Friday, December 31, 2010

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An optimist stays up to see the New Year in.
A pessimist waits to make sure the old one leaves.
Bill Vaughan
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Trevor’s New Year’s Eve party was an annual occurrence
with numerous guests arriving.
During the evening, a man knocked on the door,
was greeted heartily although no one knew who he was,
and was led to where the drinks were, in the kitchen.
He sat there happily, chatting away, for a couple of hours
before a strange light dawned on his face
. ‘You know,’ he confided to Trevor,
‘I wasn’t even invited to this party.
I just came over to tell you that some of your guests’ cars are blocking my drive.’
He continued, ‘My wife’s been sitting out in the car waiting for me to get them moved,
so that we can go out.’
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New Year Cartoons











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Boston .com has some great pictures of 2010
Warning.. some are a bit too graphic
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parts 2 and 3 links at top of opening page


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Last of the Xmas cartoons





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Larry Griswold





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Young lady
A young lady went to a dance, and she had a low-cut, strapless gown on.
Around her neck she wore a little golden airplane on a long chain.
All night she noticed a young man, staring at her.
In her embarrassment, she held up the airplane and said,
"Oh, you like my airplane, huh?"
The young man smiled mischievously.
"No ma'am, I was just admiring the landing field."
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Way to Go!!!!!


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The Bear Wins




Those funny Animals












New Years Resolutions for Pets
1. Have a torrid one-night stand with a street mutt.
2. Try to understand that the cat is from Venus and I am from Mars.
3. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.
4. Circulate petition that Leg Humping be a juried competition in major dog shows.
5. Call PETA and tell them what that surgical mask-wearing freak
does to us when no one is around.
6. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.
7. Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on 'roids, or they'll flush my ass.
8. Always scoot before licking.
9. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry;
decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.
10. Get out of the castle more, maybe swim counter-clockwise this year.
11. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock!
January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock.
AND the Number 1 New Year's Resolutions Made by Pets...
12. I will NOT chase the damned stick unless I see it LEAVE HIS HAND.

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A man is just about to get a CD out of a cabinet
when the phone in the kitchen rings.
“Hello,” says the man answering it.
“Hi,” says a high woman’s voice.
“This is Tiffany, thehousekeeper.”
“Oh,” says the man. “Hi Tiffany.”
“Hi, Mr. Birschman. Sorry to call so late.
I figured you’d be back later,
so I planned to leave a message.
You see, I had a problem when I was cleaning the bedroom.”
“What sort of a problem?”
“Well, when I was trying to make your bed,
your envelope of emergency money,
you know, the one you keep under the matress, it fell out.”
“What’s the problem, Tiffany?”
“Well, I wasn’t sure just where to put it back,
so I justput it under the bottom left corner. Is that okay?”
“Yes. Thank you for telling me that, Tiffany. I appreciate it.”
“Oh, also, when I was vacuuming the living room,
I found that diamond ring you’ve been missing.”
“That’s wonderful, Tiffany! By the way, where did you put it?”
“In the jewelry box on the dresser, of course.”
“And how did you lock it?”
“First I turned the key to the right, then I pulled it out
and tried the top to make sure it was locked,” says thehousekeeper,
revealing how well she remembered hisinstructions.
“Good! And where did you put the key?”
“In the top right cabinet in the kitchen, under the good china.”
“Fantastic!” says the man, impressed.
“Oh, and I took the courtesy of wrapping the keys
to the Porsche in that adorable little box.
I know your wife isgoing to be so surprised.”
“Stupendous. Thank you so much, Tiffany.
You are really a great housekeeper.”
“Thank you, Mr. Birschman, and have a nice night.”
“You too, Tiffany. Good night.”
The man hangs up the phone, turns to his buddy,
and says with a grin,
“This is going to be the easiest robbery ever!”

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SOMETHING AUSSIE



Johnny O'Keefe
recorded May 7th 1960




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Grizzlies are moving in


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Happy New Year,Teddy Bears and the Blue Danube
The Blue Danube - animated Flash


Blast From The Past
Drafi
This was a big hit in Australia and Europe
Don't think it charted too well in the USA
It is sung here by Drafi in German [I think]
See if you recognise it



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It was rush hour, and the city bus filled until the aisle
was jammed with standing commuters.
One woman, precariously balanced on spike heels, clung to a hand grip.
Suddenly the bus took a sharp corner,
flinging her across the laps of two seated male passengers.
There was silence and all eyes turned on the threesome.
Laughter erupted as the quick-witted woman righted herself and quipped,
"All these years I thought I was British, and now I find I'm a Laplander!"
-- Stan Kegel
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Customer: "Excuse me. Why won't my debit card work on the pump?"
Owner: "Are you using an American card?"
Customer: "Yes."
Owner: "American cards don't work at the pump."
Customer: "You should put up a sign."
Owner: "We did, above the card slot."
Customer: "Oh. Well, I don't read Canadian."

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BONUS
Ventures with Rick Derringer




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"PHILS PHILOSOPHY"



but I leave you with a clip from one of my favourite musicals

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Disclaimer
All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site
are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.



5 comments:

Slavenka said...

Sretna 2011!

Sandee said...

Loved the Larry Griswold video. I wish I was half that agile. Just saying.

Have a terrific day and a very happy, healthy and prosperous New Year. :)

Tony said...

Some phunny cartoons & jokes Phil. Especially liked the one about the dog doing his business outside,

Vinvin said...

Bonne et heureuse année 2011 Phil ainsi qu'à toute ta famille.

Have a wonderful year !

Anonymous said...

I just love the movie Oliver Twist - - - Have a wonderful year Phil, I'll be looking forward to the next 365 days of laughs on your blog!!!

Celeste in Basel