504

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This  song is a version of our unofficial national anthem Waltzing Matilda, the lyrics for which were penned by Banjo Paterson on a track east of Winton, in Outback Queensland.

It is sung in the Top End's Kriol, a combination of languages said to have grown organically from the meeting of Aboriginal, European and Chinese people around Darwin.

thanks Jayne M

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and in its more traditional form

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Some more Culture for you

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Brian Wilson  [Beach Boys] and Paul McCartney [Beatles]

both turned 70 recently

stolen from Slavenka and Obi

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Topical Cartoons

A lesson in irony.

The Food Stamp Program, administered by the U.S. Department of
 Agriculture, is actually proud of the fact it is distributing the
 greatest amount of free meals and food stamps ever.
 
 Meanwhile, the National Park Service, administered by the U.S.
Department of the Interior, asks us to "Please Do Not Feed the Animals."

 Their stated reason for the policy is because the animals will grow
 dependent on handouts and will not learn to take care of themselves.

 This concludes today's lesson.

thanks Kitty L

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A young man dies and goes to Heaven, where he finds he is third in line at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter is taking a much-needed break, so an angel is admitting the newly arrived to Heaven.
The angel tells the three new arrivals that because so many drug dealers and other criminals have managed to sneak into Heaven, that St. Peter must now be a little stricter with the screening process. Each person is required to state his former occupation and tell his or her yearly salary. The first man in line says, “I was an actor, and I earned $1 million last year.”
The angel says, “Okay, you may enter.”
He turns to the woman, second in line, and asks her about her life. She states, “I earned $150,000 as an attorney.” The angel thinks for a moment and then lets her in, too.
He then turns to the third one in line and asks, “What have you done with your life?”
The man replies, “I earned $12,000 last year...”
“Oh,” the angel interrupts. “What did you teach?”

Famous people then and later

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Egg Roulette

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As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection: a thick slab of ham on a fresh bun with crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard. The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side. "Here, hold Johnny (our three-month- old son) while I get my sandwich," she said. I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers. I love mustard. I had no napkin. I licked it off. It was not mustard. No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding. With a washcloth in each hand, I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do; only I did it on my tongue. Later, after she stopped crying from laughing so hard, my wife said, "Now you know why they call that fancy mustard . . . "Poupon."

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THOSE FUNNY ANIMALS

Fish Walking

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A number of readers have sent me this

thanks to you all

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Survival Of The Fittest

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.

 thanks Tracy J

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thanks Gordon H

 stolen from Skips House of Chaos

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Some more Funny Signs

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Mad Russian Climbers

to get a full effect from this video

watch in full screen

 

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Groaners!!!

stolen from Skips House of Chaos

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Useless Information

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Two hunters, Bill & Ralphey, got a pilot to fly them into the Canadian wilderness where they managed to bag two big Bull Moose.

As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could only take the hunters, their gear and one Moose.

The hunters strongly objected saying: "Last year we shot two and the pilot let us take them both...and he had the exact same airplane as yours!"

Reluctantly, the pilot, not wanting to be outdone by another bush pilot, gave in and everything was loaded.

However, even under full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down, crashing in the wooded wilderness.

Somehow, surrounded by the moose, clothing and sleeping bags, Bill and Ralphey survived the crash.

After climbing out of the wreckage, Bill asked Ralphey: "Any idea where we are?"

Ralphey replied:

"I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year!"

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High on Coke

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even if you don't know or don't like Rita Haywoth

this is a well put together video

thanks Toni S

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Just click on "Dining Out In The World" below, then select your answer by clicking on the twirling utensil.

It will give you the correct answer, then move to the next country

Dining Out In The World

thanks Jayne M

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AN AMAZING SENTENCE IN ENGLISH - Remarkable indeed! The person who made this sentence must be a vocabulary GENIUS.

"I do not know where family doctors acquired illegibly perplexing handwriting;
nevertheless, extraordinary pharmaceutical intellectuality counterbalancing
indecipherability transcendentalizes intercommunication's incomprehensibleness."

This is a sentence where the first word is one letter long, the second is a word of two letters; the third word is three letters long ............ the 8th word is 8 letters long and so on ... with the 20th word being 20 letters long!

 thanks Toni S

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Men and Women

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I live in New Jersey, and I'm used to having people cut me off on the highway. But this one time I was cut off by a convertible. The man missed my car by inches -- and he yelled at me, to boot.
Still steamed, I noticed that we had gotten off at the same exit and the convertible's driver had pulled into an office complex parking lot. He left the top down, too...
So I pulled my car over and waited for the driver to leave the parking lot and enter the building. Then I entered the lot and pulled up next to the car.
As luck would have it, I had just made a stop at the supermarket, and I had a loaf of bread that I was willing to 'donate to the cause.' I did.
I tore up a few slices of bread and threw the pieces into the front and back seats of the open convertible. Then I drove out of the lot and pulled off across the street to watch.
It didn't take long for the seagulls to start descending...

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Men of Fashion!!!

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Two college students, Frank and Matt, are riding on a New York City subway when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change. Frank adamantly rejects the man in disgust.
Matt, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a couples of singles and gladly hands them over to the beggar with a smile. The beggar thanks him kindly and then continues on to the other passengers.
Frank is outraged by his friend's act of generosity. "What on earth did you do that for?" shouts Frank. "You know he's only going to use it on drugs or booze."
Matt replies, "And we weren't?"

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PHILS PHILOSOPHY