Saturday, March 31, 2012

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From Russia with Love


Just Fabulous Pictures


The Tiny Cabin

A social worker from a big city in Massachusetts recently transferred to the mountains of Tennessee
and was on first tour of her new territory when she came upon the tiniest cabin
she had ever seen in her life.
 Intrigued, she went up and knocked on the door.
"Anybody home?" she asked.
"Yep," came a kid's voice through the door.
"Is your father there?" asked the social worker.
"Pa? Nope, he left afore Ma came in," said the kid.
"Well, is your mother there?" persisted the social worker.
"Ma? Nope, she left just afore I got here," said the kid.
"But," protested the social worker, "are you never together as a family?"
"Sure, but not here," said the kid through the door.
"This is the outhouse!"


Men and their Tools

 thanks Kitty L



A Simpleton's cross examination
A small, uncertain, and nervous witness was being cross-examined.
The lawyer thundered,
 "Have you ever been married?"
"Yes, sir," said the witness in a low voice.
"Whom did you marry?" the lawyer demanded.
"Well, a woman," the witness answered timidly.
The lawyer said angrily,
 "Of course you married a woman.
 Did you ever hear of anyone marrying a man?"
And the witness said meekly
, "My sister did."


This kid should work for the Government

thanks Gordon H


A guy enters the Womens Gymnastics Championships





When the police arrived, a man was lying dead under a car.
Investigations revealed that although he was not the car's owner,
 he wasthe last person to drive it.
The car had last been driven that morning,
but the man's time of death was established at about 3 P.M.
The car's owner was discovered in the south of France.
No one else was involved in the affair
and eventually the police and the coroner were satisfied that no crime had been committed.
What is the explanation?

answer at bottom of blog


Those Funny Animals

Elephant to the rescue


Joseph Alois Ratzinger was not the Cardinals' first choice for Pope.
 It was Cardinal Hans Grapje.
 Grapje was raised in a Catholic school and as a young man aspired to become a priest.
 However, he was drafted into the Army during World War II
 and spent two years co-piloting B17s until his aircraft was shot down in 1943,
 resulting in the loss of his left arm.
Captain Grapje spent the rest of the war as a military chaplain,
giving spiritual aid to soldiers, both Allied and enemy.
After the war, he became a priest, serving as a missionary in Africa,
 piloting his own plane (in spite of his handicap) to villages across the continent.
In 1997, Father Grapje (now an archbishop) was serving in Zimbabwe
 when an explosion in a silver mine caused a massive cave-in,
 trapping scores of miners deep in the earth.
 Archbishop Grapje went down into the mine to administer comfort
and last rites to those too severely injured to move.
 Another shaft collapsed and entombed him for three days;
 he suffered multiple injuries, including the loss of his right eye.
Some time after being rescued,
 he developed a severe condition from his extensive underground exposure
 to the high silver content in the mine's air.
 It is characterized by purplish skin blotches and is found in many life-long silver miners.
For his heroism and selfless service to others,
 the church elevated him to Cardinal.
 With the passing of Pope John Paul II,
he joined the other Cardinals in Rome for the funeral and the conclave
to select a new Pope from their ranks.
Although Cardinal Grapje devoted his life to the service of God as a scholar, mentor,
 and holy man, church leaders felt that he could never ascend to the Papacy.
The Church just couldn't accept a one-eyed, one-armed, flying purple papal leader.

A Sunday school teacher asked the children
just before she dismissed them to go to church,
 "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
 Annie replied,
 "Because people are sleeping."
Ruben piped up
, "They must be bored again Christians."



They Walk among us

thanks William G


Meanwhile at Wal-Mart



Some more Black and White photographs



Stay Calm Dad





Two poor kids were invited by a rich kid
 to a swimming party at his pool.
When they were changing into their swim trunks,
one turned to the other and said,
"Did you notice the small dicks on the rich kids?"
The other answered,
"Yeah! It's probably because they have
real toys to play with!"








A woman goes to the Doctor in Glasgow,
 worried about her husband's temper and threatening manner.
The Doc asks: "What's the problem, Janet?
The woman says: "Weeell Doctor Cameron, I dinae know what to do.
 Every time ma hubbie comes home pished, he threatens to slap me aroon'."
The Doctor says: "Aye, well...
 I have a real good cure for that.
When your husband arrives home intoxicated,
just take a wee glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth.
 Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he goes to bed and is sound asleep."
Two weeks later she comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
She said: "Doctor that was a effin brilliant idea!
 Evrae time ma hubbie came home pished,
 I swished with water. I swished an' swished,
 and he didnae touch me even once!
Tell me Doc...wha's the secret? How does the water do that?"
The Doctor says: "Janet hen, it's really nae big secret.
The water does bugger all - it's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick..."



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Answer to the dead driver
The man was a mechanic.
 While the owner was away,
he was working on the car
, but the jack gave way and the car fell on him.