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Phils Phun is back!!!
After an enjoyable holiday in North Queensland, its back to WA and work
If you have not been to the Northern part of Queensland [Townsville, Cairns, Atherton Tablelands]
Then put it on your list of "must do"
You have to see the Daintree rainforests,Kuranda, Whitsundays and the wonders of the tablelands.
Its very touristry, but very relaxing at this time of the year
Next to Western Australians, Queenslanders are a friendly lot and go out of their
way to make your visit memorable.
Was surprised by the number of English tourists visiting Australia
Below is a picture of my bed before I left
Perhaps now I can get a good nights sleep

This[below] should be Qantas airlines

Their flight departure times have gone out the window with planes

up to two hours late leaving
Leads to a lot of wasted time sitting in airport lounges

STRANGE NOISE
Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped,

turned around and returned to the gate.

After an hour long wait, it finally took off.
A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant,

"What was the problem?"
"The pilot was bothered by a strange noise he heard in the engine," she explained.
"Oh, and it took a while to fix it," said the passenger.
"Not exactly." replied the stewardess,

"It just took us a bit to find a deaf pilot."

[thanks Miss Cellania]

As a Rotarian this vandalism seems mindless

Carl -Wilhelm was World President of

Rotary International in 2005-2006

in my year as District Governor of D9470

Toilet Office Prank

A golfer asked his friend:

"Why are you so late in arriving for your tee time?"

"It is Sunday," replied his friend.

"I had to toss a coin between going to church or playing golf."

"Yes, but that still doesn't tell me why you are so late."

"It took over 25 tosses to get it right!"

An archaeological team,

digging in Canberra has uncovered 10,000 year old bones and fossil remains

of what is believed to be the first Politician.

Questions????

.. ANSWERS:
[1] …… 70,000 lives and rising
[2] …… US$ 452,637,400,000 and rising

THE GREAT ESCAPE

I bought a pair of these for my wife,so that she can dust

the floor everytime she gets up from the Telly

So you think your going to heaven

I don't think so

Read below

Mother Teresa died and went to heaven.

God greets her at the Pearly Gates.

"Are you hungry, Mother Teresa?" says God.

"I could eat," Mother Teresa replies

.So God opens a can of tuna and reaches for a chunk of rye bread and they share it.

While eating this humble meal,

Mother Teresa looks down into Hell and sees the inhabitants devouring

huge steaks, lobsters, pheasants, pastries and wines.

Curious, but deeply trusting, she remains quiet.

The next day God again invites her to join Him for a meal.

Again, it is tuna and rye bread.

Once again, Mother Teresa can see the denizens of Hell enjoying

caviar, champagne, lamb, truffles and chocolates.

Still she says nothing.

The following day, mealtime arrives and another can of tuna is opened.

She can't contain herself any longer.

Meekly, she says:

"God, I am grateful to be in heaven with You as a reward for the pious, obedient life I led.

But here in heaven all I get to eat is tuna and a piece of rye bread,

and in the Other Place they eat like emperors and kings!

I just don't understand."

God sighs. "Let's be honest,"

He says. "For just two people, does it pay to cook?"







You know you're a cop if...


You have the bladder capacity of five people

You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience

You believe that 50% of people are a waste of good air

Your idea of a good time is a "man with a gun" call

You conduct a criminal record check on anyone who seems friendly towards you

You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac and birth control pills

You disbelieve 90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see

You have your weekends off planned for a year

You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce

You refer to your favorite restaurant by the intersection at which it's located

You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled: "Suicide...getting it Right the first time.

"You ever had to put the phone on hold before you begin laughing uncontrollably

You think caffeine should be available in IV form

You believe anyone who says, "I only had two beers" is going to blow more than a .O8

You find out a lot about paranoia just by following people around

Anyone has ever said to you, "There are people killing other people out there and you are here messing with me."

People flag you down on the street and ask you directions to strange places ... and you know where it's located

You can discuss where you are going to eat with your partner while standing over a dead body You are the only person introduced at social gatherings by profession. (ISN'T THIS THE TRUTH!)

You walk into places and people think it's high comedy to grab their buddy and shout, "They've come to get you, Bill."

You do not see daylight from November until May

People shout, "I didn't do it!" when you walk into a room and think they're being hugely funny and original

A week's worth of laundry consists of 5 T-shirts, 5 pairs of socks,and 5 pairs of underwear You've ever referred to Tuesday as "my weekend", or "this is my Friday."

You've ever written off guns and ammunition as a business deduction

You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy, it sure is quiet tonight." Discussing dismemberment over a meal seems perfectly normal to you

You find humor in other people's stupidity

You have left more meals on the restaurant table than you've eaten

You feel good when you hear "these handcuffs are too tight."
[Thanks Jim King ex-cop]

A Jewish girl brings her fiancé home to meet her parents.

After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man.

He invites the fiancé to his study for schnapps.

"So what are your plans?" the father asks the fiancé.

"I am a Torah scholar," he replies.

"A Torah scholar," the father says.

"Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in,

as she's accustomed to?"

"I will study," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us."

"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" asks the father.

"I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replies, "God will provide for us."

"And children?" asks the father. "How will you support children?"

"Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replies the fiancé

.The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father questions,

the fiancé insists that God will provide.

Later, the mother asks, "How did it go?"

The father answers, "He has no job and no plans,

but the good news is he thinks I'm God."

ASTHMA
Matthew sets up Andrew to go on a blind date with a friend of his.

But Andrew is a little worried about going out with someone he has never seen before.
"What do I do if she's ugly?" says Andrew,

"I'll be stuck with her all night."
"Don't worry." Matthew says. "Just go up to her door and meet her first.

If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned.

If you don't, just shout Aaaaaauuuggghhh!

and fake an asthma attack."
So that night, Andrew knocks at the girl's door,

and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is.
Andrew's about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts,

"Aaaaaauuuggghhh!"

An Irish woman was admitted to hospital after having phone sex.

Doctors removed 2 Nokias,

3 Motorolas and a Samsung.

No Siemen was found.

[thanks Jim King]

Hands up all those who remember Sav Rocca

Sav used to play for the Sydney Swans Aussie rules team

His brother Anthony currently plays for Collingwood

Here's Big Sav making his NRL debut in the States

Some wuss gives give a mediocre bump at the end of the vid

If you like Irish music as much as I do

You will enjoy this Tim O'Riordan.....The Langer

Thanks to Fred Rea for forwarding this to me]

LIFE