gets a check up.
The doctor finishes the exam and tells the man,
"I have some bad news, you only have have about two weeks left to live".
The man is shocked. He asks the doctor,
"Is there is any thing that he could do to make the time that I have left more tolerable?"
The doctor thinks for a moment.
"There is one thing that you could do".
"Just name it, I'll do whatever it is".
He tells the man to take alot of mud baths, two or three a day.
The man looks at his doctor asks,
"Will that help my condition"?
The doctor says,
"No, but it will get you used to the dirt."

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Phils Philosophy

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All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site
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jdg1956 said...

A great Willie song that brought back memories. More in this vein if you don't mind, please.

Phils Phun said...

OK my friend, I will do my best