75
G'day, I have had a most relaxing weekend, doing virtually bugger all
A bit of gardening this morning
Took a couple of the grandkids to the local show and thats about all
Here is a bit of comic relief for you
Its Peter Kay, Matt Lucas, The Proclaimers and a host of others performing at a charity show




Am trying out this poll
If enough people vote I'll leave it up for a couple of blogs
If not I'll take it down

It's Raining on the Rock

Rare spring rains turn the rock into a waterfall

Simon Kearney, Uluru November 03, 2007

THE red rock, Uluru, turned mauve yesterday as waterfalls cascaded down its sides
following a drenching brought on by storms that have swept
across much of central Australia.

Picture: James Croucher

The rare sight of a wet rock in the middle of the desert was a drawcard to
locals and tourists alike who crowded viewing areas from before dawn.
The rain has severed main roads and stranded guests of the Kings Canyon Resort,
northeast of Uluru.
Parts of the Stuart Highway, which slices through some of the driest land on the planet,
were also closed because of flooding.
The resort town of Yulara, near Uluru, was last night bracing again
following reports of a major thunderstorm closing in.
Kings Canyon had 53mm of rain in the 24 hours to 9am yesterday,
Yulara airport had 26mm, and the Aboriginal community of Docker River, near the West Australian border, 39mm.
More rain was expected overnight as storms formed in Western Australia.
Chief district ranger at Watarrka (Kings Canyon) National Park Gary Weir
said hailstones as big as golf balls had fallen as the two-day drenching
began on Thursday afternoon.
"Most of the southern part of the Territory level with Alice Springs has been affected,"
Mr Weir said.
"The severity is just one of those things, but more often it's during the monsoon season
when a cyclone over somewhere like Broome turns into a low and brings rain into central Australia."
The usually dry Finke River, the oldest river in the world,
was flowing strongly under the bridge where the Stuart Highway crosses it
south of Alice Springs on Thursday afternoon.
Ms Cutter said the storms would persist for two to three days before clearing,
but she said more storms were expected later next week.


Photos and Story from the Weekend Australian

John Williamson and Warren H Williams.... Its Raining on the Rock




Paddy was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the shadows.
'Twenty quid . . .' she whispers.
He'd never been with a hooker before but he decides what the heck,
it's only twenty quid.
So they hide in the bushes.
They're going 'at it' for a couple of minutes when,
all of a sudden, a light flashes on them,
it's a police officer.
'What's going on here, people?' asks the officer.
'I'm making love to my wife,' Paddy answers indignantly.
'Oh, I'm sorry,' says the cop,
'I didn't know.'
'Well,' Paddy says, 'neither did I,
until you shined that light in her face.

Breaking News!!!

Who could have possibly guessed this
[pinched from Bits and Pieces]

Trees
It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but, here is one:
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods.
A small tree begins to grow between them,
and the beech says to the birch,
"Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The birch says he cannot tell.
Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.
The birch says, "Woodpecker, since you are a tree expert.
Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree.
He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch.
It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."


Rush hour at the Old Folks home

[Pinched from Bits and Pieces]




Thanks Rennae



Cartoons

Brad had a blind date with Ashley for the prom

and, as the evening progressed,

he found himself attracted to her more and more.

After some really passionate embracing, he said,

"Tell me, do you object to making love?"

"That's something I have never done before,"Ashley replied.

"Never made love? You mean you are a virgin?" Brad was amazed.

"No, silly!" she giggled. "I've never objected"

Iceberg For Sale

The following was taken from the New Zealand auction site Trademe.co.nz.

Those crazy Kiwis!!

Iceberg
In good condition. Some small stains - should come out.

About 100 by 300 metres.

Could be bigger underneath.Most are.

Got from Ronne Ice shelf about six years ago.

Girlfriend doesn't like it and says it needs to go.

Buyer must collect.

Current bid: $99,999,999.00

Minimum next bid: $100,000,099.00

Ask the seller a question:

Q. How much does it weigh? I may need to rent a trailer...

A. I don’t want timewasters here mate. You don’t use a trailer to remove an iceberg.

Come on, you are being silly.

Q. If I purchased now, would you be able to hold it til next weekend?

I have to borrow my brother in law's ute.

A. That’s fine mate. I may not be home but I will leave it out for you.

Q. Hi. Nice looking 'berg. What would you estimate the temperature to be?

I'm after one that's quite cold.

A. I checked and can confirm 'Quite cold'.

I don’t know much about these technical things - but my mate reckons

'Freezing' if that means anything to you. He has had these before and knows his stuff.

Q. Would it be suitable for an Auckland Stadium? Helen

A. Thanks for your interest Helen. If it winds up being by the water then yes.

Q. Is it still under warranty?

A. Sorry no. This was only for the original owner. I got it from him.

Q. Should this be a Dutch Auction, as the item is getting smaller?

Or are you working on the bikini theory,

the smaller they are the more valuable they become?

A. Bit like my girlfriend. She says reduction is happening but I don’t see it.

Q. Does this Iceberg have any extra features? Frozen creatures...

reporters & helicopters..... Hitler's Remains?

A. These often have a dinosaur in them that can be re animated and used to

begin a theme park. But no promises.

Q. I am currently looking at one other 'berg' of similar dimensions

so do you have a buy now price?

A. Sorry. Not after the auction has started.

Q. Once it thaws is there a treat inside?

A. Yup. Water.

Q. Hi. I'm looking for something along these lines for a Christmas decoration.

Do you have any in the shape of a reindeer? Cheers.

A. By the end of the auction it may look like that. Get real drunk and check back in.

Q. I don't wish to pour cold water on this, but I must point out

that MAF regulations require that this 'berg will

need to be held in quarantine for 8 weeks. This may impact on delivery.

A. That’s only if it has a bird in it. But thanks for checking.

Q. Is this suitable for me to make a sculpture. I'm thinking of sculpturing

a new mother in law, as the old one is exceptionally cold,

and the new one would have to be a appreciably warmer to have in the house.

A. I’m thinking you would get at least one large mother in law and a friend from this.

Q. You said there may be more of it underneath.

If it comes closer to shore and touches the sea bed will I still own it,

or will the Maori own it?

A. Any shellfish on it are theirs, berg yours.

Q. Hi. Do you have these in any other colours?

A. No sorry. Besides, you don’t want the yellow icebergs.

In the great desert lived a band of nomads.

Their leader, Benny, had risen to his rank due to his magnificent beard.

His people believed a man's strength and courage came from his beard,

and thus the man with the biggest beard was their chief.

After leading the band for many years,

Benny began to fell uncomfortable wearing the beard, in this hot and dusty land.

He wanted to shave it off, so he called his council together to get their advice.

When he said he wanted to shave, the councilmen were shocked.

One said, "Do you not remember the ancient legend, Sire.

The leader who removes his beard is cursed and made into a piece of earthenware."

Benny had heard this legend, but being a modern man, he scoffed at the tale.

Being headstrong, he went ahead and cut and scraped away his once magnificent beard.

As the final whisker was cut off, a huge dust storm came up.

It lasted only a few seconds, and when it cleared,

there was a man-sized clay vessel where only moments before had stood their leader.

The council then knew the legend must be true.

Their conclusion?

"A Benny shaved is a Benny urned."

Cartoon of the week

A motorcycle officer stops a man for running a red light.

The guy is a real jerk and comes running back to the motor officer.
The violator demands to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!

So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation.

The "Motorist" instantly goes on a tirade,

questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit terms.

The officer, being a professional, takes it all in stride,

figuring "battleship mouth and rowboat ass".
The tirade goes on without the cop saying anything.

When he gets done with writing the citation he puts

an "AH" in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the citation.

He then hands it to the "Violator" for his signature.
The guy signs the cite angrily, tearing the paper,

and when presented his copy points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for.

The officer then removes his mirrored sunglasses,

gets in the middle of the guy's face and said,

"That's so when we go to court, I'll remember you're an asshole!"
Three months later they are in court.

The "Violator" has such a bad record he is about to lose his license

and has hired an attorney to represent him.

On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run the red light.

Under cross-examination, the defense attorney asks,

"Officer, is this a reasonable facsimile of the citation you issued my client?"
Officer responds, "Yes sir, this is the defendant's copy,

his signature and mine, same number at the top."

Attorney: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation

on this citation you don't normally make?"
Officer: "Yes sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an 'AH', underlined."
Attorney: "What does the AH stand for, officer?"
Officer: "Aggressive and Hostile, Sir."
Attorney: "Aggressive and hostile?"
Officer: "Yes, Sir?"
Attorney: "Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for Asshole?"
Officer: "Well, Sir, you know your client better than I do."

----

Aurora Borealis

An astounding photo of the natural phenomenon known as

Auroa Borealis

Taken on board the space shuttle Atlantis during the sts-117 mission

Solar Eclipse 1999

The shadow of the moon covers part of the earth

On August 11th 1999 in this photo taken from the MIR Space Station,

this shadow raced across the Earth at 2000 km's per hour,

All areas under the centre of it plunged into darkness

during the total Solar Eclipse


5 NUNS IN TOWN

Sisters Mary Catherine, Maria Theresa, Katherine Marie,

Rose Frances,& Mary Kathleen left the Convent on a trip

to St. Patrick's Cathedral in New York City

and were sight-seeing on a Tuesday in July.
It was hot and humid in town and their traditional garb was making them so uncomfortable, they decided to stop in at Patty McGuire's Pub for a cold soft drink.

Patty had recently added special legs to his barstools,

which were the talk of the fashionable eastside neighborhood.

All 5 Nuns sat up at the bar and were enjoying their Cokes

when Monsignor Riley and Father McGinty entered the bar through the front door.

They, too, came for a cold drink when they

were shocked and almost fainted at what they saw.

[Thanks Josie Jamieson]

Who says we're not conservation conscious?

A recent study found the average golfer walks about 1500 km’s a year.
Another study found golfers drink, on average, 100 litres of beer a year.

That means, on average, golfers get about 15 km’s to the litre

Golfing Hazzards

A couple of varied musical items for you today

Enjoy


Don Williams....Your my best friend

Foster and Allen......Maggie






More Cartoons

GLOBAL WARMING

CLICK ON POINTER