445
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Remmber this bloke
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Topical Pictures
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Italian Girl
A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport.
"Thank you, Honey", she says. "What would you like me to bring back for you?"
He laughs and says, "An Italian girl!"
When the conference is over, he meets her at the airport and asks,
"So, honey, how was the trip?"
"Very good," she replies.
"And what happened to my present?"
"Which present?" she asks.
"The one I asked for- an Italian girl!"
"Oh, that," she says. "Well, I did what I could.
Now we have to wait nine months to see if it's a girl.
stolen from Miss Cellania
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Say Something Nice
thanks Tracy Marie
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thanks Gordon H
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When it says you only have 8 seconds to answer the question,
they aren't kidding !
You better be quick!!!!
This is VERY FAST , so be prepared.
You only have 8 seconds for each question.
thanks Liz Z
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Bridge from Ting on Vimeo.
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Ray Price
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Those Funny Animals
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Today's Heartwarming story
A GERMAN TOURIST JUMPED IN THE FREEZING WATER
AND SAVED MY PRECIOUS LITTLE DOG.
UPON GETTING BACK ON THE BRIDGE,
HE CHECKED MY PUPPY OUT AND TOLD ME,
"ZE DOG IS OK. HE VILL BE FINE."
Due to his selfless heroic act,
I ASKED, "ARE YOU A VET?"
HE REPLIED, "VET? I'M F#######G SOAKED
thanks Glynis G
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There are a group of animals in a restaurant.
The waiter comes over at the end of the night to collect for the drinks
The skunk says ‘Don’t look at me, I haven’t got a scent’
The duck says ‘Just put it on my bill’
The cow says ‘You’ll have to ask one of the udders’
The deer says ‘I had a buck last week and I’m expecting a little doe soon’
The giraffe says ‘Well, I guess the high balls are on me then’
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thanks Kitty L
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thanks Gordon H
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2011 Version
He grasped me firmly, but gently, just above my elbow
and guided me into a room, his room.
Then he quietly shut the door and we were alone.
He approached me soundlessly, from behind,
and spoke in a low, reassuring voice close to my ear.
"Just relax."
Without warning, he reached down and I felt his strong,
calloused hands start at my ankles,
gently probing, and moving upward along my calves, slowly but steadily.
My breath caught in my throat.
I knew I should be afraid, but somehow I didn't care.
His touch was so experienced, so sure.
When his hands moved up onto my thighs,
I gave a slight shudder, and partly closed my eyes.
My pulse was pounding.
I felt his knowing fingers caress my abdomen, my ribcage.
And then, as he cupped my firm, full breasts in his hands,
I inhaled sharply.
Probing, searching, knowing what he wanted,
he brought his hands to my shoulders,
slid them down my tingling spine and into my panties.
Although I knew nothing about this man,
I felt oddly trusting and expectant.
This is a man, I thought.
A man used to taking charge.
A man not used to taking 'No' for an answer.
A man who would tell me what he wanted.
A man who would look into my soul and say...
"Okay ma'am, you can board your flight now."
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The Everly Brothers
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Take the Merriam-Webster Vocabulary Quiz
thanks Liz Z
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My new Theme Song
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thanks Gordon H
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Cave Persons
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Fails
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Next time you use a pair of rubber gloves, you're going to smile when you think of this:
A dentist noticed that his next patient,
a little old lady, was nervous,
so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves..
'Do you know how they make these gloves?' he asked.
'No, I don't,' she replied.
'Well,' he spoofed,
'there's a building in Canada with a big tank of latex,
and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank,
dip in their hands, let them dry,
then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size.'
She didn't crack a smile.
'Oh, well. I tried,' he thought.
But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure,
she burst out laughing.
'What's so funny?' he asked.
'I was just envisioning how condoms are made!'
(Gotta watch those little old ladies!
Their minds are always working!)
thanks Gordon H
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My new Theme Song
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Naughty Joke
Three 3rd Graders : an Irish kid, an Italian kid and a Black kid,
are on the playground at recess.
The Irish kid suggests that they play a new game.
"Let's see who has the biggest weenie," he says.
"Okay." They all agree.
The Irish kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out.
"That's nothing," says the Italian kid.
He whips his out, and proudly shows that his is at least an inch longer.
Not to be outdone, the Black kid whips his out.
It is by far, not only the biggest, but the widest.
That night, eating dinner at home,
the Black kid's mother asks him what he did at school today.
"Oh, we worked on a science project and then during recess,
my friends and I played a new game called
'Let's see who has the largest weenie."
"What kind of game is that, honey?" asks the mother.
"Well, I, Anthony and Patrick each pulled out our weenies,
and I had the biggest!
The other kids say it's because I'm Black.
Is that true?
"No, Antwon, - It's because you're eighteen!"
thanks Kitty L
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This is incredible
You are going to LOVE this!
I haven't a clue how it works, but it seems to - every time.
Let me know if you fool it!.
In the meantime, enjoy!
It is fun. It is amazing!
Choose a famous person in your mind and then participate in this 20 question game!!
It really works,
thanks Jayne M
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More Posters
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Broke Back Seinfield
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thanks Brett McG
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Fact of Life
A boy, frustrated with all the rules he had to follow, asked his father,
"Dad, how soon will I be old enough to do as I please?"
The father answered immediately,
"I just don't know, son.
No male has ever lived that long yet."
thanks Toni
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PHILS PHILOSOPHY
Disclaimer
All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site
are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.
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