Saturday, April 26, 2014

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Jurien Bay  north of Perth




Places to visit before they disappear


When Mohandas Karamchand Ghandhi, better known as Ghandhi, 
was studying law at the University College of London, 
there was a professor, whose last name was Peters,
 who felt animosity for Gandhi,
 and because Gandhi never lowered his head towards him
, their "arguments" were very common.
One day, Mr. Peters was having lunch at the dining room 
of the University and Gandhi came along with his tray 
and sat next to the professor. 
The professor, in his arrogance, said, "Mr Gandhi:
 you do not understand...
 a pig and a bird do not sit together to eat ".
Gandhi replied, "You do not worry professor, I'll fly away ",
 and he went and sat at another table.
Mr. Peters, green of rage, 
decided to take revenge on the next test,
 but Gandhi responded brilliantly to all questions.
Then, Mr. Peters asked him,
 "Mr Gandhi, if you are walking down the street 
and find a package, and within it there is a bag of wisdom
 and another bag with a lot of money;
 which one will you take?"
Without hesitating, Gandhi responded,
 "the one with the money, of course".
Mr. Peters, smiling, said,
 "I, in your place, would have taken the wisdom.
"Each one takes what one doesn't have",
 responded Gandhi indifferently.
Mr. Peters, already hysteric,
 wrote on the exam sheet the word "idiot"
 and gave it to Gandhi.
Gandhii took the exam sheet and sat down. 
A few minutes later, he went goes to the professor and said,
 "Mr. Peters, you signed the sheet, 
but you did not give me the grade."


Those Funny Animals

Surprise ending


If I sit, I sit

Man's best Friend


Two fighter pilots, looking for some excitement in the absence of combat,
 were bragging about what good hunters they were.
 They decided on a contest to determine which of them was the better hunter.
 As with all contests of this nature, there had to be a symbolic prize.
 Therefore, they agreed to each put up a pint of the best whiskey they could find.
 The winner would take all.

As they prepared for the contest, a local television newscast 
announced that a lion had escaped from the zoo
 and was roaming in the desert surrounding the base.
 The contest immediately took on a new element: 
The first pilot to bag and bring back the lion would be the winner.

One pilot borrowed a large hunting rifle
 and began hunting the lion in the conventional manner.
 The other pilot, more inventive and willing to take more risk
, secured an Army National Guard Apache helicopter.
 He loaded it with ammunition and began searching for the lion.

Of course, it wasn't long until the airborne pilot saw the lion
 and, from the safety of the helicopter, killed it with a burst from the guns.
 He then set the chopper down, loaded the lion on board,
 and returned to the base.
 As the winner, he promptly downloaded both bottles of the fine whiskey
 thereby proving that a strafed lion is the shortest distance between two pints.

The only thing the police had to go on was the book.
 It was the one and only clue to the death of the young woman
 who lived alone in the apartment above the alley.
 Not a nice neighbourhood but that wasn't reason enough to be killed.
 She'd been found by a friend earlier that evening. 
There was some evidence of a struggle but the body was unmarked
 except for a bruise on the left side of her head.
 Whoever did it used the book to deliver the fatal blow.
 The corner was clearly dented 
and some of the victim's hair was embedded in the cover.
 The investigating officers concluded that it was probably a lover's quarrel,
 but Chief Coltrane wasn't convinced.
 ''You say the book was the murder weapon?"
 He levelled his gaze at the junior officers.
 ''That's right sir.''
 ''She have a boyfriend?''
 ''Still looking, sir, but the friend
 says she wasn't seeing anybody on a regular basis.''
 "Interesting,'' mused the Chief. He thought for a moment.
 ''You hotshots get the name of the book?''
 The officers looked around sheepishly. 
 Then one of them said,
 "I might have it in my notes.'' 
 He took out his pad and thumbed the pages.
 He breathed a sigh of relief when he found the title.
 ''Here it is right here, 'Mathematics 101 - An Introductory Text."
' He shot the Chief a questioning look.
 Coltrane closed his eyes and shook his head.
 ''I was afraid of that.''
 The officers were puzzled.
 ''Afraid of what?''
 ''A text book case,'' he answered.
 ''We got us a math murderer on our hands.'' 

Fascinating pictures

thanks Ray S


Luckiest People




Foot Locker brings back Kyrie Irving for the Week Of Greatness,
 a week of the most premium shoe releases that can right all the world's wrongs.
 See Mike Tyson and Evander Holyfield hug it out,
 Dennis Rodman fly to North Korea, 
Brett Favre finally walk away,
 and Craig Sager decide to change his wardrobe


25 years ago

The Teeth


A wife asks her husband,
 "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk
 and if they have avocados, get 6.
 A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, 
"Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
He replied, "They had avocados."
 If you're a woman,
 I'm sure you're going back to read it again!
Men will get it the first time.


Odds and Ends

While walking down the street one day,
 a high ranking politician is tragically hit by a truck and dies. 
His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
“Welcome to Heaven,” says St. Peter.
 “Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. 
We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, 
so we’re not sure what to do with you.”
“No problem, just let me in.” says the politician .
“Well, I’d like to but I have orders from higher up. 
What we’ll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. 
Then you can choose where to spend eternity.”
“Really, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven,” 
says the politician.
“I’m sorry but we have our rules.” 
And with that, St. Peter escorts the politician to the elevator 
and he goes down, down, down to Hell.
 The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course.
 In the distance is a club and standing in front of it are all his friends 
and other politicians who had worked with him, 
everyone is very happy and in evening dress.
They run to greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the good times
 they had while getting rich at expense of the people.
 They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar. 
Also present is the Devil, who really is a very friendly guy
who has a good time dancing and telling jokes.
They are having such a good time that,
 before he realizes it, it is time to go.
 Everyone gives him a big hug and waves while the elevator rises.
 The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens
 on Heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

“Now it’s time to visit Heaven.” 
So 24 hours pass with the politician head of state joining
 a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, 
playing the harp and singing. 
They have a good time and, before he realizes it, 
the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.
“Well then, you’ve spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven.
 Now choose your eternity.”
He reflects for a minute, then the head of state answers:
 “Well, I would never have thought it, 
I mean Heaven has been delightful,
 but I think I would be better off in Hell.”
So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator 
and he goes down, down, down to Hell.
 Now the doors of the elevator open
 and he is in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.
 He sees all his friends, dressed in rags,
picking up the trash and putting it in black bags
. The Devil comes over to the politician
 and lays an arm on his neck.
“I don’t understand,” stammers the politician.
 Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course
 and club and we ate lobster and caviar and danced and had a great time.
 Now all there is a wasteland full of garbage
 and my friends look miserable.
The Devil looks at him, smiles and says, 
“Yesterday we were campaigning. 
Today you voted for us!”


Toyota Condor

thanks Kitty L


World Mystery's


Aussie Prank
These Australian dudes devise an elaborate prank using a fake alligator head to scare their friend.


Fine Dining


If you think your commute is bad, try adding Meskel Square to your route.
 The enormous intersection is located in the center of Addis Ababa, Ethiopia
 and has no traffic lights or painted lines. 
The large intersection sees thousands of vehicles each day
 and is considered one of most 'chaotic crossroads' in the world


A blonde kept having the same weird dream everyday,
 so she went to her doctor.
Doctor: What was your dream about?
Blonde: I was being chase by a vampire!
Doctor: (giggles quietly) So... what is the scenery like?
Blonde: I was running in a hall way.
Doctor: Then what happened?
Blonde: Well that's the weird thing. In every single dream, 
the same thing happened. 
I always come to this door, 
but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door 
and pushing the door,
 but it wouldn't budge!
Doctor: Does the door have any letters on it?
Blonde: Yes it did.
Doctor: And what did these  letter spell?
Blonde: It said "Pull.


This Weeks Signs

Referee Fails


Phils Philosophy

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