313

thanks David J

---------------------------------

A truck driver who had been delivering radioactive waste

for the local reactor begins to feel sick after a few years on the job.

He decided to seek compensation for his ailment.

Upon his arrival at the workers' compensation department,

he is interviewed by an assessor.

Assessor: I see you work with radio-active materials and wish to claim compensation.

Trucker: Yeah, I feel really sick.

Assessor: Alright then,

Does your employer take measures to protect you from radiation poisoning?

Trucker: Yeah, he gives me a lead suit to wear on the job

. Assessor: And what about the cabin in which you drive?

Trucker: Oh yeah. That's lead lined, all lead lined.

Assessor: What about the waste itself? Where is that kept?

Trucker: Oh, the stuff is held in a lead container, all lead.

Assessor: Let me see if I get this straight.

You wear a lead suit, sit in a lead-lined cabin and the radio-active waste is kept in a lead container.

Trucker: Yeah, that's right. All lead.

Assessor: Then I can't see how you could claim against him for radiation poisoning.

Trucker: I'm not. I'm claiming for lead poisoning.

------------------------------------

Love this song

Mathew Tan and the Mandarins

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Those funny Animals

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On their wedding night,

the young bride went up to her new husband.

"Since we're married now, we can arrange our sex life like this:

In the evening, if my hair is done, that means I don't want sex at all.”

“If my hair is somewhat undone, that means I may or may not want sex.”

“And if my hair is completely undone, that means I want sex.”

“Okay sweetheart,” the groom replied.

“Just make sure, when I come home, I usually have a drink.”

“If I have only one drink, that means I don't want sex.”

“If I have two drinks, I may or may not want sex.”

“But if I have three drinks, your hair doesn't matter.”

-----------------

Look at the tits on this

--------------------------------

Blasts from the past

-----------

----------------------------

After closing time at the bar, a drunk was proudly showing

off his new apartment to a couple of his friends.

He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet

."What's up with the big brass gong?" one of his guests asked

."It's not a gong. It's a clock," the drunk replied

."A clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend

."Yup," replied the drunk

."How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it

."Watch," the drunk replied.

He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound

and stepped back.

The three stood looking at one another for a moment.

Suddenly someone on the other side of the wall screamed

, "You idiot! It's three-fifteen in the morning!"

thanks David T

-----------------------------------------

Back to School

----------------------------

Watch this a couple of times

Very Funny

thanks Liz Z
--------------------------

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.

"Mom", he asked,

"Are these my brains?"

"Not yet," she replied.

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My Prayer

-----------------------------------

naughty jokes

The lesbians next door asked me what I would like for my birthday.

I was quite surprised when they gave me a Rolex

. It was very nice of them,

but I think they misunderstood me when I said,

"I wanna watch."

-------------------------

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue.

Doctor: "What happened?

"Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do.

Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp

."Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that.

When your husband comes home drunk,

just take a glass of sweet tea and start gargling with it.

Just gargle and gargle."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor

looking fresh and reborn

.Woman: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea!

Every time my husband came home drunk,

I gargled with sweet tea. I gargled and gargled,

and nothing happened

!"Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"

----------------------------------------



PHILS PHILOSOPHY

Brilliant








"Plaisir d'amour" is a classical French love song written in 1780

by Jean Paul Égide Martini (1741-1816).

It was arranged for orchestra by Hector Berlioz.

Although it has been adapted as a piece of pop music,

it was written in a classical style during the classical period

.The song, originally composed in 1780,

took its libretto from a poem by Jean de Florian (1755-1794),

which is in his romance, Célestine.

The classical French composer Hector Berlioz (1803-1869)

arranged the piece for orchestra.

Notable interpretations of the song include those of Joan Baez, Brigitte Bardot,

Judith Durham Karen Allyson, and Charlotte Church.

It was performed by Irene Dunne in Love Affair (1939 film);

Maria Ouspenskaya accompanies on the piano.

"Plaisir d'amour" is also sung by a children's choir in "The Breaking Point,"

an episode of HBO's 2001 World War II television miniseries Band of Brothers.

The melody was reused for both the song

"My Love Loves Me," performed by Anita Carter

, and the popular song "Can't Help Falling in Love," performed by Elvis Presley,

although neither uses its lyrics or a translation thereof.

--------------------------

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