Tuesday, January 4, 2011


Best Crashes for 2010

Father Murphy was playing golf with a parishioner.
On the first hole, he sliced into the rough.
His opponent heard him mutter, "Hoover!" under his breath.
On the second hole, the ball went straight into a water hazard.
"Hoover!" again, a little louder this time.
On the third hole, a miracle occurred and Father Murphy's drive landed
on the green only six inches from the hole! "Praise be to God!"
He carefully lined up the putt,
but the ball curved around the hole instead of going in. "HOOVER!"
By this time, his opponent couldn't withhold his curiosity any longer,
and asked why the priest said, "Hoover."
"It's the biggest dam I know," he replied.


Those Funny Animals


There was a farmer who had many pigs.
One day someone went to the farm and asked the farmer:
"What do you use to feed your pigs?"
"Well, I give them acorn, corn, and things like that. Why?"
"Because I am from the Animals Protection Association
and I think you don't feed them like you should, they shouldn't eat wastes."
Then he fined the farmer.
Some days later, another person arrived and asked the same question.
The farmer answered:
"Well, I feed them very well. I give them salmon, caviar, shrimp, steak...why?"
"Because I am from the United Nations Organization
and I think it's unfair that you feed your pigs like that
when there are people dying with nothing to eat."
And he fined the farmer
.Finally, another man came in and asked just the same question.
The hesitant farmer answered after a few minutes:
"Well, I give five dollars to each pig so they can buy whatever they want."


I was a mess.
My career as an artist was going nowhere,
my horseback riding was no longer fulfilling,
and in general I felt unattractive.
My husband did his best to be supportive:
"You're a great artist,"
"You're a wonderful equestrian,"
"You're the most beautiful woman I know."
One day, after another bad ride,
I told him my horse seemed depressed.
"How do I cheer up a horse?" I asked.
He shared his secret.
"Tell her she's good at stuff and that she looks beautiful."

Parallel Lines - the Philips and RSA sequel to 2009's incredible Carousel campaign.
Would it be as good? Could it deliver the same wow factor?
Fortunately the five films in Parallel Lines not only stand up visually
as wonderful pieces of online content,
but the new campaign allows for much greater interaction - more of that later.
Ridley Scott Associates (RSA) gave the same brief to all of its directors,
written by the creative team at DDB London and designed to be as open as possible:-
The film must be no more than three minutes long-
It must be as cinematic as possible-
It must feature the following dialogue and no other lines
'What is that?',
'It's a unicorn',
'Never seen one up close before'
, 'Beautiful', 'Get away, get away',
'I'm Sorry.'
'Parallel Lines isn't just about demonstrating a product.
The campaign is about storytelling, and we're positioning Philips Cinema TV
as the only way to watch these stories.
Keen filmgoers amongst you may raise an eyebrow
at the inclusion of the word unicorn in the directors' brief,
as the mythical creature has been at the centre of a long-running debate
about its meaning in Ridley Scott's Bladerunner.
And for those with a penchant for detail,
there are a whole raft of extras hidden in the films.
Some relating to the product and some more esoteric,
although a reliable source informs us that you'll need a working knowledge
of Russian and Mandarin to find them all...

I'll post some more in later blogs



A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day.
Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting,
he looked up and said,
"Grandma, how comeyou don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went toheaven?"
Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend.
I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long.
The religiousprograms make me feel good and the comedies makeme laugh.
I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend."
Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible.
She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture infocus.
Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of theTV hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the door-bell ring, so he hurried to open the door,
there stood Grand-ma's minister.
The minister said, "Hello, son, is your Grandma home?"
The little boy replied,
"Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."
The minister fainted.


Round the Bend

Blast from the Past


A man who has been very sick is visiting his doctor
to get the results of a battery of tests.
"What are my chances of recovering, Doc?" he asks.
"One hundred percent," the doctor assures him.
"That's a relief," the patient says.
"But how can you be so sure?"
"Well," the doctor says,
"statistics show that nine out of every ten patients with your disease will die.
Yours is the tenth case I've treated.
The others have all died.
So you're bound to get well."

Big Screen TV


Ankle biters



Australian Country Music legends with their 1978 hit


Mrs. Hand lived in the edge of the forest with her three sons.
Each morning she baked fresh bread which the
three Hand brothers delivered to the king.
One morning on their way to the castle,
the three brothers encountered a gigantic bird
who claimed to have eaten the king.
He then gobbled up two of the brothers
while the third brother ran away and hid behind a bush.
After seeing his brothers eaten by the bird,
the remaining brother grabbed a sharp axe
and chopped open the bird’s stomach and out jumped the king
and the two Hand brothers.
The king was so grateful that he rewarded the boy with a huge sack of gold.
“Which goes to prove,” remarked Mrs. Hand upon hearing the story
. “A Hand in the bush is worth two in the bird.”



The duffer muffed his tee shot into the woods,
then hit into few trees, then proceeded to hit across
the fairway into some other woods.
Finally, after banging away several more times,
he proceeded to hit into a sand trap.
All the while, he’d noticed that the club pro had been watching.
“What club should I use now?” he asked the pro
“I don’t know,” the pro replied.
“What game are you playing?”



Optical Illusion Video

Cool Optical Illusion - Watch more Funny Videos


Monday Night Football
“There’s a mouse in the house!” shrieked the lady to her spouse,
to which he promptly replied,
”Give him a beer and send him in here,
only seconds remaining and the score is tied!”


Some Funny T-Shirts


Elderly hooker
After listening to the elderly hooker plead her case,
Judge Hanson called a brief recess and retired to his chambers.
En route, he bumped into Judge Forbes.
"Say," said Hanson, "what would you give a sixty three year old hooker?"
"Oh gosh," replied Forbes,
"five or six bucks tops."


Emmylou Harris and Charlie Louvin [The Louvin Brothers]


- and with Vern Gosdin



but I leave you with this......
As we head into a new year and you need some inspiration
to get you going watch this video
" This young woman was in a terrible accident and lost her arm.
She had been a dancer and the loss was devastating to her.
After some years of deep depression,
someone suggested that she teach dance to children.
She began to realize that she wanted to try to dance again.
The loss of her arm affected her balance and at first she fell constantly.
She wanted to find a partner who was also disabled.
The young man you see in the video had never danced before,
and he, too, was in a terrible accident.
He thought her idea was not a good one,
but she persisted and they became a team."


All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site
are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.


Sandee said...

The two dancers were awesome Phil. Such determination and against huge odds. Excellent.

Have a terrific day. :)

Toni said...

Great issue - only problem is that it was too short! You'll see lots of it again.

Anonymous said...

Two very touching videos, the porcelain unicorn and the two dancers!!

I will "steal" the dancers for my Facebook page :-)

Celeste in Basel