Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Image by FlamingText.com



If this doesn't brighten your day, nothing will





 stolen from Miss Cellania


Penn and Teller


Australian Opposition Leader Tony Abbott walks into a Macquarie Bank Branch to cash a cheque.
 As he approaches the cashier he says
 “Good morning Ma’am, could you please cash this cheque for me”?
Cashier: “It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID”?
Abbott: “Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn’t think there was any need to.
I am Tony Abbott Leader of the Australian Liberal Party!!!!”
Cashier: “Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the new regulations,
 monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers, etc
 I must insist on seeing ID”
Abbott: “Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you.
 Everybody knows who I am”
Cashier: “I am sorry Mr. Abbott but these are the bank rules and I must follow them.”
Abbott: “I am urging you please to cash this cheque”
Cashier: “Look Mr Abott this is what we can do:
 One day Greg Norman came into the bank without ID.
To prove he was Greg Norman he pulled out his putting iron
and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup.
 With that shot we knew him to be Greg Norman and cashed his cheque.
 Another time, Lleyton Hewitt came in without ID.
 He pulled out his tennis racquet and made a fabulous shot whereas the tennis ball landed in my cup.
 With that shot we cashed his cheque. .
 So, Mr.Abbott, what can you do to prove that it is you,
 and only you, as the Leader of the Opposition and the Liberal Party ?”
Abbot stood there thinking, and thinking and finally says:
 “Honestly, there is nothing that comes to my mind.
I can’t think of a single thing.”
Cashier: “Will that be large or small bills, Mr. Abbott?”


How do you starve an Obama supporter?

Hide his food stamps under his work boots.



Those Funny Animals



Men Vs Women

thanks Hank and Marg


Catchy Tune
Do you know what it is??



My kids taught me...

- Picking your nose when no one else is looking is still picking your nose.
- Just keep banging until someone opens the door.
- Making your bed is a waste of time.
- There is no good reason why clothes have to match.
- Even Popeye didn't eat his spinach until he absolutely had to. (luv that one)
- If your dog doesn't like someone, you probably shouldn't either.
- Toads aren't ugly, they're just toads.
- Don't pop someone else's bubble.
- You work so hard peddling up the hill that you hate to brake on the way down.
- If you stand on tiptoe to be measured this year, you'll have to stand on tiptoe for the rest of your life.
- You can't ask to start over just because you're losing the game.
- Chasing the cat is more fun than catching it.



 stolen from Bits and Pieces


The patient who came to my radiology office for abdominal X-rays
was already heavily sedated.
 But I still had to ask her a lot of questions, the last one being,
"Ma'am, where is your pain right now?"
Through her medication, she answered, "He's at work."


From one of my favourite TV shows


thanks Gordon H



The Butt Song

thanks Toni




All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site
are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.


Sandee said...

I lifted what my kids taught me. That's a great one. I gave you credit as always.

Have a terrific day. :)

Vinvin said...

Hi Phil, the japan song is Kyu Sakamoto - Sukiyaki