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thanks Peter H

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My broker called me this morning and said

, "Rememberthat stock we bought

and I said you'd be able to retire at age 65?"

"Yes, I remember," I said

."Well," my broker continued,

"your retirement age isnow 108."

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Top 10 Reasons Why Beer Is Better Than Jesus
10. No one will kill you for not drinking beer
.9. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex
.8. Beer has never caused a major war.
7. They don't force beer on minors who can't think for themselves
.6. When you have beer, you don't knock on people's doors trying to give it away
.5. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged or tortured over their brand of beer
.4. You don't have to wait more than 2,000 years for a second beer
.3. There are laws saying that beer labels can't lie to you
.2. You can prove you have a beer
.1. If you've devoted your life to beer, there are groups to help you stop.

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thanks Liz Z

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thanks Gordon H

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On the Couch

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thanks Geoff C

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After the big office party,

Dan was in no shape to drive,

so he sensibly left his van in the car park and walked home.

As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman.

'What are you doing out here at four o'clock in the morning?'

asked the police officer.

'I'm on my way to a lecture,' answered Dan

.'And who on earth, in their right mind

, is going to give a lecture at this time, four o'clock in the morning

' enquired the constable sarcastically

.'My wife,' slurred Dan grimly.


stolen from Miss Cellania

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Worth thinking about

--------------------------

For three years,

the young attorney had been taking

his brief vacations at this country inn.

The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter.

Looking forward to an exciting few days,

he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn,

then stopped short.

There sat his lover with an infant on her lap!

"Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried

. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married,

and the baby would have my name!"

"Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition,

we sat up all night talkin' and talkin'

and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family

than a lawyer



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Blast from the Past



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You might be a redneck if
You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.

The Salvation Army declines your mattress

.Your entire family sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one

.You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it

.You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

You come back from the dump with more than you took

.You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat

.Your grandmother has "Ammo" on her Christmas list.

You've been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.

You think a subdivision is part of a math problem

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PHILS PHILOSOPHY

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Save the best for last

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Disclaimer

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