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Some old ones, and some new ones


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A French journalist, an animal rights activist,
was interviewing Ted Nugent, rock star and avid bow hunter from Michigan.
The discussion came around to deer hunting.
The journalist asked, "What do you think is the last thought in the head of a deer
before you shoot him?
Is it, "Are you my friend?" or is it "Are you the one who killed my brother?"
Nugent replied, "Deer aren't capable of that kind of thinking.
All they care about is, what am I going to eat next,
who am I going to screw next,
and can I run fast enough to get away.
They are very much like theFrench."
The interview ended

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You Want Me to Do What ?!?
One picture is worth a thousand words.
The look on the dog's face is priceless.



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The Secretary came in late for work the third day in a row.
The Boss called her into his office and said,
"Now look Sharon, I know we had a wild fling for a while, but that's over.
I expect you to conduct yourself like any other employee around here.
Who told you you could come and go as you please around here ?"
Sharon simply smiled, lit up a cigarette, and while exhaling said,
"My lawyer."

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Women in Film

How many can you recognise?

Here they are in order of appearance

Mary Pickford, Lillian Gish, Gloria Swanson, Marlene Dietrich, Norma Shearer, Ruth Chatterton, Jean Harlow, Katharine Hepburn, Carole Lombard, Bette Davis, Greta Garbo, Barbara Stanwyck, Vivien Leigh, Greer Garson, Hedy Lamarr, Rita Hayworth, Gene Tierney, Olivia de Havilland, Ingrid Bergman, Joan Crawford, Ginger Rogers, Loretta Young, Deborah Kerr, Judy Garland, Anne Baxter, Lauren Bacall, Susan Hayward, Ava Gardner, Marilyn Monroe, Grace Kelly, Lana Turner, Elizabeth Taylor, Kim Novak, Audrey Hepburn, Dorothy Dandridge, Shirley MacLaine, Natalie Wood, Rita Moreno, Janet Leigh, Brigitte Bardot, Sophia Loren, Ann Margret, Julie Andrews, Raquel Welch, Tuesday Weld, Jane Fonda, Julie Christie, Faye Dunaway, Catherine Deneuve, Jacqueline Bisset, Candice Bergen, Isabella Rossellini, Diane Keaton, Goldie Hawn, Meryl Streep, Susan Sarandon, Jessica Lange, Michelle Pfeiffer, Sigourney Weaver, Kathleen Turner, Holly Hunter, Jodie Foster, Angela Bassett, Demi Moore, Sharon Stone, Meg Ryan, Julia Roberts, Salma Hayek, Sandra Bullock, Julianne Moore, Diane Lane, Nicole Kidman, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Angelina Jolie, Charlize Theron, Reese Witherspoon, Halle Berry
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Men in Film

Stolen from.....Archies Archive

in order of appearance

Douglas Fairbanks Sr., Rudolph Valentino, Charlie Chaplin, James Cagney, Spencer Tracy, Fredric March, Errol Flynn, Fred Astaire, Clark Gable, Laurence Olivier, Gary Cooper, Humphrey Bogart, James Stewart, Tyrone Power, Cary Grant, Henry Fonda, Robert Mitchum, John Wayne, Kirk Douglas, Gene Kelly, Burt Lancaster, William Holden, Marlon Brando, James Dean, Rock Hudson, Montgomery Clift, Anthony Quinn, Gregory Peck, Richard Burton, Jack Lemmon, Sean Connery, Sidney Poitier, Charlton Heston, Steve McQueen, Peter O'Toole, Paul Newman, Clint Eastwood, Robert Redford, Dustin Hoffman, Roy Scheider, Warren Beatty, Dennis Hopper, Al Pacino, Jack Nicholson, Robert De Niro, Gene Hackman, Jon Voight, Harrison Ford, Kevin Kline, Kevin Costner, Michael Douglas, Christopher Walken, Mel Gibson, Sean Penn, John Travolta, Antonio Banderas, Tim Robbins, Samuel L. Jackson, Tom Hanks, Denzel Washington, Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, Russell Crowe, Kevin Spacey, Will Smith, Jamie Foxx, Leonardo DiCaprio, Johnny Depp, Matt Damon, George Clooney

Music: Bach's Allemande from Suite for Solo Cello No. 3 in C Major, BWV 1009 performed by Antonio Meneses

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A poor mans BMW


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A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store.

As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked,

"Son, can You tell me where the Post Office is?"

The little boy replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street a coupla blocks

and turn to your right."

The man thanked the boy kindly and said,

"I'm the new pastor in town.I'd like for you to come to church on Sunday.

I'll show you how to getto Heaven."

The little boy replied with a chuckle.

"Awww, come on... You don't evenknow the way to the Post Office."

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stolen from....amyoops



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.......


John had been behind closed doors in his boss’s office for over an hour,
and his colleagues were just starting to wonder what the boss was telling him
when he finally emerged.
He walked out of the office, and one by one, he went over to the other workers,
and started handing out peppermints to everyone.
“Here,” he said to the first, “you can have the extra strong mints.”
The next person was given a pack of soft mints,
and the third received some chewing gum. Mint flavour, of course.
Finally, they could stand it no longer.
“What on earth are you doing?!” they asked him.
“I’m doing my assign mints,” he said.

stolen from..Archies Archive
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Aussie Beer Symphony


Thanks Wayne W

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Wild Men of Beer

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For those who like the colour Pink

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I think this fits in here somewhere!!

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Women on Haircuts:
Woman 1: Oh! That haircut is so cute!

Woman 2: You think so? I wasn't sure when she was gave me the mirror.

I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?

Woman 1: Oh, no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that,

but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.

Woman 2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable.

And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think.

I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.

Woman 1: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck!

Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.

Woman 2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would kill for your shoulders.

Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms - see how short they are?

If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier. (etc...) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Men on Haircuts:

Man 1: Haircut?

Man 2: Yeah.

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Phils Philosophy
Always look on the bright side of Life

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· The Rules of lLfe
Tread gently on anyone who looks talks out the side of their mouth.

Have lots of long lie-ins.
Wear sturdy socks,

learn to grow out of medium underwear and,

if you must lie about your age, do it in the other direction.

Tell people you're ninety-seven and they'll think you look bloody great.
Never eat food that comes in a bucket.
Sleep with somebody you like.
Eat plenty of liquorice Allsorts.
Try to live in a place you like,

Marry somebody you like

Try to do a job you like.

Never turn down an opportunity to shout out at the top of your voice.
Avoid bigots of all descriptions.
Let your own bed become to you what the Pole Star was to sailors of old.....look forward to it.
Don't wear tight underwear on aeroplanes.
Avoid people who say they know the answer.

Keep the company of people who are trying to understand the question.
Don't pat animals with sleekit eyes.
If you haven't heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one.
Avoid giving LSD to guide dogs.
Don't be talked into wearing a uniform.

Salute nobody.
Campaign against blue Smarties.
and never play with anthing that could take somones eye out

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Disclaimer
All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site

are understood to be in the public domain.

If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,

please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.