310





Teddy Bears crossing the Road


stolen from Miss Cellania

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A young Scottish lad and lassie were sitting on a low stonewall,
holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch.
For several minutes they sat silently,
then finally the girl looked at the boy and said,
"A penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him.
Then he blushed.
Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.
After a while the girl spoke again.
"Another penny for your thoughts, Angus
." "Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's aboot time for a wee cuddle."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him.
Then he blushed.
Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.
After a while the girl spoke again.
"Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's aboot time
you let me poot ma hand on your leg."
The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her leg.
Then he blushed.
Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.
After a while the girl spoke again.
"Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
The young man knit his brow.
"Well, now," he said, "my thoughts are a bit more serious this time."
"Really?" said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation.
"Aye," said the lad.
The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush,
and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request.
Angus blurted out:
"Din'na ye think it's aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies?"

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From 1987

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Newlywed Bride to Groom

"Will you love me when I'm old?"

"Love you?

I shall idolize you.

I shall worship the very ground that you walk on.

I shall ...

uhhhhh, you're not going to look like your mother, are you?"

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Those funny animals

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And don't mess with us

thanks Liz Z

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The oldest trick in the book [new version]



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At one time, economic conditions caused the closing

of several small clothing mills in the English countryside

A man from West Germany bought the buildings

and converted them into dog kennels

for the convenience of German tourists who liked to have their pets

with them while vacationing in England

One summer evening, a local resident called to his wife to come out of the house

"Just listen!" he urged.

"The mills are alive with the hounds of Munich!"

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The golfing world is celebrating a new invention

that promises to revolutionize the sport

. The new device is called the "bee nut."

It is a fastening attachment that allows players to adjust the

heads on their clubs to any angle

, thus saving the need to carry a bagful of clubs.

Thus, for example,

players can use the same club to putt as they used to get out of the sand trap.

Golf clubs with this modification are selling quickly,

and players everywhere are taking golfing picnics,

so they can try their new...
..."bee-nut putter sand-wedge."

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New Zealand Beer Festival

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A frog goes into a bank and hops up to a teller.

He can see from her name plate that she is called Patricia Whack

, so he says "Ms. Whack, I'd like to borrow $30,000, please."

The teller asks for his name and the frog replies that he is Kermit Jagger,

son of Mick Jagger,

and a personal friend of the bank manager.

Unconvinced, Ms. Whack explains she will need some identity

and also some security against his loan.

The frog produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant

and hands it to her.

The confused teller says she will have to consult with her manager.

'There's a frog called Kermit Jagger

at the counter who wants to borrow $30,000," she tells her boss.

"And what do you think this elephant is about?"

The manager looks back at her and says

"It's a knick-knack, Patti Whack, give the frog a loan.

His old man's a Rolling Stone.'
thanks Duke


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Patsy and Willie



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Doing a rollcall on the first day back at school at Bankstown Primary,

the teacher began calling out the names of the pupils

:"Mustafa El Ekh Zeri?"

"Here."

"Achmed El Kabul?"

"Here."

"Fatima Al Chadoury? "

" Here."

"Abdul Alu Ohlmi?"

" Here."

Mohammed Ibn Achrha?"

" Here."

"Mi Cha El Mey Er"

Silence in the classroom.

"Mi Cha El Mey Er"

Continued silence as everyone looked around the room.

She repeated,"Is there any child here called Mi Cha El Mey Er?"

A boy arose and said,

"Sorry teacher. I think that's me.

My name is Michael Meyer."

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PHILS PHILOSOPHY

YOU MIGHT BE FROM NEW MEXICO IF

You buy salsa by the half-gallon.

You are still using the paper license tag that came with your car five years ago

Your favorite restaurant has a Chile list instead of a wine list.

You do all your shopping and banking at a drive-up window.

Your Christmas decorations include "a yard of sand and 200 paper bags"

You have license plates on your walls but not on your car

Most restaurants you go to begin with "El" or "Los"

You remember when Santa Fe was not like San Francisco.

You hated Texans until the Californians moved in.

The tires on your roof have more tread than the ones on your car

You price shop for tortillas

You have an extra freezer just for green chile

You think a red light is merely a suggestion

You believe that using a turn signal is a sign of weakness.

You don't make eye contact with other drivers because

you can't tell how well armed they are just by looking.

You think six tons of crushed rock makes a beautiful front lawn

You have to sign a waiver to buy hot coffee at a drive-up window

You ran for state legislature so you can speed legally

You pass on the right because that's the fast-lane

You have read a book while driving from Albuquerque to Santa Fe.

You know they don't skate at the Ice House and the Newsstand doesn't sell newspapers.

You think Sadie's was better when it was in the bowling alley.

You have used aluminum foil and duct tape to repair your air conditioner.

You can't control your car on wet pavement

There is a piece of a UFO displayed in your home

You know that The Jesus Tortilla is not a band.

You wish you had invested in the orange barrel business.You just got your fifth DWI and got elected to the state legislature in the same week

Your swamp cooler got knocked off your roof by a dust devil.

You have been on TV more than three times telling about your alien abduction.

You can actually hear the Taos hum.

All your out-of-state friends and relatives visit in October

You think Vegas is a town in the northeastern part of the state.

You iron your jeans to "dress up".

You don't see anything wrong with drive-up window liquor sales.

Your other vehicle is also a pick-up truck.

Two of your cousins are in Santa Fe, one in the legislature the other in the state pen.

You know the punch line to at least one Espanola joke

Your car is missing a fender or bumper.

You have driven to an Indian Casino at 3 am because you were hungry

You think the Lobos fight song is "Louie,Louie".

(Actually, I always thought the Lobos fight song was the theme to The Mike Roberts Show!)

You know whether you want "red or green."

You're relieved when the pavement ends because the dirt road has fewer potholes


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