Thursday, January 31, 2008

Unbelievable as it seems, we have reached post no 100
April 2007 seems a long way back
Ithank you all for your support

Lets try something a little different Here is a song from 1972 to get you up and going

Daniel Boone....Beautiful Sunday

This is from the Carol Burnett Show

Tim Conway and Harvey Korman
The Dentist
I dare you not to laugh

thanks Joan Andony

Todays Cartoons.....Kids

A father, who worked away from home all week,
always made a special effort with his family on the weekends.
Every Sunday morning he would take his 7-year old daughter
out for a drive in the car for some bonding time.
One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold
and he really didn't feel like being up at all.
Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and
said that she would take their daughter out.
When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her father.
"Well," the father asked, "did you enjoy your ride with mommy?"
"Oh yes, Daddy" the girl replied,
"and do you know what?
We didn't see a single dumb bastard or lousy shit head!"

Sorry about this, but its funny
An Englishman, Scotsman and a Pakistani go to the barbers
Englishman: "Give me a telly"
Barber: A Telly, sir?"
Englishman: Telly Savalas, bald, chop the lot off"
Barber: "OK sir, that will be £3
Scotsman: "I'll have a Telly too, please.Barber:
"Very well sir, that will be £3 please
Pakistani: "I too, will have a Telly, please
.Barber: "Right you are sir, that will be £9 please
Pakistani: "£9 but they only paid £3
Barber: "Yes sir, but yours is a colour telly\

Two Englishmen- businessmen in London
- were sitting down for a break in their soon-to be new store.
As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only afew shelves set up.
One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some thick tourist is going to walk by,
put his face to the window and ask what we're selling.'
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when,
sure enough, a curious Scotsman walked to the window,
had a peek, and in a broad Scottish accent asked
'What are you selling' here
One of the men replied sarcastically
,'We're selling arse-holes.
'Without skipping a beat,
the Scotsman said,'You are doing well ...
Only two left!'
[thanks Geoff Collins]

The Golden Arches

A young lady with a touch of hay fever took two handkerchiefs with her to the dinner party,
one in her purse and the spare she kept in her bosom.
At dinner she began rummaging in her bosom for the fresh handkerchief,
but it stubbornly refused to be found.
To left and to right she searched:
until she realised suddenly that conversation around her had ceased
and everyone was watching her in fascination.
Flustered, she murmured,
"I know I had two when I came."

For all you Golf Nuts
Here is some more Tiger Woods
Nike Ad
thanks Jim King

Here in the West school teachers are gearing up for another stressful year
Poor Buggers ,just had seven weeks holiday

A teacher joke
Helpful teacher
A group of second, third, and fourth graders, accompanied by two female teachers,
went on a field trip to their closest midweek race track,
to see and learn about thoroughbred horses.
When it was time to take the children to the bathroom,
it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room
when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.
Having no choice, she went inside,
helped the boys with their pants and began hoisting the boys up one by one,
holding onto their "wee-wees" to direct the flow away from their clothes.
As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed.
Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said,
"You must be in the fourth grade."
He replied:
"No, ma'am, I'm riding Silver Arrow in the 7th race today".

Population crisis

Here is the population list:
(Country Population Date % of world population).
World 6,671,226,000 July 1, 2007 100%
PRC 1,323,081,672 Jan 8, 2008 19.83% India 1,131,043,000 March 1, 2007 16.95%
United States 303,202,683 Jan 9, 2008 4.54%.

Always be careful when crossing the road

Try this one

Dr. Phil's Test:
Here you go.
Try this!
Below is Dr. Phil's test. (Dr. Phil scored 55; he did this test on Oprah - she got a 38.)
Some folks pay a lot of money to find this stuff out! Read on, this is very interesting!
Don't be overly sensitive!
The following is pretty accurate and it only takes 2 minutes.
Don't peek, but begin the test as you scroll down and answer.
Answers are for who you are now --- not who you were in the past
Have pen or pencil and paper ready
This is a real test given by the Human Relations Dept. at many of the major corporations today. It helps them get better insight concerning their employees and prospective employees.
It's only 10 Simple questions, so grab a pencil and paper,
keeping track of your letter answers to each question.
1. When do you feel your best?
a) in the morning
b) during the afternoon and early evening
c) late at night
2. You usually walk..
.a) fairly fast, with long steps
b) fairly fast, with little steps
c) less fast head up, looking the world in the face
d) less fast, head downe) very slowly
3. When talking to people you...
a) stand with your arms folded
b) have your hands clasped
c) have one or both your hands on your hips
d) touch or push the person to whom you are talking
e) play with your ear, touch your chin, or smooth your hair
4. When relaxing, you sit with.. .
a) your knees bent with your legs neatly side by side
b) your legs crossed
c) you r legs stretched out or straight
d) one leg curled under you
5. When something really amuses you, you react with...
a) big appreciated laugh
b) a laugh, but not a loud one
c) a quiet chuckle
d) a sheepish smile
6. When you go to a party or social gathering you..
.a) make a loud entrance so everyone notices you
b) make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know
c) make the quietest entrance, trying to stay unnoticed
7. You're working very hard, concentrating hard, and you're interrupted...
a) welcome the break
b) feel extremely irritated
c) vary between these two extremes
8. Which of the following colors do you like most?
a) Red or orange
b) black
c) yellow or light blue
d) green
e) dark blue or purple
f) white
g) brown or gray
9. When you are in bed at night, in those last few moments before going to sleep you are..
.a) stretched out on your back
b) stretched out face down on your stomach
c) on your side, slightly curled
d) with your head on one arm
e) with your head under the covers
10. You often dream that you are...
a) falling
b) fighting or struggling
c) searching for something or somebody
d) flying or floating
e) you usually have dreamless sleep
f) your dreams are always pleasant
1. (a) 2 (b) 4 (c) 6
2. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 7 (d) 2 (e) 1
3. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 5 (d) 7 (e) 6
4 (a) 4 (b) 6 (c) 2 (d) 1
5. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 2
6. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 2
7. (a) 6 (b) 2 (c) 4
8. (a) 6 (b) 7 (c) 5 (d) 4 (e) 3 (f) 2 (g) 1
9. (a) 7 (b) 6 (c) 4 (d) 2 (e) 1
10 (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 6 (f) 1
Now add up the total number of points.
OVER 60 POINTS: Others see you as someone they should "handle with care." You're seen as vain, self-centered, and who is extremely dominant. Others may admire you, wishing they could be more like you, but don't always trust you, hesitating to become too deeply involved with you.
51 TO 60 POINTS: Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality; a natural leader, who's quick to make decisions, though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome, someone who will try anything once; someone who takes chances and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you radiate
.41 TO 50 POINTS: Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting; someone who's constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who'll always cheer them u p and help them out.
31 TO 40 POINTS: Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful & practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over if that trust is ever broken.
21 TO 30 POINTS: Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It would really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment, expecting you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then, usually decide against it They think this reaction is caused partly by your careful nature.
UNDER 21 POINTS: People think you are shy, nervous, and indecisive, someone who needs looking after, who always wants someone else to make the decisions & who doesn't want to get involved with anyone or anything! They see you as a worrier who always sees problems that don't exist. Some people think you' re boring. Only those who know you well know that you aren't.
Thanks to Don Henry [Edmonton Alberta, Canada ]for this
Iscored 38

A young woman was in the hospital, recovering from major surgery.
She hated being stuck in the tiny little room all day and to make matters worse,
the daily routine was starting to get to her.
Every morning, for example, the nurse would bring her breakfast
(which always consisted of an egg, piece of toast, and glass of apple juice).
She would then return a little bit later to empty the urine bottle.
And so it continued...
Finally, one morning, she decided to have a little fun.
She ate the eggs and the toast, but went to the bathroom where she cleaned the urine bottle out, then poured the apple juice into it.
When the nurse returned later that morning, he took a look at the bottle
and a frown came over his face.
"Obviously, you enjoyed your breakfast,
but something must be wrong because this looks a little cloudy," he said,
pointing to the urine bottle.
"Oh, really?" the patient replied, picking up the bottle in question
and putting it to her lips.
"In that case, we’d better run it through again..."
[pinched this from Miss Cellania]

Wendy meets Tammy for lunch.
"You're looking very tired today, Tammy.
Did you have a late night?"
"Yes," replied Tammy, "but it was all very strange.
While doing some gardening yesterday, I found a lamp,
so I rubbed it and out popped a genie.
He gave me a choice of two wishes."
"Wow," said Wendy, "so what were the choices he gave you, Tammy?"
"He said he could either give me an excellent, sharp, 100% memory
or else he could give my boyfriend a bigger penis."
"So tell me already, Tammy, what did you choose?"
"I can't remember," replied Tammy.

What Wonderful world

Heres looking at you kid

Willie Nelson and Friends
Waylon Jennings and others
Good Hearted Woman

With Paul Simon

With Ray Charles
Seven Spanish Angels
Seen at last weeks Tennis Australian Open

Sunday, January 27, 2008

An estimated crowd of 300.000 lined the banks of the Swan River
last night to watch the Annual Australia Day Skyshow

Picture taken from "Perth Now" website

A cell [mobile] phone with many functions

I think I'll buy one of these

When in England remember to travel on
Yorkshire Airlines

A lot of my readers are Golf fanatics
If you click on this link you will see Tiger Woods
give away 4 Buicks to unsuspecting Golfers



Harsh Things To Say To A Naked Man
Author Unknown
I've smoked fatter joints than that.
Ahhhh, it's cute.
Why don't we just cuddle?
You know they have surgery to fix that.
Make it dance.
Can I paint a smiley face on it?
Wow, and your feet are so big.
It's OK, we'll work around it.
Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
Oh no... a flash headache.
(giggle and point)
Can I be honest with you?
How sweet, you brought incense.
This explains your car.
Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
Why is God punishing me?
At least this won't take long.
I never saw one like that before.
But it still works, right?
It looks so unused.
Maybe it looks better in natural light.
Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
Are you cold?
If you get me real drunk first.
Is that an optical illusion?
What is that?
It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
Does it come with an air pump?
So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
I guess this makes me the 'early bird'.

Cartoon of the Week

The elderly American gentleman arrived in Paris by plane.
At French Customs, he fumbled for his passport.
'You 'have been to France before, monsieur?' the customs officer asked sarcastically.
The old gent admitted that he had been to France previously.
'Zen, you should know enough to 'have your passport ready for inspection.'
The American said, 'The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it.'
'Impossible.. You... You Americans always 'have to show your passports on arrival in France !' The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look.
Then he quietly explained,
'Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach in '44
I couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to.'

No wonder I am an Atheist

Parishioner's death doesn't stop Mass
Not even the death of a worshipper was enough to stop Mass in a small church
in the northern Italian town of Trento.
Pio Lieta, 86, suffered a fatal heart attack during an early-morning service
at the Church of the White Madonna last Sunday.
An ambulance was called, and Mr Lieta, whose name means "pious" in Italian,
was pronounced dead at the scene.
However, instead of halting the Mass,
Father Mario Peron asked for the body to be covered with a white cloth
and left Mr Lieta in the nave of the church while he finished the service.
It is against Italian law to move a body without the authorisation of a local magistrate.
"What could I have done?" said Fr Peron afterwards.
"The Holy Mass has to be celebrated.
It is not right to make an exception for one individual.
Only people who do not understand the point of Mass
would not understand the logic of my decision.
We could not stop.
We were united together in church and we prayed for him."

Go back to the good old days of Black and White TV

A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre.
After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings
and made it safely to his van.
However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.
When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and the make such an obvious error,
he replied,
"Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings.
I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."
(And you thought I didn't have De Gaulle to tell you this one!)
Well, I figure I have nothing Toulouse

At a Music Store: Out to lunch. Bach at 12:30. Offenbach sooner.
At a number of US military bases: Restricted to unauthorized personnel.
At a pizza shop: 7 days without pizza makes one weak.
At a Santa Fe gas station: We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container.
At a tire shop in Milwaukee: Invite us to your next blowout.
At a Towing Company: We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.
At a Used Car Lot: Second Hand cars in first crash condition.
At an Auto Body Shop: May we have the next dents?
At an optometrist's office: If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
At the electric company: We would be delighted if you send in your bill.
However, if you don't, you will be



Click on pointer in left bottom corner

Donate Eyes

World wide,almost 6 million die prematuely each year as a result of smoking

Dubious logic
Clem asks Abner, "Ain't statistics wonderful?"
"How so?" says Abner.
"Well, according to statistics, there's 42 million alligator eggs laid every year.
Of those only about half get hatched.
Of those that hatch, three-fourths of them get eaten by predators in the first 36 days.
And of the rest, only 5 percent get to be a year old because of one thing or another.
Ain't statistics wonderful?"
Abner asks, "What's so wonderful about statistics?"
"Why, if it wasn't for statistics,
we'd be up to our asses in baby alligators!"

Maybe Jim Fleming can tell us how tasty this must be??

A wife suspected that her husband was having an affair with the maid.
She thought of a plan to take him by surprise.
One Friday she told the maid to take the day off
and that night she went into the maid's room,
switched off all the lights and, in pitch darkness,
slipped into the bed.
Sure enough at midnight,
there were footsteps and a figure opened the door
and slipped into the maid's bed beside her.
After an hour of wild, passionate sex, the wife, still in ecstatic reverie,
switched on the lights and blurted,
"WELL - Are you surprised?"
"I sure am, ma'am!" stammered the chauffeur

And I think to myself
What a Wonderful World

If you are from WI....Smile
You Know You Are From Wisconsin When ...
Your whole family wears green and gold to church on Sunday.
You define summer as three months of bad sledding.
Snow tires come standard on all your cars.
You refer to the Packers as "we."
You have gotten frostbitten and sunburned in the same week.
You can identify an Illinois accent..
You know what cow-tipping is.
You learned to drive a tractor before the training wheels were off your bike.
Down South to you means Chicago.
Traveling coast to coast means going from La Crosse to Milwaukee.
A brat is something you eat.
You know that Eau Claire is not something you eat.
You have no problem spelling Milwaukee.
You consider Madison exotic.
You got a passport to go to Minnesota.
You don't have a coughing fit from one sip of Pabst Blue Ribbon.
You can actually pronounce Oconomowoc.
You know what a bubbler is.
Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a cow next to your blue spruce.
Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new machine shed.
You go out for fish fry every Friday.
You can recognize someone from Illinois from their driving.
You know how to polka.
You drink soda and refer to your dad as "pop."
Formal wear is blue jeans & a baseball cap.
You were unaware there is a legal drinking age.
Your 4th of July Family Picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
You know where Waukesha is AND can pronounce it.

Men with Banjo's
Steve Martin and the Legendary Earl Scruggs

Thursday, January 24, 2008


Come Saturday January 26th ,Australia is celebrating its 220th birthday
Although its been around a lot longer than that
This post will have a distinctive Aussie Flavour

Hope you enjoy it



Western Australia[ thebest bit]

click to enlage

Western Australia is the largest state in Australia ?
It is larger than Alaska and Texas combined.
Perth is Australia’s windiest city with an average wind speed of 15.6 kph ?
Karri tree in Western Australia is the world’s third-tallest tree after the Californian Redwood and the Australian Mountain Ash ?
It can grow up to 80m tall.
The world famous
Pinnacles landscape formation in Western Australia
are actually remains of tree roots, covered by sand then encased in limestone dissolved from the sand by rainwater ?
The world’s largest monolith is actually Mt. Augustus in Western Australia

and not Uluru ?
Mt. Augustus is twice the size of Uluru,
but has bushes covering its lower part.
As such, Uluru is the largest “free-standing” monolith.
The Kimberley area in Western Australia produces 35% of the world’s diamonds ?

Western Australia has some spectacular scenery
and one of my favourite spots is on the south coast


Some Aussie funnies

An Aussie salesman drove into a small town in the far south of New Zealand,
where a small circus was playing
.A sign read: "Don't Miss the Amazing Maori."
The salesman bought a ticket and sat down.
There, under the Big Top, in the centre ring, was a table with three walnuts on it.
Standing next to it was a middle aged Maori.
Suddenly, the Maori dropped his pants,
whipped out his huge male member and smashed all the walnuts with three mighty swings!
The crowd erupted in applause and the Maori was carried off on their shoulders.
Fifteen years later the salesman visited the same little town,
found the same circus,
and saw the same faded sign that read, "Don't Miss the Amazing Maori."
He couldn't believe the old guy was still alive, much less still doing his act!
He bought a ticket.
Again, the centre ring was illuminated.
This time, however, instead of walnuts, three coconuts were placed on the table.
The old Maori stood before them,
then suddenly dropped his pants and smashed the coconuts
with three swings of his amazing member.
The crowd went wild!
Flabbergasted, the salesman requested a meeting with him after the show.
"You're incredible!" he told the Maori,
"but I have to know something.
I saw your act 15 years ago, and you were using walnuts.
Why the switch from walnuts to coconuts?"
"Well," said the Maori, "my eye sight isn't what it used to be."

Reasons to eat Lamb with Sam Kekovich

Two kangaroo shooters, way out the back of Bourke.
Their ute breaks down.
They do the right thing – stay with it.
But no one comes along.
So they decide to walk out.
The temperature is 40 plus C.
After 2 days, they’re on their last drop of radiator water
when they climb a rise and find, nailed to a tree,
a sign saying
In the distance, a collection of ramshackle tin huts.
They arrive.
One hut is identified as a café.
They enter.
A lady appears, very proper.
“Yis”, she says.
“Bring us a drink, luv. Make it long and quick.”
“We only serve one thing here.”
“What’s that?”“Koala tea.”
“Well, bring it luv, only make it quick!”
She brings it, and she is not kidding.
Pathetic little paws grip the edge of the billy
and little furry ears poke through the murky surface.
Well, kangaroo shooters are pretty tough but they’re not this tough.
They look at each other and beg the woman to “take it away please, and strain it.”
“What?” she says,
“The Koala Tea of Mercy is not strained.

Ute = utility vehicle or pickup truck]

[Billy = an outback teapot]

Australia Down Under

Men at Work...... I come from a land down under

Travelling in a fried- out Kombie,

on a hippy trail, head full of zombie.

I met a strange lady,

she made me nervous

she took me in and gave me breakfast.

And she said -Do you come from a land down under,

where woman glow and men plunder?

Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder?

You better run, you better take cover.

Buying bread from a man in Brussels,

he was six foot four and full of muscles.

I said, "Do you speak-a my language?"

He just smiled and gave me a Vegemite sandwich

.And he said -I come from a land down under,

where beer does flow and men chunder

.Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder?

You better run, you better take cover.

Lying in a den in Bombay,

with a slack jaw, and not much to say.

I said to the man, "Are you tryin' to tempt me?"

Because I come from the land of plenty.

And he said -Do you come from a land down under,

where women glow and men plunder?

Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder?

You better run, you better take cover

Travelling on the Oodnadatta Track
which runs from Marla Bore on the Stuart Highway to Maree
Thats Lake Eyre South in the foreground

Aussie champion motor Bike rider ..Robbie Maddison

Built for Aussie conditions

An Australian physician has claimed that the following are actual comments

made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies.

To understand them all you may need to know that

Harold Holt was an Australian Prime Minister who disappeared whilst he was surfing

and whose body has never been found.

Tasmania has something of a reputation for sexual perversion -- principally incest.

James Hardie is a company that used to make asbestos sheeting products

for home building until lawsuits claiming health problems from the asbestos

drove them out of that business.

1. "Take it easy Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before!"

2. "Find Harold Holt yet?"

3. "Can you hear me NOW?"

4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

5. "You know in Tasmania we're now legally married."

6. "Any sign of the trapped miners Chief?"

7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."

8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!"

10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

11. "You used to be an executive at James Hardie, didn'tyou?"

12. "God, Now I know why I am not gay."

13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is in fact not up there

Blue eyed Koala

"With his piercing blue eyes, tiny Frankie is one of a kind -
the world's only blue-eyed koala.
His striking peepers have dumbfounded animal carers at his Dreamworld home
on the Gold Coast.
Initially worried, staff ran tests but found that apart from some reduced pigmentation,
Frankie, dubbed after ol' blue eyes Frank Sinatra, had perfect vision.
Dreamworld supervisor Michelle Barnes said she doubted her own vision
when she first saw Frankie's eyes.
While Frankie, now nine months old, was the centre of media attention yesterday,
the general public will have to wait a couple of months before he is ready
to face the public for the first time."

Some time back the Australian Government in conjunction
with the Australian Tourist Bureau ran this very successful TV campaign

Not to be outdone.... The Kiwi's came up with their version

Thorny lizard in one of the deserts near Alice

Wilma the Wallaby

A site to die for
Cemetry on Bondi Cliff walk [Sydney]


Sign on the Nullabor plain [inset of others]

Qantas advert that was very popular

The "Chasers War on Everything"
With their response

Hugh Jackman Mambo No 5

There's not many of us left
My epittaph